Trayvon Martin Versus George Zimmerman

In the recent light of the Trayvon Martin case and the not guilty verdict, I have been hearing some disturbing things that concern me about people’s outlook on black people.  I hear that because Zimmerman was Hispanic that he could not have profiled Trayvon.  This may come as a new flash, but minorities can be racist against other minorities.  Black people do profile other black people just as I am sure Asian people profile Hispanic people and so on and son forth.  Some other things that I hear is that Zimmerman had a black friend or took a black girl to prom, and all other type of nonsense that proves because he associated with some black people, he could not have possibly profiled Trayvon.  With my undergraduate degree being in criminal justice, this is somewhat of a passionate topic for me.  So I wanted to give my opinion on the whole thing.

I think the real issue here is not that George Zimmerman is racist against every black person. But that he stereotyped Trayvon for a thug because of the way he was dress and looked (him being black and the way he was dressed being another part). So yes that does equate to racial profiling. Just because Zimmerman likes some black people or took one to prom doesn't mean that he is blind to race or did not judge Trayvon. Just because he has one black friend or whatever does not mean like he likes all black people or doesn't mean that race did not play a factor in his decision to approach Trayvon. I think that Zimmerman thought he was chasing a thug that was trying to rob the neighborhood based off his appearance. Had it been a 17 year old white teen walking around in the area, dressed in khakis and a shirt, I can guarantee he would not have been shot, followed, or even approached. And that ladies and gentleman is the definition of racial profiling. I think that what most people's point is when supporting Trayvon and making it a race issues that others who do not support cannot understand.  Zimmerman supporters do not understand this aspect and feel that black people are playing the victim and making it a race issue.  I think by the remarks of some white people are quite disturbing (even the juror that gave the television interview) racism has become so imbedded in some peoples mind that they say it and do not even see that it is racist.

An example of this was a television personality that tried to compare Trayvon’s case to a case in which a black man grabbed a gun to defend himself against looters that were white.  She said people supported the black man and tried to say there was no difference in Trayvon’s case.  I think what she was missing was that Trayvon was not a criminal, looter, or was not in the neighborhood to do harm to anyone.  He was just trying to go home.  She herself categorized Trayvon as a criminal by comparing him to this other case, when it was like comparing apples and oranges.

Like one juror said Zimmerman’s heart was in the right place when he decided to follow Trayvon because of the recent break in’s in the area by black people.  My response is this just because there were break in's does not mean that Trayvon did them, nor does it mean that he deserved to be followed and die because of other black people's mistakes.  I keep hearing that Zimmerman was justified in his decision to follow Trayvon, because of what other black people that Trayvon didn't know nor was he affiliated with did.  It does not make sense to me, and although human nature, that we all may profile people (hence Trayvon seeing Zimmerman as a creepy a** cracker), I can say that most people do not approach the person they are profiling or feel is suspicious, and kill them. 

One thing that I think we keep missing is that a 17 year old kid (yes he is still a minor) and he is dead.  His life is gone and taken undeservingly so. Where was Trayvon's rights to defend himself against a "Creepy A** Cracker" (his words not mine) that he felt was following him?  Did he not have a right to defend himself against someone that he thought was following and could potentially hurt him? Trayvon did not know who Zimmerman was, for all he knew he could have been a kidnapper, psycho, or robber.  So where is his right to defend himself from being followed by this person?  We all have seen the pictures of Zimmerman’s face.  Somehow the trail turned into Trayvon being the aggressor.  Is possible that Trayvon was defending himself against someone that he saw was following him and someone he felt could attack him?  Is it possible that Trayvon was using self-defense against a man that appear to him to be creepy and he had no idea what his intention was as he was being followed by this individual?

I think that it is, I also think that Trayvon’s right was overlooked to defend himself, and people call Trayvon the aggressor for possibly defending himself against somebody that he deemed suspicious.  We all seem to overlook that because Zimmerman was a neighborhood watch person that he had the right to follow Trayvon due to other break in’s by other black people.  Trayvon had a right to be in that neighborhood like anyone else and did not deserve to die for other people’s mistakes or because how he looked.  Point, blank, period.   I myself live in a suburban area and have a son.  I myself am also black just like my son.  I think was most black people and mothers of black son’s see this and a chance to stand up so that when their child is out walking around the neighborhood that may return  safely, not to be profiled, shot down like a dog, and them blamed for their own death.  Truly a sad story not only for Trayvon, but also for the many unnamed people who have been killed in similar ways and their death still goes unpunished.  One thing that can be said, everything has a reason and a season.  No crime will go unpunished in the eyes of God.  I think we can all take heart in that when he hear about Trayvon or stories like Trayvons.  Perhaps it is situations like this, which brings attention to a bigger problem in American, and cause people to unite.  

