Sunday, October 27, 2013

Be the Exception and Not the Rule!

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In recent times I have been hearing people call me a reoccurring word.  And that is an overachiever.  I find it funny because I never thought of it that way.  I just thought of it as life.  I thought of it as me having a calling and being passionate about something and pursuing it.  Is that wrong? Or is that what we are supposed to be doing?

Let me explain what I mean by that statement. When we were created and put on this Earth, there were certain gifts, desires, passions, and callings.  When those gifts, desires, passions, and callings are screaming at you so loud that you have no choice but to pursue them, I don’t call that over achieving, I call that living.

One thing that I cannot stand are those people on the Earth that wonder around aimless, partying all the times, lolly gagging all the time, and not thinking that there is a bigger purpose to their life then what they were doing. 

The fact of the matter is that most people will come to the realization that they have a calling in life.  The down side is they come to that conclusion many times too late in life.  When they have too many responsibilities and too little time to try to pursue the things that were called for. Either that, or people become lazy and people feel like things should be handed to them.  By then they think, if their calling requires too much work they just give up and go for what is fun. Sadly,  the end result is a meaningless life in which you have not done or accomplished anything much.

Yesterday, someone asked me if I thought that I was taking on too much.  My answer, is no.  I know where I want to be in life and I know what I want.  I am willing to put in the work to achieve these things and I am willing to push myself to the limit to achieve these things no matter what. Because I know with hard work comes a reward.

A lot of people have an issue with what I am saying.  A lot of people have an issue with pushing themselves to the limit.  But if you don’t push yourself, you will never know how high you can fly.  You will settle for flying at the height of a sparrow, when you were meant to soar as high as an eagle.  How can you learn to fly if you don’t strengthen your wings and build up your stamina.  The only way that this can happen is to push yourself…..and hard!  Each time you push, you will find that you get stronger and stronger and as you get stronger you go higher and higher. 

So instead flying under the radar being satisfied with just being average or mediocre.  I dare you to break every expectation that people have of you and be an overachiever.  I dare you to be the exception and not the rule.

Everyday when you wake up make list of things that you need to do that day in order for you to feel successful.  And then get her DONE!!!  I make a practice of doing this every day.  And when I finish all that is on my list it is the best thing in the world.  This way you know you are making progress everyday toward your goal.  If you make a practice of this, before you know it you will reach your goal in no time.  And do not make your goals small and insignificant.  Make them hard to reach, so that when reach them you feel like you have actually accomplished something. 

So visualized, figure out what your dream is, and accomplish it.  Reach the highest and baddest dream that you can fathom and go for it.  Maybe you will get there and maybe you won’t, but at least you tried.  At least you attempted to be and do something better.  Which is what you should be doing anyway, because that was God created you.  You were created in God’s image, so what in the world is impossible to you.

In case you missed it, I am a author.  I have a book which is my exception not the rule.  Click on the book tab to check out my book and for more information.  Read the first two chapters free through Amazon.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

An FYI To Single Mothers

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It seems that as single mothers, we never really get to enjoy single life because as a single mother we have responsibilities.  We have all the responsibilities of a full fledge family minus the man.  I am responsible for taking off from work when my son is sick or finding backup sitter when the school is closed. There is no one to trade places with, only me.  I am responsible for picking him up in time, dropping him off every day on time, or I have to pay a fee. I cannot go to happy hour after work; it is the same routine day in and day out. Sounds great doesn’t it. 

Sometimes it is hard, having only one income but wanting to give my son the life of a two parent household.  I know for me I did not want being a single mother to be an excuse for my son to lack for anything.  Therefore my advice to single mothers is to adapt the same attitude.  I know you want for your child or children to have a father figure, but you do not have to wait for a man to do things with your child.  Also I would like to say to single mothers that you do not need to ditch your children in efforts to stay out all night to go find one.  It’s okay to go out, but to go out every other day or every weekend without your kids, this is excessive. 

One thing that God has spoken to me is that when a man looks to date a woman with children the first thing they are going to look at is how they treat their child, especially if the man has children or wants more children.  They may flirt and talk to you.   But trust me; no man is going to take you seriously if you are in the club all night leaving your children with your mother or babysitter all the time.  They are going to think that this behavior is going to continue if they marry you or have children by you. Therefore it is good to do things with your children and have them in activities.  

