I have a friend, she is in a relationship/friendship with a man. The only thing that he does is asked her to do favors for him and ask her for money. And surprise surprise she gives it to him. When I asked her why she could not simply tell him that she was not going to give him money, she said because she was afraid he was not going to be her friend any more. Isn't that crazy?
I get we want to do for others, but why does doing for others mean that we can let others take advantage of us?
I was watching Love and Hiphop Hollywood. There were two women on there that had been both dating the same man who was a rapper. He was playing both of them and instead of the women getting mad at him they were getting mad at each other. At one point in the argument one women announced that she did not even use condoms with him. What!?
“In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, ‘We will eat our own food and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our disgrace!’" Isaiah 4:1
This Bible verse describes what is going on now. Women fighting over men allowing themselves to be used and abuse by him. Accepting the fact that they both can be with him.
For some reason it seems as if us women have forgotten that want we want matter. We do not have to stay in abuse relationships, friendships, or continuously be around toxic people so that we do no feel alone.
Some people confuse forgiveness as another way to say that you still have to deal with a person. If someone does you wrong time and time again, you can forgive them without inviting them into your friendship circle all the time, giving them an opportunity to do you wrong again. Sometimes we just have to say, “I forgive you but you need to go about your business and I will go about mine.”
Going back to Love and Hip Hop there was another women in which she was “dating: a rapper for 6 years and he still did not want to commit to her. He told her openly that he wanted to date other women. So my question to her would be, why is she still there? Why is she allowing this man to dog her out time and time again and on national TV no less?
Sometimes we just have to let go. And not because it will hurt us but because it will help us. Letting go of bad relationships will force you to move on, hang out with a new set of people, and just move forward in life. This is not done for the other person’s benefit, it is done for ours.
- So just to be clear its okay to:
- Not answer their phone calls
- Not to give them money
- Not allow them to cheat on you
- Not allow them to not commit to you
- Cut them out of your lives and not allow them to make you feel bad about it.
Sometimes God is just waiting for you to get out of that bad relationships, friendships, environments, workplace, living arrangements before he can move you forward. He is waiting for you to stop dealing with certain types of people and this is not for anyone else benefit but your own.
It is okay to be selfish. Even if it means being by yourself for a while so that you can get your head straight. It is okay to end a relationships or friendship because they are using you or treating you like crap. And you do not have to feel guilty or mourn about it. These things will make you better.