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Question 10/25/14

Okay, so I am a 34 year old women.  I met my boyfriend 7 years ago.  It was like love at first sight.  But unfortunately 3 weeks after I met him, he went to prison where he would stay for the next 6 years.  After he got out my boyfriend move him with me.  I waited for him the whole time and was faithful.  My boyfriend currently has 3 children by three women and I have none.  When he was in prison we talked about getting married and having children of our own.  But now that he has gotten out, he says that he does not want to get married or have children.  We have been together for 7 years and I do not know what to do.  I put in so much time and effort and now we do not want the same things.  I do want to get married and I do want children, but I do not know how to change his mind.  What should I do?


Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it was not love at first site.  It was lust at first sight.  How could you love him when you did not even really know him.  A few weeks is not enough time to get to know someone. In all honestly you cannot change anyone's mind.  One indicator that something was not quite right with this man, was that he had three kids by three different women.  Why on Earth was he adding you to the mix of prison, children, and three other women.  Or the better question is, why did you enter the mix? In no where during this process, did you feel like something was wrong here?  Or maybe he needed to concentrate on his kids and not another woman? 

But as it stands, you are together now.  Your decision is easy.  Stay with him and not have children or get married.  Or leave and go about your business and find a man that wants to give you what you want.  I am sorry that you have wasted so much time (7 years to be exact), but you have a choice to make.  Waste more time trying to convince him to do something he does not want to do, which may or may not work. Or go about your business.  I suggest going about your business.  You have a limited time to have children and your approaching that down hill child bearing age.  Most doctor suggest having kids by 35. Why would you want to continue caring for another man children without him giving you some of your own? Best to go about your business.  The best of luck to you.  

Question 9/27/14

My Response 

This post has been going around social media lately so I wanted to address it.  First I want to say that there is really no right or wrong answer.  What I will say is that as a single mother I personally would not ask my date to buy my kid something to eat. BUT it would melt my heart if he did it without me even asking. You do not have to buy anyone’s kids dinner if you do not want to.  You really do not have to do anything if you do not want to. BUT..... If you really like the women it would have been a nice gesture! 

For me this question poses a bigger problem.  And that is what happened to men trying to impress a woman.  Some men feel they can give you $10 for a tank of gas and a happy meal and you should be ready to drop your underwear.  If you expect anything else then all of a sudden you are a gold digger.  The man did not have an obligation to give her kids anything.  But if he was interested you think he may have at least wanted to get in brownies points by getting the kids something.  If he really wants to be with her in the future then he would meet her kids eventually, so why not get in good now?

I think the bigger picture is that men do not want to work for a women.  (Read my blog on will the real Boaz please stand up).  Boaz is a famous man in the Bible that every women wants.  He sent Ruth home with food for her mother and law, asked his workers to look after her in the field, and made set up impromptu lunch date in the middle of the day, on the first day he met her!  He did not have to do any of this, but it is what he did because he liked Ruth and wanted to get in good with her.  This is what real men do.  Why try to slide by with the bare minimum on a date? With someone you want to impress?  Go hard or go home.  

He wanted to know if she was asking for too much, the better question may be is he willing to give the women what she feels she needs from a man interested in dating her?

Question 8/7/14

Okay, so I have a boyfriend that I really love.  We have been talking about marriage and the future and everything.  There is only one problem.  My ex, and the fact that I cannot stop sleeping with him.  I feel like something is wrong with me. I love my boyfriend and we have a pretty good sex life, but when I see my ex something comes over me and I just cannot control my self.  I have been seeing my ex for the past two and a half years and me and my boyfriend have been together for four.  I know that he is ready to take it to the next level, but I do not know if I can cut my ex off completely.  I am so confused.  I may be still in love with him in a way, but I think it is just the sex.  What should I do?


The answer is simple, stop having sex with you ex.  If you do not see yourself being able to do that then there is no way that you are going to be able to move forward with your boyfriend.  I mean what is your plan, to bring your ex into your marriage and have sex with him from time to time.  I know you could not think that you ex can be a permanent fixture in your current relationship. 

If for some reason you cannot see yourself letting go of you ex, then you may want to let go of your current boyfriend.  How can you really love him and if you cannot remain faithful to him. This little affair of yours has been going on for a long time.  Remember what is done in the dark will come into light, and if your boyfriend has not found out by now then you are lucky.  But if you continue trust and believe he will.  If you want your current relationships to continue then leave your ex in the past.  That means stop seeing him, stop taking his phone calls, and most importantly stop having sex with him. 