Although Zimmerman was found not guilty under Florida law, you can still support Trayvon’s right to live, by signing the NAACP petition that says just that.  Trayvon had a right to live, he had a right to walk home, and he had a right not to be followed, and he had a right not to be shot and killed.  Check out the petition below by seeing what other ways you can show support.

http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/justice-for-trayvon-martin

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To Whom Much is Given Much is Required

To whom much is given much is required.  Luke 12:48.  This is something that has been ringing in my head for the past year or two.  It was not until recently that I began to understand the fullness of this.  I always use to wonder why it would seem like God was coming down hard on me.  I would wondered why it would seem that everyone around me would be able to get away with some of the most smallest thing and when I tried it, I would be the one to get caught. 

It was not until finally I came up to this conclusion.  To whom much is given much is required.  There are plenty of people would have big dreams and want a lot out of life, but the thing is they are not willing to put it the work that they need to put in, in order to get that dream.  If God gives you small tasks and you quit and tell yourself you cannot handle it because it is too hard.  Then why on Earth would He give you a larger task.  You cannot even handle the small one.

You can relate this to almost anything that you do, whether it is a job, relationship, or whatever.  How can God trust you with a promotion if you do not even do your current job well?  How can God trust you with a marriage, if you cannot even sustain a normal relationship?  These are things that we all need to think about when we asked God to give us more.  For God to give you more you must pass the pre-test first.  The pre-test is not going to be easy; it is going to be hard. 

For example if you want to be an actress.  If then you were assigned a small part in a local play and you give up because of the long hours, because you feel like you should be the lead, or because you feel people do not give you the respect that you deserve.  Then you fail the test.  Do you think that you will be in Hollywood and not work long hours, not have people talk bad about you or be jealous of you, do you think that when you get on top that you will be magically able to handle it, even if you are not able to handle things at the smallest level?  Why would God entrust you with such a large blessing, when you give up at the first thing that does not go your way.

You have to understand that you have to work your way from the bottom to the top.  You cannot expect to come out on top without putting in all the work first.  If you asked most successful people, they will say that they had to face much rejection or hear a lot of no’s before they heard a yes, and this is what made them stronger.  It is because that when you are on the top you are going to need a thick skin to stay there.  The only way in which you are going to get a thick skin is by going through the bad stuff first, taking whatever life throws at you, and then still coming out on top.

I often say the best revenge for those who tell you no and want to see you fail, is to make liars out of them and succeed anyway.  Not just succeed, but to go above and beyond on what they thought you could ever be.  There is no need to get mad, angry, curse those who hate you, and sit on your butt all day blaming others for what they did you.

Get up! Realize that this is only a test.  The bad stuff is only a test and God is waiting for you to past so that He can give you another test, and then another, and then another, and then another…before you know you would have past so many test when you look up you will be exactly where you want to be.  That is because to be given much you must do much.  You must work hard; you must take the rugged hard path over the smooth one.  You must build up yourself and your character so that God can trust you with all the blessings that He wants to give you.  God not just going to give you anything, just because you are you.  God wants to bless you, but He is only going to give higher and higher blessings to those that He deems deserving. 

So I end of this note.  To whom much is given, much is required.  What do you want?  Is it a better job, is it more money, is it a relationship, marriage, what is it?  Know that what your ultimate goal is, you are going to have to put in work to get there.  It is best to realize that now so you can go forth and pass the test that God has put before you, instead of failing the test and expected your situation to change. 

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Stumbling

The first lesson that I want you to take from this is that if you believe that God is going to bring you the one.  Then believe that.  It is not going to be super hard for you to be with the one God has with you.  Will it be work? Yes.  But you will not have to chase that person, change that person, convert that person, give that person money, allow that person to cheat on you, live off you, make them like your kids,  or convince them to marry you.  It is just not going to be that hard.  So if it is that hard, then you may want to move on.  The relationship that you are in is not it.  Trust God to bring you the desires of your heart.  The man that you really want, not a man that you are trying to transform into the man that you want.

The second lesson is that often times it is ourselves that put us through pain of life, by trying to hold on to what God is trying to pull away.  Not only that, but letting it distract us from our purpose in life. And because we are so focused on the wrong things throughout our lives, we fall short of our great destiny and settle for an average life.  So I say this to you, life is life.  It is always going to be hard, and we all have our burdens to bear.  But if we get caught up in our burdens, downfalls, and wrong people, then our perfect destiny will always be a dream.  You will stumble on the wrong things and then when you get up you will be so lost that you take the wrong path all together. 