Another thing that I am going to speak about is really going to get some people heated….and that is some women need to stop procreating.  I understand women who were married and have several children and are now divorced.  However if you have one child by one man, then go and have another by another man, and then by another, and another….at what point are you going to learn your lesson.  Having a baby is no way to keep a man. So stop. Also for FYI when you are looking for that husband it is not a good look to have 5 baby fathers.  Honestly, even if you have multiple children by one man and you are not married.  STOP!   If he does not want to marry you, why do you keep pumping out his children?  Babies are a blessing and even if they are intentional, if he wants to continue to have babies with you but not put a ring on your finger, something is really wrong.  Yes I do have a child.  But I am not going to continue to have more and more children out of wedlock.  I have been there already and done that! And news flash it’s hard!  Women do not fall for the man that does not believe in marriage and it’s a piece of paper.  That is BS, and they are full of it.  It is not just a piece a paper.  It is a responsibility; it is a vow before God that he is willing to step up and be a man to take care of the children that he created.  If he is not, then move on, why waste your time. I feel a real man that wants to be with you; will not want to keep you on the market for another man to snatch you up. 

I am tired of parents being selfish and crying all the time treating their child bad because they feel that their child is the reason they have no man.  Your child is here, you are their parent and you are responsible for their wellbeing.  So stop being so selfish.  Even when you get married do you think that it will be all about you?  No it will not be.  It will be about being a mother and being a wife.  Those things take unselfishness despite what you think.  I can speak so harshly about this because I know that being a single mother is hard.  I know what it is like. I have been there and am here now.  But, as a single mother do not be a victim.  Do not play a victim in front of your kids.  Be strong and the man that will find you will see you as strong, they will see you as a good strong single mother and want you even more.  If you are doing well on your own as a single mother, then imagine how they view you would be as a wife or to their future kids.  
Next I am going to address priorities with single mother.  There have been so many times that I have seen the children wearing all name brand clothing.  There is nothing wrong with name brand clothing.  But if you cannot pay your rent and bills then perhaps you need a readjustment.  At the end of the day name brand is not what matters.  What you instill in your kids matter.  I am not saying have your children looking like a hot mess walking around,  but why at three years old spend $100 on shoes that the child will only wear for a month and grow out of, and you to fall behind on your utilities bills is beyond my understanding.  I mean really get some insight and priority.  I once had client that missed weeks of school because their parent did not buy them back to school clothing.   And what is worst is that the parent had no problems with this.  It is okay for them to look good, but because you do not have Ralph Lauren for back to school it is not the end of the world, and keeping your children from school for this is ignorant on the part of the parent. 

Instead of seeing single motherhood as a burden, I now see it as preparation.  The better mother you are, the stronger you are, and believe it or the better you are prepared for marriage.  So you really have one up in this regard.  Having someone live in your household and being solely responsible for their wellbeing is preparation for marriage.  When kids are young they are selfish.  They want what they want and do not see a world beyond what they want, and cry when they can’t get it.  This is normal; it is part of being a kid.  
When my son was born he would wake up every few hours.  He didn’t care about how tired I was; the only thing he cared about was he was wet, hungry, cold, or whatever, and he wanted me to fix it. Therefore as their mother you give and give to their demands.  For me, I feed my son first, make sure he has what he needs first; I always put his needs before my own.  This is what a husband is like.  Not saying that you are a door mat because your husband should put your needs before his own.  Marriage is about giving and not taking.  So if you have a child and have raised the child, knowing that children are selfish by nature, if you can handle all of this successfully on your own, then imagine how you can bring this into a marriage. 

Monday, October 21, 2013

Dating Online

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 I have heard of people that have met their mate online, or though Facebook, MySpace or whatever.  So I will not down online dating.  But what I will do is tell you how dating online can be effective.  I have been on several sites where the only objective of the man was to get inside of my pants. 

If it is a paid site.  I think that you can have more success and people are more serious.  However, I can say that I have met dogs there too.  But I think that you will have more luck on the paid sites and know that they are more prepared for love. 