Question 7/31/2014

I have a boyfriend.  We have only been dating for about 9 months and I think he is the one.  But I have a horrible secret.  One night when we were partying and drinking over his house and my boyfriend passed out, I had sex with his brother.  This was about a month ago and his brother has not said anything and I am confused if I should say something.  I want to keep it to myself, but if his brother says something I know my boyfriend will be mad..  Do you think I should be honest? Or keep things to myself?

My Response

This is a hard one.  I am not going to tell you specifically what to do, but just give you the most likely outcome of each option.

If you tell you boyfriend, the relationship is over.  There is no way your boyfriend is going to permanently be with a women who slept with his family member.  Drunk or not, it is just too close for comfort.  Men do not like to think about who else their women has been with, especially if he knows them.

If you do not tell.  I want to remind you that 9 times out of 10 what is done in the dark will come to light.  If you do not tell, then at one point and time his brother may say something.  Especially when he gets mad at his brother or just wants to rub it in his face.

Not to mention he has this sex thing over your head.  What is keeping him for always asking you for sex and threating that if you don’t, he will tell.  Not saying he will, but this is something prime for black mail.
If you do not tell and your boyfriend finds out any way by some other means, then see step one.  Your relationships is over.  He is going to be even more mad that he didn’t hear it from you, even though he would more than likely break up with you anyway.

In short.  If you want your relationships to end now tell him.  If not, then you can ride things out.  It is still a chance that neither you or him will say anything and put this behind you.

As a word of caution.  Do not get drunk around him, or any male ever again.  You would not want to push your luck.

Question 7/28/2014

I was dating a man for three years.  The reason why we broke up is because I was tired of dating and I wanted to get married.  My ex said that he was not trying to get married and so I walked away.  We have only been broken up for 9 months and I found out that he is engaged.  I cannot believe it.  How can he say that he is not ready to get married to me and the next person he meets, he gets engaged.?  

I found out because he called me and told me he felt I had the right to know and didn't want me to hear it from someone else.  Is this some type of game?  I told him not to go through with it.  I know deep down he still loves me.  He even told me so over the phone.  I want contact his girlfriend and let her know. She has a right to know. 

At the very least he is playing games.  Why would he call me and tell me about his engagement if he did not want me to react.  Talking to him on the phone was like old times.  Should I try to win him back or just let it go? 

My Response

Let it go.  The fact that he was willing to date you for three years and then lose you because he did not want to commit to you should say something.  If he really wanted to be with you and marry you then you would have the ring not his fiance.  

As far as him calling you to tell you the news, who cares.  He may be trying to play games with you, but that the end of the day you do not have to engage in his nonsense if you do not want to.  

Do not.  I repeat, do not call, contact, email, IM or any of the above his fiance. You do not want to tell her for her benefit, you just wand to start drama.  I do not care if he told you he loved you or not.  He does not love you enough to come back.  You are going to look like the crazy ex-girlfriend that cannot let go. And you contacting her is not going to phase her a bit.  Why should it, she has the ring, you don’t. 

The next time he calls tell him congrats and get off the phone.  He may just be looking for a reaction out of you.  Do not give him the satisfaction of him seeing you beg or cry over him.  He is getting married. Remind him of that when he calls and let him know you have not place in his life, tell him to go back to where he belongs.  His fiance.  Move on and find a good man of your own and not stay in the past with someone who walked out of your life and on to someone else. 

Question 7/24/2014

I am in my early 20’s.  Since graduating from high school I have not really did anything great with myself.  Now that I am more mature.  I want to go to college and do something.  The problem is, my boyfriend does not support me.  Not only does he not support me, but he is a loser.  We have been together since highschool.  I always thought we would get married one day.  He still wants to.  But we never have any money, he smokes weed all day, and that is our life.  When we were younger it was cool, but now that we are grown I do not see my life like this.  I still love him, but he does not want me to go away to college.  I got accepted to a school that is about 2 hours away and they are giving me financial aid.  He does not want to come with me, and he does not want to apply either.  We have been together for years.  I do not want to throw away our relationship, but I also do not want to be in the same dead in job being broke all my life.

 How can I convince my boyfriend that this is a good move.  Thanks!

My Response 

First off, you can’t convive your boyfriend of anything.  There is no magic formula that is going to make him accept you and your decision.  But your decision to go to college is just that YOUR DECISION.  Many people are together in high school and grow out of each other.  The last thing you want to do is not go to college, 3 years down the line break up anyway and regret it  People grow, people grow out of people. You may be growing out of your boyfriend.