Instead, stumble get back up and keep it moving.  Do not continue to stumble in the same place for years.  Just like the story in the Bible.  When Moses led the Hebrews out of Egypt, the trip to the promise land was only supposed to take two weeks.  But because of their constant unbelief, complaining, and not seeing what God wanted them to see, it took 40 years.  In that 40 years the original generation had passed away, including Moses, and not even he was able to enter the promise land.  They were freed from Egypt and were no longer slaved, but they still had that mentality.  That generation never grew into the generation of God, intended it to be, stumbling so many times they did not quite make it to the promise land.   Don’t take 40 years to get to the promise land, take the intended time.  Live, learn, and get through the bad stuff as soon and gracefully as possible.  Learn what you need to learn, leave what you need to leave, and look forward to getting your reward faster.

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Expectation, Expectations

Okay so expectations are a big one for use women.  I used to be one of those women that did not have expectations.  My expectation first consisted of a person that was interested in me, then to one that was cute, but as you can see from some of the above stories this did not serve me well. Also I come to realize that I deserve better.  Now I am to the point that I do not even entertain those that I know are not right for me.  I think a large reason why I entertained those in the past for the simple fact I was bored, I wanted to attention, or I thought that perhaps they would grow on me and I would not want to turn down somebody that was the one, so I just kind of gave everyone a chance.   

I think even on some level, I may have felt like I needed men around me in order to validate myself. As women we have allowed men to get away with way too much, by sleeping with this one and that one and then us.  By sleeping with engaged, taken, or even married men. Enough is enough and you deserve better. I deserve better.  I have noticed that a trend of men in which they do not want to court women or even take them out on dates.  Some of the men I have dated even told me that they wanted a woman to take care of them…WHAT!!!  This goes against everything that manhood is.  And there are some women that are feeding into this nonsense. 

There are women that are paying on dates, paying for a man’s food, rent, bills, child support, allowing him to sit on his butt all day while they go to work.  I have been on dates, when the man does not want to buy food, where the man watches me eat while they eat nothing, for the sake of being cheap.  I mean some of this is really ridicules.  If you are dating a man like this, you need to stop and move on.  Do not pass go and do not collect $200.  That is crazy.  If God is willing to make the man the head of the household and want the wives to submit, how in the world can that be if the man cannot or are not willing to even provide financial for their family.  Or to even have a plan to take care of a family, and think that this is perfectly acceptable.  Since when did we allow men to stop being men, and allow them to stay in a boy state, and not grow up?  I cannot even blame the men really.  I blame women; it is because that we are willing to accept any and everything from a man in order to keep a man, or say that we have one.... therefore allowing them to slide by with nonsense.

 Women need to stop making excuses for them and allow them to be men.  Let’s take the example from above with the 42 year old man that live with his aunt and sister.  So eventually he asked me to tell me what was wrong with him, insisting that he was a nice guy, and in reality he was.  But my response was this.  I told him that I could not see myself entering a relationship with him because he did not have himself together.   He told me that he was living with his aunt and sister because she was sick and had no car because it broke down.  I did feel sad for a second but he was still not the one for me.  At the end of the day, we could not really date.  I would have to come to his house, pick him up, go on the date, take him home, and drive myself back home.  His lack of motivation of being a man was not going to work.  If he really planned on getting married, he would have to leave his aunt and his sister anyway….or at least I hope.  So if at this point and time he felt that he could not leave their home, then there would be not future for us.  I needed someone that was ready to be with me fully if we were to get married, and not have reasons as to why they could not move on to the next level.  So like I said, it would not have worked.   If you still think that I am being mean take a look at Ephesians 5:31 that says For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh and Genesis 2:24 that says That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.  This is both in the New and Old Testament, so make no mistake about what I am saying in regards to this.

With that being said his reasoning was an excuse to me.  He called me materialistic but its whatever, what did he want me to say.  If you want more and desire more for yourself and from your mate, do not allow then to throw that word at you.  Since when did working hard so that you can achieve goals in life and wanting the same from a man equal materialism?  Since when did wanting a 42 year old man to have a place of his own materialism?  I think of it as something natural that a grown man would want to do at that age.  But I could be wrong…(I am being sarcastic, I am not wrong).  

 Some women may say it is mean, but this is what I am talking about women, hold men accountable!  I am a single mother and have worked hard in school education wise and in other areas of my life!  It was not easy, and while I wait for the one that God has planned for me, it is still not easy, therefore expecting the same from a male is not unreasonable.  In addition, as a 42 year old man even if he did live with his aunt because she was sick, then what was his excuse about not having a car.  To me that spells lazy.  You have a job, your living with you aunt; have minimal bills to pay, and you still have no car.  What are you doing with your money?  This spells immaturity, that at 42 your life is not together, you have no career choice and you do not have your life together.  For me that is a problem, and for you it should be a problem.