I think that the pros of online dating is as I have experienced them include the fact that you can scroll through the people that you want and do not want.  Although people lie, it takes some of the guess work out of things about them.  If you have a list of what type of man you want, you can quickly eliminate people based off of the answers to some of their questions. For example, if you want someone who has a college education, who is a Christian, who has a decent job, then you can rule out the profiles that say they are non-religious and unemployed.  If they are proud of themselves and what they do, then more than likely they are going to be open and list these things. 

I can recall one man that I meant online.  He wanted me to give him my number.  Upon viewing his profile I found that many things were blank, his education, employment, kids, I mean almost everything.  What is the big secret? So I kindly asked him what he did for a living.  He actively avoided my question several times.  I decided to ask him one more time and he told me I was either going to give him my number or I wasn’t.  I chose not to.  At the end of the day what is the big secret that you cannot tell me where you work, what you do, or what type of field you are in.  What are you a drug dealer?  This is not like I am asking you classified information.  So be wary of people that do not want to tell you anything about themselves.  They could either be married or losers, perhaps even a combination of both.  What is the point of creating an online profile if everything on it is blank?

Also be wary of people who do not have a picture.  A prime example of this is in the early chapters the man who was engaged and I saw his wedding on the internet.  He would only send a picture by email and he sent it under a false email (which should have been a sign).  If you are on a site looking for love, then a person should not want to be super secretive.  How are you going to expect anyone to want to talk to you if you do not have a picture?  Most, if not all dating sites you cannot search other members unless you are a member yourself.  So they cannot say they are afraid of who will see them.  The same person that is seeing them is a member themself.  If they do not want to put a picture up, I fear that are hiding something, mainly their wife or girlfriend who they don’t want to find out that they are on the site.

If you asked them to send you a picture and you do not like what you see, then what?  Is it this awkward moment where you are just not going to respond back.  I just feel like people who do not put a picture have something to hide.  In this day and age people put their picture on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, so what is the big deal about putting it on a dating site.  Also be wary of people who only put one picture.  They should have several.  If you have ever watched the show Catfish, then you know how people can pretend to be other people online. A quick way to ensure that they are the right person is to see multiple pictures of them in different settings.  To make sure that it is them.  

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Be Single, Be Happy

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Why does it seem like the word single seems like a death sentence?  Why do people feel that being in a relationship is the only way to be?  I asked you, instead of looking at being single as something that is non-desirable, why don’t you look at your singleness in a different  way.

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen people go into a relationships, knowing that it is not right and knowing that the person is not right, and stay in the relationships all for the sake of not wanting to be alone.   If you are never alone then how on Earth are you going to know what it is that you do want out of a relationship when you get in to one?

If I confuse you when I say this, then how about lets looking at it like this.  If you are always jumping from one person to the next. Never getting a chance to understand what it is like to be alone then how are you going to know what it is that you, yourself like.

The opportunity to be single is an opportunity to get to know yourself a little bit more.  It is a chance to be alone with your own thoughts so that you can say to yourself “this is what I am looking for” versus “this is what I am not.”  You see so many people jump from relationship to relationship that they never stop to think what is going wrong is the relationships that they are in, and they never learn how to fix it. As a result the person keeps making the same relationships mistakes with the same type of person, and then they wonder why there relationships always ends up in the same space (not working).

The reason why is because sometimes we just need to be alone.  We need to be single and we need to have a moment where we can just hear our own voices in what we need out of a relationship without another person in our ear, telling us what is best.

So I say to you, singleness is not a death sentence, so stop viewing it in this way.  It is an opportunity to take time out for yourself and to figure out what we want out of life and a partner.  It is the time in which we need to reflect and position ourselves for the right one.  During your singleness complete a goal or do the things in life that you always wanted to do.  Do not sit around in one spot, waiting for a significant other to complete your life.  Live for you and realize that that your soul purpose in life is not to be someone else’s wife.  Do not let a relationship define you, define yourself.  Do not let a relationship or lack of a relationship get you down and out.  A relationships is really only one minor aspect of your life, so do not the fact that you do not have one keep you from your mission. Do not let chasing after a relationships keep you from your mission. In the right time the right one will come.  While you wait, take this time to learn more about yourself and what you want.  It is only through knowing these things will you truly be able to have a satisfying relationship anyway.   The right one is out there, take rest in that.  But the only way that the right one will come is when are in a good space to receive it.  Do not look for someone else to complete you, complete yourself and the other person will add on to what you already have. 