I am not telling you to break up with him.  But I would simple tell him I am going to college.  His choices are:

A. Get a job there so we can continue the relationship.
B. Go to college with me.
C. Have a long distance relationship.
D. Or break up.

You have to understand that your future does not rest on a man and what he thinks.  You should make the best decision for you.  If he not on board with that so what.  You only have one life.  It is up to you to make the most of it.  If you have dead weight then it is best to let him go.  May sound harsh. But its the truth.  Go to college!

Question 7/13/14

I recently broke up with my boyfriend and now he is dating my best friend.  I am completely over him and I am the one who broke up with him.  But he and my best friend got together like two months after we broke up.  We have the same group of friends and whenever we go out they are there together.  I think it is weird and disgusting.  They accuse me of being jealous but really I am not.  I am just not into sharing my ex with my friends.  Am I overreacting?  Should I just accept it or should I refused to hang out with them? I am just ready to cut them both off and not ever speak to them again. Would I be wrong if I did that?
I just want to start by saying that your concerns are completely normal.  If I were you I would think that one of me best friends being with my boyfriend was kinda weird too.  I can see if a few year has past by but it has only been a few months.  In other words you have a right to feel the way you feel and jealousy has nothing to do with it.


As far as what you should do about it.  Do whatever makes you feel happy. You do not have to cut off the friendship. Just tell your friend that you have no problem hanging out with her but if your ex is going to be there, then you prefer not to be there with him.  Tell her the truth.  Its not that your jealous, its just that this is getting little too close for comfort and its weird for you. She can either choose to accept your it or not.  But if she is your friend, I would think she would understand that you do not want to see her tonguing down your ex boyfriend in front of your face, two months after you broke up.

If she is a true friend then she should understand that.  If she wants to fight with you over it, and you want to cut her off then that is fine too.  After all who wants to fight over a man that you no longer care about. If you can perhaps give it some time.  Maybe in 6 months you would be more comfortable hanging out with them both.  Its okay for you to explain that to her too.  She can either respect how you feel or not.  And if she chooses not to, then do what you have to do.  

Question 7/12/14

I am in a relationship. Although I love my boyfriend and I want to be with him it is so hard.  I just get so angry at him, all the time.  And sometimes I do not even know why.  It’s like he provokes things in me, and I find myself yelling at him, on a daily basis.  He says I treat him like a child.  I do not mean to, but it is just so hard to explain how I feel.  I can get angry at him for messing up my order when he goes out to pick up food.  I get angry if he does not react the way I want him to react.  This is not my first relationship, but it has been the longest.  And I have never behaved this way toward anyone before.  It is to the point that when I am yelling, I feel like a crazy person.  He says that he want to be with me, but cannot go on if I do not get help.  But I do not ever know here to start or what I should do.  Is this a sign that I need to end it?


It is hard to understand the full dynamic of your relationship or the extent of you anger.  No relationship is going to be perfect and each one has its own problems.  If you do want this relationships to go further, then your boyfriend is right, you have to change.  No one as the ability to affect your emotions but you.  Meaning that whatever your boyfriend does, he is never going to be perfect.  You cannot change him but you can change the way you react to him.  You have to realize that some things are just not that serious.  Unless the messed up food order is going to give you food poisoning then it really is not that big of a deal.  You have to learn how to pick and choose your battles.  Who wants to argue all day everyday over stuff that does not even matter.  As you move forward in your relationship, things are going to get harder and more serious issues will come up.  If you cannot handle the small things, then you will not be able to handle things down the line.  Perhaps getting anger management is not such a bad idea for you.  Maybe even some counseling to find out what is the source of your anger.  It may not even be your boyfriend that you are getting made at, but some underlying issue and you are just taking it out on him.  No man wants to be treated like a child and controlled.  This is one of the fastest ways to run him away because you are taking away his ability to be a man.  This may be one of your problems.  You may be used to always being in control and not able to let go of the reigns to someone else.  This is probably something else you need to explore.

Question 7/9/14

I am 25 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for fives years.  We got together our senior year in college.  In college I was very active.  I use to run track and play a lots of sports.  Since graduating I had to wake up to the real world.  I had to get a job and we also had a baby which is now 2 years old.  Since, I have gained about 25 pounds.  I used to always be around 120 pounds, and now I am not.  This has created a huge rift in our relationship.  My boyfriend always calls me fat and he tells me that he is not attracted to me because of my weight.  We do not have sex and I feel so very unattractive.