I am not trying to rag on this man.  What I am trying to do is show you how this really looks from the outside looking in for women to chase after men that have no type of husband material.  If you are in a relationship with a man like this, let go.  If you are single, then going forward do not enter a relationship like this.   For me, a single mother who I bring into my life as a mate will eventually be around my son, he needs to be an example for my son and exemplify what a man is supposed to be.  And for him, I did not feel that he could do that.  I felt that having him in my life would only add burden and not happiness.  If you are a single mother or for any women, when you are looking at dating a man, really think to yourself do I want my son to grow up and be like this man or think when I have a son do I want him to grow up and be this man.  Another question is if you would want your daughter to marry a man like this, or if you had a daughter would you want her to marry a man like this.  If the answer is no, then stop dating him and/or stop bringing him around your kids. 

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Not of This World

As the lent season is over and Easter is approaching, I feel that it is a time on Earth in which God is closest to us, if we seek Him.  If we deny our flesh and diligently seek after God, He will reveal His inner most thoughts to you.  Each lent season, I learn a valuable lesson.  As I reflect on what God has revealed to me in this season, I can say that it was most contemplating to me.  As I mentioned in my last blog, people are going to hurt you…… it is the ways of the world.  Then I seek and asked myself, why this is so.  Why do we as people want to hurt one another, for the sake of selfish ambition, or humor, or jealousy.  I understand now what Jesus spoke about, when He said that He was not of this world.  He was pure, He was love, and He loved all…..even those who hated and wanted to kill Him.

We all hear the Bible verse that we are all born into sin.  Throughout my life I have come to reflect on the sinful nature of people.  No one is perfect and we all sin, and through Jesus we are forgiven.  Sometimes perhaps, we used this as a crutch.  We know that if we repent and asked for forgiveness, then it will be given onto us.  So we use it as an excuse to hurt one another, lie to one another, and try to keep one another down instead of building each other up. 

When you really think about it…What is it all for?  I think for me, for those who do not know God, and then perhaps I can see why they do not know better.  Why they have selfish ambition and step on others in order to get what they want.  Although their behavior is not right, it is still somewhat understandable because they have never been taught to be better.  They somehow think that this world is all about them and they lack purpose not knowing that in the end, we are all meant to love one another and work together for the greater good of the world.  For Christians, I have learned, that many have selfish ambition as well.  Many, tend to be worse toward one another because they somehow feel that because they are saved, God have given them authority to judge and act superior to others.  I think most of all; these types of people hurt my heart the most. 

I do not understand people, more so I do not understand many so called Christian.  I do not understand why they are jealous of one another, I do not understand why we hurt one another, I do not understand why we just cannot love.  At the end of the day God loves us all, Christian or not.  For those who are Christian or call themselves Christian, I do not understand how they do not get that we are love.  We are all in the body of Christ, connected to one another, and are intertwined.  Therefore, being in the body of Christ, when you love your brothers and sisters….it is like loving yourself.  When you seek to do them good and not harm, you are bettering yourself and contributing to the purpose of others by motivating them since we are all in one body.

Many people say that they are Christians and that they love their neighbor….but do you act like it? Do you show it?  The best illustration of this that I can think of, would be with each and every person that you encounter, if you knew that there was a chance that you would never see that person again, what would your interaction with them be like?  Would you feel bad for the way that you treated them and have regret?  If so, then perhaps you need to begin treating people differently.  Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, and you want to be known for bringing joy into their lives not pain and hurt. For being good and not evil.

The thing is that it is not going to be easy.  I have made a practice of being this way.  It will not matter if you love your enemies, pray for those who want to see your fail, or have hurt you……you will still feel hurt, you will still feel pain, and no matter you niceness, they may continue to hurt you over and over again.  But, it is our duty as children of God to continue to be good, and not fall prey to the ways of the world.   This is what God calls turning the other cheek.  If they smack one cheek and even beat it bloody, smile….turn the other so that they can beat the other cheek too.  This is because it is not the person that we do it, it is because we are in Christ and he requires us to do it.  And as Christian, we know that hate is not furthering our purpose nor is it making the body of Christ better.

Not everyone likes me, many have hurt me….But I am convinced that no one can ever say that I was bad to them, or hated them, or tried to destroy them.  And even though they may still not like me now, I can rest assure that this is because of their own insecurities, and not my own or something that I have done.  As a Christian, your light should shine wherever you go.  Not because you run around all day proclaiming Christ, but because the light is in you and because the light shines through your smile, words, personality and even those who hate you cannot deny that you belong to the Most High God.   