Let Go Of Broken Relationships

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Often times when we are in bad relationships the first thing we want to scream out is "but I love him." Then when you look at the apects of the relationship there is really nothing pointing to love. He does not treat you good,he lies to you, and most of all he does not love you. So therefore the question remains is why do you love him and most importantly why are you chasing him.

I think what it boils down to is that we don't like to lose.   Because when you end a relationship that mean that they are not going to be with you. They may move on before you do, get married before you do, go be happy before you do. So as a result we hang on to something that is not love and try to mask it as that.

I am here to tell you to wake up. Weather its the fact that you do not want to loose him to another woman or you just don't want to be alone. When you end a relationship and you feel sad,  that is okay. But before you get too sad realize the relationship is over for a reason. It is not love because if it was then the person could not stand to let you go. So being sad over a relationship is fine, having a total break with reality is not okay. if it is over then it over for a reason. Don't go calling it love when in fact it is something else. And don't go beating yourself up about it either. At the end of the day rest assure what is meant to be will be. So don't cry over the relationship that didn't work it just wasn't meant to be that's all. So get over it and walk toward future relationships.

Friday, October 11, 2013

A Sprit of Fear Or a Mountain of Faith.

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By Sophia Reed

When you look at the idea of both faith and fear, they can seem so opposite end of the spectrum but often times go hand and hand.  I know for myself, God has been asking me to trust him more and more.  To some degree I could always see the other side. Because I could always see the other side, I would not be afraid to walk or go forward because I knew what lied ahead.  However, recently God has been pushing the other side farther and farther away that I am to the point that I cannot see the other side at all.  Therefore, I can see how easily it could be to just stay in the same spot and not move forward, because of not knowing what’s ahead.  However, it is through God’s grace and testing through the early times when I could see the other side, that He got me to trust him during these times when I can’t.

With that being said I ask you to figure out where you are.  Do you have a fear of falling or not being able to make it to the other side?  You could chose to stay in the same spot, never growing, or never even attempting to trust that God has something better in store for you.  Or I could step out on faith and trust that God will not leave or forsake you.

I think we all say that we trust God blindly, but you have to really reflect on that that means.  If you say that you trust God for your fiances then why are you going out everyday spending $100 on the lottery?  If you trust God for your future, then why are you consulting psychics or believing in astrology and horoscopes?  If you trust God, then why are you doing everything in your power to make sure that something comes true? Instead of trusting God for it. Is it because you are fearful that what God said won’t come true or do you think that you can get the task done better and faster than God?

I guess the point that I am trying to make here is that I want each person look at whether they are living for faith or living for fear?  Are you doing what God wants you to do so to prosper you?  Or are you trying to rush things for God and in the place of God because you feel that you can do it better and faster?  How can you say that you trust God, when you are trying to take things into your own hands?  Would that be faith or would that be fear?  This is because perhaps you fear that if you yourself do not do it, then it would not get done at all. And you can see how that is not trusting God.

Now let’s move to a different end of fear.  It is my belief and experience that God is calling many people every second of the day, but for some reason many are either to deaf or to fearful to accept that call.  This is something that I had to learn and am still learning.  If God told you to do something, then guess what, it is going to work!  Why would God put in large amounts of work on you and lead you down a long windy path with Him, only to see you fail or to lead you to a dead end road.  That is not God’s way.  Even if it may seem like you are failing, if you are doing what God told you to do, then then rest assure you are not failing, despite what it may seem to you.  You have to both trust and have faith in that.

I have both been there and done that.  Thinking that I was so far behind the race that I would never catch up, when in fact I was so far ahead, I was just starting to overlap people.  So it was not that there were people in front of me at the race and they were beating me, but rather I was going so fast I was starting to run overlap  them…Make sense?

If it doesn't, then I will end with this.  God did not give you a spirit for fear.  Whatever is in your heart, it is meant to be there.  If you pray and follow the direction that God gives you (not moving out on your own) you will succeed.  The problem is that people get fearful and clam up all together.  The point is to asked God for a direction, know the direction that He gives you, and follow that direction at the right time.  There is no need to have fear about it, just trust it, and have faith.