I have a kid with my boyfriend so I want everything to work out.  I am depressed, sad, and I cry all the time.  I do exercise and have lost some weight but it does not seem to be coming off fast enough.  This only frustrates me and my boyfriend, which he says I am not trying hard enough.

I have to work, I have a toddler, I am overwhelmed, and I do not know what to do!  Any advice would be helpful.


First you have to be able to give yourself a break.  It is natural to gain weight after children as well as when you move to different points of your life.  As far as gaining 20 pounds, the weight that you are at now is not considered to be out of control.

What you have to do is try to calm down.  One of the main reasons why you may not be losing weight is because you are stressed.  This can prevent you from losing weight.  And you have to loose weight at your own pace.  Considering you have a child, job, and family you have other responsibilities that needs you.  Its okay not to lost 20 pounds in two weeks.

As for your boyfriend, him calling you fat may be his weird way of trying to help you.  He may feel that by getting on you about your weight you will feel so bad and work harder to loose it.  What he is failing to realize is that you are not in college running track and having a super active lifestyle.  This on top of the fact that you had his child is what contributed to you gaining weight (which by the way is not very much weight).

You need to just tell him how you feel.  That his coming down on you is actually making things worse, not better.  Also you can encourage him to workout with you, since he is so concerned about your weight.

If you are stressed out, you are not going to be of good use to anyone.  Just focus on your emotional health and being strong so that you can carry on and do the things you need to do in life.

If your boyfriend cares for you like he says he should be able to understand your point of view when you talk to him.

Question 7/8/14

I have been seeing this guy for about six months.  The first few weeks were really wonderful.  He used to call me, we used to go out on dates, and now we do not do any of that.  I have not have sex with him which he feels is a problem.  He told me he is seeing other women so he can get this need met.  He told me that he could not make me his girlfriend until we had sex because that is the only way that he could find out if he really like me or not.  Most of the time I call him, he does not call me.  When I do call, he do not answer the phone nor does he call me back.  He only calls me when he wants to and 9 times out of 10 it is to pressure me to have sex.  The reason why I stick around is because I really like him.  It was going so well in the beginning and I just want to go back to that.  How can I salvage the relationship?


In this case from what I can see there is nothing you are doing wrong.  Sometimes you just really have to accept the explanation that it is “him and not you.” I understand things were going all good at first, he probably thought that if he wined and dined you in the beginning then he would be able to have sex with you.

But since that did not happen, he seems to have lost interest and wants to move on.  In this case this is not a bad thing, why would you want someone who only wants to use you for sex.  He has told you he wants you for sex, he has shown you that he is not interested in any type of relationship, when a man shows you who he is believe him.

As far as trying to salvage the relationship.  You can’t, the reason why you can’t is because he does not want to be in a relationship.  You cannot make anyone do something they do not want to do.  Honesty, it may not even be that he does not want to be in a relationship with you, he probably doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone.

Do not let him manipulate you into sex.  You are doing the right thing.  Just forget about this man and find someone else.  He is not going to be able to give you the relationship you want or need.  Not only is he pressuring you for sex, but he is disrespectful to tell you that he is sleeping with other women to met his need. So let him stay with those other women, and you find a man that can meet your needs and is willing to be in a relationship with you.

Question 7/5/2014

 I just broke up with my boyfriend of six years.  We have been dating since college and I thought he was going to be the one I was going to marry.  My boyfriend and I used to live together and everything.  One day he just told me that he did not want to be with me anymore and he moved out.  I am so sad I do not know what to do.  I don’t know what I did wrong and he won’t tell me.  I want him back. We have six year together and I feel whatever is wrong we can move past it.  I feel so lonely without him and I know there is no one better for me than him.  Can you please give me tips on how to get my man back?

My response 

I have tips for you, but I do not think it is going to be the one you want to here.  Women always feel they want to win back there ex.  But what for? He does not want to be with you.  I know this may sound harsh, but you cannot make anyone do something they do not want to do.  You cannot make him love you and you cannot make him come back to you, if he doesn’t want to.

I know you feel that you have six years invested in this relationships and you feel like you have wasted your time.  But what is better? For him to break up with you now knowing he has no intentions of marrying you, or to be with you six more years and then leave.

I suggest that you just start the process of getting over this man.  It may take some time but moving on is for the best.  If you spend time trying to win this man back and he does not come back, you are just delaying the inevitable and prolonging your heart break.