I guess what I am trying to get at, is that the world would be so much better if we make a cognitive decision to stop hurting one another.  If we make a decision to try to uplift and be an example to each person that we meet, whether they be Christian or not.  You never know how you can lead someone to Christ just by the way you behave at work or in public.  I am convinced that if we all put forth an effort, to really genuinely love one another (and not just quote the Bible verse and say that we are doing it) the world would be a better place.  We would feel better about ourselves and in the end we can stand before God truly blameless.  Knowing that whatever negative situations that were in our lives or what people have done to us, was of no fault of our own, but a result of those who are in the world.

This lent season, I have learned that I want to be like Christ, and I am learning to not be of this world, and with this mentality many sacrifices must be made.  As I step back and observe the actions of people, it confuses me, because although we were all created by God, came from Adam and Eve, and are all relatives…..we still hurt one another.  And when you really think about it….what is it all for?  With every action that you do, remember that God not only knows but He will question you in the end.  Do you want him to ask?  Why did you abuse my child such and such? Or why you did this or that to your fellow man.  What would your response be?  There could be no response to justify hating someone, hurting someone, being mean or evil to someone.  At those pearly gates you want God to say, “Well done good and faithful servant.”  Meaning that although you are not perfect, you still get an A for effort because you really did try.  You do not want to hear Him say :”Turn away from me you evil doer, for I never knew you.”  These are the people, who claim to be in the body of Christ, and even said that Jesus was their savior….but they fell short in knowing Christ and what he stood for.  So I say to you, that it is not too late to change, and repent and truly understand how God wants you to be….not of this world.  And although we are born in this world and we have to be a part of it, we can set out selves apart like Jesus did and be a light that shines in the darkness.

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Getting to your Perfect Life Faster

I believe that there is a reason and season for everything and every person that we meet (TWEET THIS).  I know that this is a saying that is very prevalent, but I think that we really have to reflect on what this means, especially as it pertains to relationship and our lives.  

The first thing is that everyone that enters your life is not going to be there in a positive way (TWEET THIS).  Some people are not going to like you, some are going to talk bad about you, and there are times that you will be treated unfairly.  It’s just the ways of the world.  However, I think that we have to bring these ways into a new understanding.  Often times, these ways are not to bring us down, but to build us up.  And even though it feels like we are being pulled to the brink or insanity, when we are going through these things, like a lump of coal that has been through heat and pressure, its meant to make us come out like a diamond in the end (TWEET THIS).

I think the best Bible verse that can explains this is “but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”  Romans 5:3-4

You see the thing is that if the world was the way we wanted it to be 100% of the time, or if people treated us the way that we wanted to be treated 100% of the time, then what type of person would we be.  If we never had a problem, if no one was ever rude to us, if things always went right in our lives, then how our strength as a person ever be tested, and if our strength is never tested then how can we know how high we can jump or how far we can reach.  

 You see it is through the bad stuff, that makes us stronger, that makes us want to prove people wrong and make liars out of those when they told us we would not amount to anything.  Once we know we are through the tough times and that we can still come out on top, then we know that the next time we cannot be so easily knocked down or swayed.   Not only that, but we are able to recognize quicker and faster the people and things that are not good for us, because we would have already “been there and done that” and feel no need to repeat past mistakes.

In my opinion, everyone was born to be great.  It is up to them weather they get there or not (TWEET THIS).  I do not care whether you were born poor, molested; raped, beaten…..that is the bad stuff that can be turned into a big testimonial to someone one day.  Look at Joyce Myers.  It’s no secret that she was molested and raped by her father for years.  Yes it was a terrible thing, but look at her know.  Could she be any stronger in the father that she had in Christ had she not endured the bad stuff.   Or even more so, that she forgave her father and lead him to Christ!

Look at Jesus’ life.  He was born in a barn, with dirty smelly animals and put into a contraption that animal their food eats out of. He lived very poorly, had not real home to call his home, went against popular belief, faced rejection, and although many loved him many hated him too, and last but most certainly not least, he died a common criminal’s death.  We often use words like he was born in a manger in a stable, and lived a humble life, in which he was crucified.  That sounds much different that the reality of the situation.  Jesus’ life was hard, very hard.  But I think it was intentionally made this way.  So that no one can say, they ever had it harder than Him, on Earth. ….and yet and still he was able to accomplish the mission that he was put on this Earth for.   He didn’t dwell on what was not being done for him, or who said what about him, he just did what he had to do, and worked with what he had, and still came out on top.

The point that I am trying to make is this.  Do you wonder where your life partner is, or what your point in life is?  Well I think that if you do then you have not gone through what you needed to go through or learn what you need to learn in order for that person or purpose to be there.  In each relationship, interaction, trail, tribulation…there is a lesson to be learned.  Now, how fast you get through that lesson depends on you. 

I think it was Albert Einstein that said “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” (TWEET THIS)

Let’s take this for a moment here.  If you are the type of person that jumps in bed with a man too soon, and do it time and time again and wonder why your relationships are not going anywhere….then you may be insane.  Why do we as people want to revisit the same path, the same person, or type of person and do the same things over and over and expect the outcome to be different?  Why do we keep ahold of people that we know are not good for us, that hurt us, that have no place in our future?  Everything and everyone has a season you guys, you have to go through it, learn from it, and then you have to let go.

The best way I can illustrated this is if two women have the same exact destiny.  One gets married at 28 and the other at 42.  What went wrong since they have the same destiny?  Often times it goes like this, the 28 years old meets someone they know is no good for them.  They are able to recognize that within weeks that this person is not for them, and moved on.   Within the same year they meet person A,B, and C and within that year they were able to recognize that none of these people are good for them.  Not only did they move on, but they took something out of each and every relationship and made a change on the inside of them depending on the experience of the relationship.  Eventually, she came to know herself, and she knew what she wanted out of life, as well as what she wanted out of a partner, and at the age of 28 she knew that she knew that she knew, she found that person.   

Let’s take the 42 year old.  Instead of learning and growing.  She would hold on to man A, knowing that he was not the one, knowing that his type of love hurt, but still hoping it would change.  She held on for five years all for the sake of wanting to get married, or not wanting to be alone, or not understanding that the purpose was not for man A to be in her life for 5 years.  However, she continued this pattern and instead of going through B and C like the 28 year old did, learning from each experience.  She held on to them each for years…….. keeping men that God was trying to pull away.  She did not learn from her experiences and added man D,E,F,G into the mix.  Slowing down her own destiny because she was not moving fluently though life and not fulfilling or trying to understand her purpose.  Instead, she stumbled, and stumbled, and stumbled, and when she did meet the right man, although grateful… it really could have been done sooner had she been willing to let go of the others, learn what she needed to learn, and move on.   Sometimes we will settle and force ourselves to marry person E, when it was never intended to be so, missing the mark completely.

Often times it is ourselves that are putting us through pain of life, by trying to hold on to what God is trying to pull away.  Not only that, but letting it distract us from the purpose in life and because we are so focused on the wrong things throughout our lives, we fall short of our great destiny and settle for an average life.  So I say this to you, life is life.  It is always going to be hard, and we all have our burdens to bear.  Some more than most.  But if we get caught up on out burdens, downfalls, and wrong people, then our perfect destiny will always be a dream.  You will stumble on the wrong things and then when you get up you will be so lost that you take the wrong path all together.  Instead, stumble get back up and keep it moving.  Do not continue to stumble in the same place for years.  Just like the story in the Bible.  When Moses led the Hebrews out of Egypt, the trip to the promise land was only supposed to take 40 days.  But because of their constant unbelief, complaining, and not seeing what God wanted them to see, it took 40 years.  In that 40 years the original generation had passed away, including Moses, and did not see the promise land.  They were freed from Egypt and everything started out okay, but stumbling so many times that they did not quite make it to the promise land.   Don’t take 40 years to get to the promise land.  Live, learn, and get through the bad stuff as soon and gracefully as possible, so you can get your reward sooner.

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Women, Know Your Worth!!!!

I don’t know what it is, but it seems as though us women have moved from a being pursued role to a chasing, a man role.  We want a man to see how good we are, how great we do this, how nice our heart is, how understanding we are…….not thinking that a lot of the time it is the man’s job to prove this to us. 

As I was sitting at a male friend’s home this past weekend, someone that I have known for quite a while now.  I sat there thinking to myself, I really do not know this person.  Or worse, I really do not even like this person.  He wined, he complained, and made everything humanly possible about him.  Not once did he even ask how I was doing.  Had he asked, he would have known that I had just gotten over a stomach virus the week before and missed four days from work.  Instead, he wanted me to massage his back, get this, do that blah blah blah.  Not once did he offer me anything, not even water.  I sat and thought to myself, how I have missed this.  How have I missed that this person is completely self-centered and only cares about what is going on around them in their own mind and bodies.

In my case, like I think is the case for many women, is that women feel that because we see a good shell on a man….. By shell I mean a job, looks, their own place, sex, car, or whatever….we are willing to overlook aspects of their personality that does not necessarily go with our own personality or purpose in life.  It really took time for me to say I am beautiful, I am smart, I am a home owner, I am pursuing a Ph.D, I am generally a kind hearted person, and the caring and love that comes out of me is not fake but 100% real…. it has always been this way.  I am a true kind of women…through my heart, mind, and spirit.  I used to think everyone was this way, but through the ways I have been treated and through observation of those around me, I can now say I see how hard those attributes are hard to find.