You want a man that equally wants to be with you.  So stop trying to figure out what you did wrong, why he left, and if he will come back.  It does not matter.  If he is going to come back he will do it on his own.  And the best way you can make that happen is by moving on with your life and not sitting around showing him you have nothing better to do, than to wait for him.

Perhaps when you move on and he sees how happy you are without him, then he may change his mind.  But focus on you and do what makes you happy.

Question 7/3/14

I haven never ever been in a relationship and I am 25 years old.  I like men of course but they do not seem to notice me.  When talking to guys I admit I do not have much confidence.  I do not know what to say to them and I come off as being awkward.  Also, I am not very “girly.” I do not dress up and I do not wear make-up.  I feel like I am way to old to have never been in a relationship before.  I have not had sex or even been kissed.  Can you please give me some advice?


You would be shocked at how many women are in their 20’s and not had meaningful relationships.  When it comes to dealing with men, or anyone for that matter, the concept is very simple.  The answer is confidence.  If you do not have confidence in yourself then it is going to show.  Have you ever seen someone walk into a room and they may not be the most attractive, but because they have confidence they get all of the attention.  

We you are comfortable with yourself you will not be so awkward around men and this is when men will feel more comfortable approaching you.  Now as far as the “girly” aspect.  You do not have to be girly but you do have to try in your appearance.  No man is going to want to get to know your insides, if they cannot get past your outside.  With that being said, find your own style that works with your personality and still makes you look good. 

If you want to try make up, I recommend going on YouTube and finding make up tutorials that you can practice from home.  The same thing can go for hair.  You can get these done professionally, but unless you are going to go to a salon everyday then it would be best to learn how to do your own hair and make up so that every time you step out of the house you look presentable. 
A man will come, but not until you feel comfortable with yourself.  Men already feel like women are overly emotional creatures that are abound to fall apart any minute.  So any sign of not having it all together is going to put you at the bottom of their radar.  Get some confidence, it will happen.

Question 7/1/14

I have been single for quite sometime and honestly I am tired of it.  Sometimes I feel like I am just waiting for a man that is not going to come.  I often wonder if there is really a “one” for me, or if I should just go out and marry anyone.  I will be very honest with you.  I am getting older, I have no children, and I do not want to wait one second longer.  I think it is better for me to just go out and be with someone, marry them, and at least I have a chance.  I think this is way better than waiting for one man that may or may not exist.  Do you think that there is a “one” or do you think that it is up to us to just find someone? 

My Response 

Well.  This is a tricky question that I am sure millions of women around the world want to know.  I do not know if can say there is one particular person out there for everyone, but what I do know is this.  You have the free will to marry whoever you want to marry.  If you chose to just choose anyone and never really find if that person is right for you then you are setting yourself up for a life time of hurt. 

I have seen to many couples in your position that have gotten married just for the sake of not wanting to be alone, and now they regret it.  I do not feel any marriage should be forced, or you get married because you have nothing better to do. 

As far as there being a “one” the person you are supposed to marry I think you will feel it and they will feel it to.  If you are going into a marriage in which you feel you are not sure they are the one you are suppose to marry, then I would say they are not it. 

I know you feel you are alone and are single, but being single is not the worse thing in the world (read my blog here).  If you choose to marry someone, do not choose to settle but marry someone you know without a shadow of a doubt you want to be with.  

Marriage is suppose to be permanent. Do not let your temptation to get out of loneliness lead you into a lifetime of being miserable with the wrong one.  Know yourself first, so that you will know the right person when he comes along.

Even if you are single, do not think you have to sit and think about how single and sad you are all day. Get up and do something, when you do the things you enjoy and the things you are meant to do with your life, then I feel you will find the person you are meant to be with. 

I know your struggled, in fact I wrote a whole book about it.  If you want to check it out, go to the “my book” tab for more info.  Best of luck to you. 

Question 6/30/14


I am a single mother of a 8 year old little girl.  Her father is not in her life and I have no man.  When I date, I let them meet my daughter, and within a few weeks or months things go sour and the men that I am seeing I stop dating.  I do not think it is anything I am doing, but the men I have dated just haven’t been right for me.  The reason why I let them meet my daughter is because I want to see how they do with kids and if she will like them.  I thought I was doing something right BUT now my daughter always ask about the men when they are gone and wonders why they do not stick around.  This is something that troubles her because she feels that she does not have a dad.  Even after I explain to her that I am not seeing a guy anymore, she gets sad, tries to get us back together, or tries to tell me to meet another man.  I do not know what to do. Was I wrong for letting her meet the men I was dating? I thought I was checking their father potential by introducing them to my daughter, but this has seem to backfire on me, what should I do. 


As a single mother I do understand where you are coming from.  I can get that you do not want to invest alot of time with a man just to find out he cannot get along with your child.  However, I think it is a fine balance between letting your child meet the men in your life and not.  Before you introduce your daughter to these men you need to know them..  I mean really know them.  The problems is you bring them into your kid’s life and then find things out about them that is not going to work and then you break up.  
You need to find out everything beforehand.  This way, if there are things about the man you are dating that you cannot deal with, you can break up with them before having introduced them to your daughter.  Also, I feel you should date a man for months and be in a serious relationship first before bringing him to meet your daughter. 

I have dated men for many months and they have never met my child.  The reason being is because I didn’t feel ready to move on to the next level with them yet.  There is nothing wrong with taking it slow until you get to know someone.  I get you want to see how he interacts with your child early one, but introducing her to everyone is only going to teach her that men come and then they go.  You do not want her to develop this relationship pattern, that men are suppose to be in and out of her life. 

As a child this is the way she sees it.  The short answer is this, date a man, see if you like him first, ask many questions, if during the course of this interaction you do not know if you want a long term relationships with him, then do not bring him around your child.  Only bring a man that you are committed to and  he is committed to you.

You can, choose to meet in a public place so that it is not intimidating to the child by having him over at your house.  For example, “bump” into each other at the ice cream shop.  Have him join you and your daughter and see how the interaction goes.  

This way, your daughter does not feel like another man is revolving in and out of her life, and you are not setting her up for unhealthy relationships patterns. But you still get your meet your goal is seeing if he is “father” Potential. 

As a single mother I understand your daughter needs for a father and your need for a husband as well.  It is important however, not to force a relationships with a man to fulfill those needs.  I suggest reading my book, Waiting For A Man After God’s Own Heart. It outlines my relationships experiences as a single woman and mother.  Click on the book tab on this site for more info. And you can read the first two chapters free on Amazon.  Good luck. 

Question 6/27/14

I am 35 and single.  I do not have any children and I do not have a man.  I want to be married so bad, but it does not seem to be happening for me.  I cannot meet a good guy that wants to settle down.  All men want to is have sex, have other women, do what they want and not settle down.  I am so lonely, I know I am a good woman.  I have my own place, car, and job. I look nice and take are of myself, but still all I get is bad relationships.  I want to be married I want to have children, what should I do? 


The situation that you have found yourself in is a situation many women find themselves in.  This was a situation I even found myself in once upon ago.  Then I had to learn some important lessons.  Even though you may not want to hear it now, you need to understand it.  

You do not need a man to be happy.  If you do feel like you need a man to be happy, then something is wrong. It is nothing wrong with wanting to be married, but there is something wrong with determining weather you are happy based off being in a relationships.  

I am a Christian, and with God you are never alone.  This may sound cliche, but you can talk to God and He can talk back, and you can be fulfilled with your relationship with Him.  You can also get a hobby and work on improving yourself.  By doing things you want and enjoy to do, you will not feel as if you are waiting for your life to begin when you find a man. 

Many married women would kill to be single again.  Marriage is not all peaches and roses.  Be content in the space you are in now and go about doing what you feel you were created to do.  It is possible that through this path you may find your Mr. Right. 
As for men you date, that are not about anything.  You are going to find men like that.  The best thing you can do is, recognize it early on and move on. Do not spend more time on a man than he deserves. When you adapt the mentality that you do not need a man, but they need you. You will notice the type of men you start to attract.  

As for the men who only want sex, don’t give it to them.  If they are there for sex and they know you are not going to give in, then they will go away fast.  Another preventative measure to spend less time on the bad men as possible and move on to the good. 

For more advice and encouragement for being single and happy, click on the book tab and check out my book Waiting For A Man After God’s Own Heart. You can read the first two chapters free via Amazon. 

Question 6/23/14

I have been married for 15 years.  I got married when I was 18 and my husband was 23. I was very young and impressionable and wanted to get married because I thought it would give me security. I was always taught to get a man to take care of you. Since I have been married to my husband it has just been one lie after the next.  He lied about where he grew up and his past.  During our marriage I found out he had a child at 16 that he doesn't take care of. Everything that he has ever told me is a lie . It seems like everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. I am not young anymore and I am so tired of him and our marriage, what should I do?