 I am uniquely and wonderfully made by the One and only true living God, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that not only do I deserve better, but God will give me better.  Women out there you deserve better too. .  This is because as it stands I am His, and the only way God will relinquish control is if it is to a worthy person.   I do think that there is a huge generation of men out there that do not know what it is like to be men, head of household, or to be in their role BUT there are men that do, they are out there.  I have learned that until you find the man that you feel is given to you by God, then why even settle for anything less.  Marriage is permanent and it is meant to explain the way Christ loves the church, so settling for anything less because you do not want to be alone, is really short changing yourself and what God wants for you. He wants you to have the best, and the only way that you can get it, is by being the best.   The only way that you can be the best is by learning from the best, and the best is Him….God.  So when we are closer to God and we know God, when we know what mate God wants for us, and we do not waste time on those who mean us no good.

Society have taught men to have as many women as possible, and to use and abuse women, and that this is something to be valued.  But guess what….it is not.  When you think about it, what is so great with sharing your body with person after person, not knowing or having a true understanding of what love can be if they were to actually just try.    Women you are never going to find the man of your dreams, by using what you have between your legs to trap them, and men you are never going to find that dream woman if you keep trying to get into the thing between her legs, and not knowing or understanding that there is a bigger art to love and making love than just the physical.  

Relationships can be so much more, if we allow them to be.  Love can be more if we allow it to be.  Why can't people turn against what is the popular culture of being loose, and get back to the basics.  The basics in which men open doors for women, take them on dates, practice monogamy.

Like it or not men and women are not alike.  We are equal in the roles that we have been given.  But make no mistake about it, we each have our distinct roles.  I myself am a single mother, and although I do a lot for my son I can never be a father to him.  Not ever, no matter how smart or cool I want to be.  I think because of the breakdown of the traditional family unit over time, we have forgotten to treat our daughters like queens, and we have forgotten to raise our sons to be kings. So they do not act like kings and queens because they have not been taught.  Instead men find it funny to hurt and degrade women, not thinking themselves that they once came from one.  And women find it perfectly acceptable to be girlfriend number 2,3,4,5,6 all for the sake of believing that we have find a diamond in the rough, and feels that if he gets rid of this person or does that…. then he would be the perfect man for you.  I have been there. 

But at the end of the day, none of it matters.  There is a purpose to your life and whoever it is that you are meant to be with will add to your purpose, they will add to your character.  They will not want to hurt you, abuse you, lie to you, cheat on you, and they will want to have a promising future that is suited for the both of you.  So I ask you today, what are you doing as a man or as a women?  Are you being disrespectful or are you allowing yourself to be disrespected.  Are you adding to the value of this world by being an example to others or are you just blending in with the example of others.  Be your own person, find your own purpose, and the person that is meant for you truly meant for you will see you as a gem that is one of a kind to be value and adorned.  Let go of the nasty and negative energy of the ones that hurt you and make your cry.  Instead use this negative energy learn from it, and be better.  The best revenge for someone who has hurt you, disrespected you, and treated you bad, is to prove them wrong and to be the best you, you can be.  God will love you for it, you will love yourself for it, and God will send someone that loves you like HE loves you as a reward.  Stay blessed and true to yourself always.

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Mean what you say and say what you mean

Written By: Sophia Reed MSHS

In this blog we will discuss meaning what you say and saying what you mean.  It is self-explanatory, and is something that sounds so easy, but often times as women, or people period, we do not follow this policy.  Before we turn to self-reflection, I would like us to think about others that we know in our lives.  We all know that unreliable person that always tells us that they are going to be somewhere at a certain time, but never shows up.  We all know that person that makes plans with us, but never follows through.  We all know that person that we will never trust with important stuff because although they say that they are going do it, they always manage to forget, say that they are busy, or come up with some excuse as to why they did not follow through on what they said.


Think for a minute of that person and your opinion of them.  Do we think that person is a bad person, not necessarily; we just think that person is unreliable, untrustworthy, and many times we may laugh at them for being this way.  Sometimes we may even lose out on friendships, romantic relationships, or professional relationships because a person is that way, because we feel we cannot trust them with the important stuff in our lives, and will never stick or neck out for them because doing so may turn out to be a bad reflection on us. 

Now let’s turn to self-reflection, what person are you?  Do you make a habit of giving your word and not following through on it? Saying that you are going to do something but don’t?  And then make excuses as to why you didn’t do it, and make excuses and feel like this is sufficient.  I would like you to reflect on the importance of your word.  When you think about it, your word means a lot.  It’s your credibility as a person.  It determines if people think you are a liar or think that you are a truthful person.  It determines whether people feel they can trust you are not.