I know that you are tired of your marriage and you are looking for a way out, this is why my answer is going to be both hard for you to hear and accept. Since you are married you took a vow for "for better or for worse." What that means is that you are taking a vow for when things are bad and when the worse appears in that person you are saying you will still be there.  This is why it is so important to know yourself and your husband before you get married. Because once you make that leap you gave an oath to try to make it work.

There are some situations that I do feel you can divorce such as him cheating or abuse, but him being a liar is something he has to work on and as his wife you have to work on with him. Contrary to popular belief marriages are going to have problems. If your husband did  not have a lying problem then it would be something else that would irritate you all the same. Getting married means becoming one. His problems are your problems so together you need to try to find a way to fix it. This may include counseling. 

Also, when he lies call him out on  it. Do not let him skate by with lying to you, you knowing about it and never saying anything.  This will just lead to him lying to you more because there is no consequence. The more you confront him with lying behavior and stand your ground the less likely he is to lie.  But try everything there is to try first before giving up.

Question 3/25/14
My boy friend broke up with me two years ago. He broke all his promises of marrying me and so he left me.  Then he also deleted me off his fb account as a result when he texted me and I didn't reply him.
Later on I was dying without him so I added him again and continued a sort of friendship with him. I always compromised and invested more than him and he used to chase after my female friend (who was also his friend but she left him as he left me, so he tried his best to regain his lost friendship with her).

On the other hand I care for him , loved him but he took me as an option without realizing how much he hurts me. I was the one who used to text him more , chasing after him ,Now I have stopped texting him and chasing him , so he now texts me after 10 days or after two weeks and just asks me how I am where i am. Whenever I decide to leave him and once I said to him Goodbye , he didn't let me go. I’m confused. A week ago he text me and says if  I am ignoring him then I need to tell him clearly n he got angry.
Now he has started ignoring me , I have texted him two times and asked him but he doesn't talk to me well .What i do now ?? It is hurting me.  He keeps coming back after two or more weeks and just asks me how I am doing and that's it.  When I start moving on he comes in and off my bandage and now he is just acting I am nothing for him .

Need an advice.  Do I need to break all my contact , fb , mobile etc ??????????????I don't get whether he cares for me or not or just playing with my feelings. Please respond me , I need help THANKS

My Answer 

I am sorry for what you are going through, but I am going to be very straight forward with you.  You do need to leave him alone.  The reason why you are still hurt is because you keep going back and forth with this guy.  The only way that you can stop hurting and learn to heal, is to cut off all communication with him and move on. 

To be honest, I do not think that he cares about you.  If he did he would not be hurting you.  If he wanted to be with you, then he would be with you and that is really how simple it is.  The only reason why he is going through this back and forth with you is because you are allowing him to.  Men will string you a long for as long as you let them.  And that is what is going on here. 

Even when you break off communication with him, he may even beg to come back and say that he loves you.  But do not fall for it.  Actions speak louder than words.  If he is not showing you that he loves you, then you can almost bet that his talk is cheap. 

In closing you have to move on. Moving on this the only way that you can find someone that really wants to be with you.  It is hard to find a new love, someone that is actually deserving of your love with your ex hanging on by the waist side. 

Reading your message, I do not think that you love him at all.  When you really think about it, out of all the stuff you wrote, what is there to love?  He treats you bad and chases after your friend.  I think you just love what type of man you think he can be for you.  Not the man he actually is.  If you based your love based off the things that he has shown you, then he is not deserving of you or your love.  It may be hard, but yes move on. 

Question 1/6/14


So I have not been in a relationships for 10 years.  My longest relationships has only lasted about 5 months.  Don’t get me wrong, I have had sex with men since then, but for some reason they do not want to make me their girlfriend.  I try everything that I can to make them see that I am a good women.  Right now, I am dating a guy I met online.  I really like him, but I do not know if he likes me AND I am afraid to asked.  The only think that I can get from him is that he is not ready for anything long term.  I cook for this man, clean for this man, and do everything in my power to try to keep him.  What am I doing wrong?!

My Answer 

Have you ever heard the phrase by Albert Einstein that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  Well, if you find yourself single and going through the same pattern of relationships then I think that it is time you look at doing something different.  First and foremost, why are you cooking, cleaning, and everything else for a man that has made it clear to you that he does not want to be with you?  If you want to be in a a relationship and he does not, then why are you still with him!  What do you mean you do not know how he feels about you.  He told you he does not want anything long term.  THAT IS HOW HE FEELS! Walk away and stop putting so much effort into a man that is not putting any effort into you.  All those things that you mention (cooking and cleaning) is good if you were is women and he has earned it.  But he hasn’t earned anything.  Stop playing his wife, when he does not want to make you his wife.  Stop putting yourself in a position that he has clearly told you, he doesn't want you in.  You are the prize, and when you see yourself like that.  Other men will to.  I recommend you read my blog " He Who Finds a Wife Finds A Good, Thing Not the Other Way Around."  

Question 12/14/2013

I am going back into the dating field after 20 years of marriage.  I am having trouble with men, because they are so different from what I am used to when I dated my husband.  The man I am dating now, only wants to invite me to his house and attempts to have sex with me.  We never go out on dates and the one time I told him to order food when I was at his house, he refused because he did not have any money.  I refused to have sex with him, and he told me to leave.  He said that if I was looking for something more serious, he was not it.  He constantly ask me for money to.  I know he likes me because he always calls me pretty and give me compliments on my body.  But we cannot seem to move things forward.  Please Help 

My Answer

Okay.  So first of all. You need to leave this man alone.  He has told you that he does not want to be in a relationship and he has kicked you out of his home when you refused to have sex with him.  I think that these are two major signs that he is not it.  Going forward when a man tells you he is not the one for you, believe him.  You or no one else is going to change his mind about that.  As for his liking you, he does not like you.  It would seem that he does not know you! The only thing he likes is to have sex with you or trying to, and the only thing he compliments you on is your appearance. Other than that, he know nothing about you. Stop trying to fix him or making him into a boyfriend, when he does not want to be.  And please, stop giving him money.  Do not call him again, and do not answer his phone calls if he calls you again.  The only thing you are going to do, is prolong the inevitable, and that is a break-up.  The longer you carry on this “relationship” the harder it is going to be when it does happen.  Because it will happen.  How do I know?  Because the man himself has told you this.  Please look at some of the past blogs.

How to heal from a broken heart

How to have expectations

Both of these I feel will help you in your future dating endeavors.  The best of luck to you. 

Question 12/8/2013

I have been communicating with a guy a met online since 2 months now. It was mostly texts and few phone calls and 2 dates. He texted me good morning everyday and we exchanged texts after that throughout the day as time permitted till we slept off at night. We shared a lot of our feelings and thoughts and he was always understanding. The 2 dates we had were really great and I found him to be a very genuine and caring person. He told me more than once that he is interested in me and into me and not seeing anyone else. He told me that he likes me because of my honesty. We also flirted quite a bit but it was never anything overly sexual. I had made it clear to him that we would have sex only after few more dates with each other. And he was very nice about that. In between we couldn't meet for a while since he was having some personal work and so did I. However we kept in touch as usual and decided to meet after Thanksgiving. So this Wednesday I asked him whether he would like to meet on Saturday and he was very excited about it. On Thursday we discussed the plan and on Friday I texted him to let me know once he is home from work so that we fix the time of meeting. To which he replied ok. That was the last I heard from him. I called him yesterday to confirm the time but no reply. I dropped him a text and an email. But nothing yet. We have had no arguments or fights in this 2 months. And he seemed equally interested in our upcoming date and although I understand he might have lost interest ... but how can that happen overnight is what is paining me a lot. After all this while of talking to each at least I deserved some explanation.

My Answer

I think all women have similar situations to yours.  So I will try to explain what I come to know how men think.  Men do not think like women.  Him blowing you off or not answering your calls, text, emails, are probably no big deal to him. And he more than likely does not mean to hurt you.  He may just be busy doing something else.  I would like to also give some insight to your situation, and that is this.  From what you described you may have offered yourself too easily.  Even though you have not had sex with him, it is hard for men to process the idea of you talking about sex before you are monogamous.  Yes men will have sex with you without being your boyfriend.  But it is hard to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship when you do not set that tone from the start.  Meaning that when you date someone, just simple date them to get to know them.  Do not talk about sex or intimate conversation until he is with you exclusively.  Otherwise, doing so too soon, they assume that you have the sex talk after a few dates with every man that you date, and to them that could be a turn off.  Because to men, if you are not monogamous he thinks you could be dating many other men (even though you may not be).  And to him, if you are willing to have the sex talk or have sex after x amount of dates without requiring him to him be monogamous, then he feels that you do that with every man that you have dated.  This could be the reason for the blow off.  Some suggested reading for you is “Why men love B*tches” and “Act like a lady, think like a man” It will help you get this concept.  

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