A common term that people say is that actions speak louder than words.  But I would beg a differ; I would like to think that they go hand and hand.  Because if your words were followed by actions, that is a way that we become a more trustworthy person.  Let’s examine each aspect of the relationships so you can see in detail what I am talking about.

First I would like to begin on how our words can affect romantic relationships. In a relationship, let start in the beginning. Think how do you begin to really trust someone?  It all goes back to their word.  If you meet a man and he says that he will call you the following day, and does, then that begins to build trust.  On the flip side, if it doesn’t then that begins to build distrust.  If while in a relationship a man says that he loves you and goes out and cheats on you, then that builds distrust.  Although he did not directly say that he would not cheat on you, it is implied that if someone loves you, then they would not want to hurt you, and that cheating on you would hurt you, therefore you feel like they don’t love you and they broke their word.  In essence although it may not seem like it, a broken word always seems like a lie to us.


 I think that this is especially true for women, and that is why men and women often have a misunderstanding to trusting one another in a relationship.  Women value words and what a man says, and when they don’t live up to that word for whatever reason, then women feel betrayed…… and then they feel like  the man is a liar.  Often time, when doing couples counseling, men will say “She keeps calling me a liar, and I didn’t lie to her.”  It’s not that he directly lied to her but that he did not keep his word and therefore she feels betrayed and lied to as a consequence.

Let’s take it to another aspect in a friendship. We all know that unreliable person that we cannot count on for anything because they never follow through on what they set out to do or follow through on their word.  Often time this causes conflict in friendships if we are counting on someone for something and them not doing it.  Examples of this are, them always being late, always being unreliable, always putting a man over a friendship.  All that goes back to someone’s word.  If your friend says “Yeah we are going to have to go out sometimes” and is always going out with her boyfriend or making other plans and never seems to make time for your friendship then yes their word begins to mean nothing to you because you can never count on what they say, and you began to feel like they don’t understand the importance of your friendship.

The same can be said in a professional relationship.  It determines if you can be a trustworthy employee versus and untrustworthy employee.  Examples of this include, if your boss is going to give you a second chance when you mess up versus no second chance.  Weather a boss if going to consider you for a promotion versus no promotion.  That is because if a boss gives you a deadline and you commit to doing it, that is the same as your word.  If you miss deadline after deadline, then you are making yourself as an untrustworthy person. If you  have a job, then call in sick a lot of time, then that goes back to your word.  When you take a job, you made a commitment to do the job to the fullest of your ability, therefore not following through on your commitment is like breaking your word, by calling out sick excessively you are deeming yourself untrustworthy.

A person that can’t keep up on their work, a person that cannot handle additional responsibilities on the workplace, because you are known around the office as being the slacker, goes back to not following through on what you committed yourself to, on what you gave your word to, and that is not something that you want to be known as.   

I bring up all the above to say this.  Your word is your bond, it is what you are known by, it determines if people will trust you are not.  Even if you look at the issues of credit, anytime you sign a receipt using a credit card, it says I agree to pay this amount.  That is another form of your word.  Having bad credit, speaks about your word.  It speaks about whether you agree to pay your debts off or not.  There are unforeseen circumstances that happen that may affect your credit, but when you do get money or another job, then pay off the amount because you have agreed previously to do so.  Filing for bankruptcy is a cope out, and another example of how your agreement (even if it was not verbal but written) was broken and how you are not a trustworthy person.

At the end of the day, what I want you to see is that it is not okay to go around saying you are not going to do something but don’t do it.  It is not okay to tell your children something, and then not follow through on it.  It is not okay, to tell people that you will do something, be somewhere, or not follow through.  It may sound like something so minor, but it affects the way others see you.  It affects weather someone is willing to enter into a romantic relationship with you, weather someone is willing to put their neck on the line for you, weather someone is going to give you a promotion, weather someone will co-sign for you.  For myself, I am a good person on my word.  If I say that I am going to do something then I do it, if for some reason I can’t do something, then I offer an explanation as to why, and it is often a very good explanation.  In previous chapters, I speak about building yourself up and making yourself a better person.


Doing what you say and saying what you mean is a large part of that.  If you as a person do not have your word, then no one will trust you, no one will even care what you half to say, no will have any positive things to say about you or your character.  Do not be that person.  Make a practice every day to follow through on your word.  If there is something that you can’t do and you know in your mind that you have no intentions of doing it, then don’t say you will.  Because the only person that it is a bad reflection on is yourself, and as you read thus far, a positive perception of yourself inside and out, is what you want to have… and preserve.

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