Monday, October 20, 2014

Through every Bad date is a Learning Experience. (#TheSW30) Day 11

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I wrote about this date one time before. ( Click here for that blog).  But I feel this date was so bad that it is worthy of an honorable mention for the blogging challenge.

Just to give you a brief background on what happened before the date includes I met him online on Black People Meet.  He was a lawyer, a Christian, attractive, and seem to be everything I thought I wanted  He lived in Maryland I live in Richmond and so we decided to meet in DC halfway.  We Skyped and had a fair amount of conversation before meeting. So I felt comfortable meeting him.

We decided to met at Pentagon Mall.  I arrived at the time that was agreed upon by both of us.  It should have been a sign that he was not on time and I had to wait for over an hour for him.  I decided to go into the mall and look around.  When he finally arrived he met me on one of the floors.  For some reason or another my date wanted to go to Forever 21 to shop for himself.  It was in this store that I realized that the date was going horrifically wrong.

My date went in the store about his own business.  He looked like he was in the store shopping for himself.  I had to run to catch up behind him because he was walking through the store like he was not even with me.  While in the store we got into a crazy argument about a hat he wanted me to get that I did not want.

Then I made the suggestions to go somewhere in the mall to eat.  This stemmed another argument.  He wanted to get coffee and I wanted to get food.  I made a joke that in the Starbucks in DC they did not like to put enough sugar in their coffee.

This did not go over well.  He accused me saying I was too lazy to put my own sugar in my coffee.  When we finally did decide to get something to eat in the food court we could not decide on a place to eat.   What we did decide on was to find separates places to get our food and we would sit together.  He made it clear that we were paying for our own separate meals.  As I noticed us going our separate ways I noticed him looking around.  I did not think much of it though.  That was not until I got my food, sat down, waited a few minutes, and saw that my date was gone.

It was so embarrassing.  I had never in my life been left on a a date before.  I did not even want to finish my food.  I mean the date was going bad, I agree but at least finish it out.

I really should have seen this coming.  There were so many signs before hand while we were talking that signaled to me that he and I were not looking for the same things.  I would have loved to let go and let God, but not without letting him know about himself via text.  I did this because he did not answer the phone.  After I finish laying him out in a respectful not tacky way, I said God bless you.

This practice is something I always try to do when ending on a bad note with people.  Not only do I say it, but I try to mean it.  Here is an excerpt from my book detailing the rest of my date

  ‘“After I said my peace, gave my traditional “God bless you,” the Lord gave me strength to continue. The next day, as I vacuumed, I half listened to Sid Roth’s It’s Supernatural.  I thought that I was never going to meet a good man, get married, and that even the men who proclaimed their Christian faith turned out to be sheep in wolves clothing.  As I finished with the vacuum cleaner, my attention refocused onto Sid Roth.  I did not listen to the  show the whole time it was on, but in the last few minutes of this episode my attention turn to the screen as I heard Sid Roth say:
  ‘There's a young person watching right now and Hollywood has convinced them that if they get married they will be happy. I guarantee if you're unhappy before you're married, you're going to be unhappy after your married. It's not changing scenery. It's getting rid of the influences in your life, in the invisible life, that you're not even conscious of.’

  No one on television has ever spoken to me, but I knew this word was for me.  Sid Roth was reaffirming God had not forgotten about me and that He saw my grief.  I admit my disappointment because I knew the message meant more waiting.  But Sid was right.  There was some junk I had left over from past relationships that would keep me moving forward.  He was also right at the fact that I glamorized marriage and did not understand its true meaning or purpose. God’s was pushing these men away from me because I was trying to force something with them that was never meant to be. God made sure that any man that was not the one, He would rip them from my life.   So much so that the relationships could never be repaired again. I am honored and graced that God is not going to allow me to end up with anyone. He has someone for me and he will come in time.  When you pray for God to bring you His best, the one He has for you, then God is going to take that to heart.  He will spend time forming you, and forming the one for you, into the individuals He wants you to be.”’

This was the worst date of my life but yet and still there was a reason for it.  The reason being that I was trying to force a relationship with a man that obviously was not thinking about me.  And the worse thing is there are always signs.  There were so many signs that I looked over because he was a lawyer and a Christian.  But glad to say that I recovered and it was through these types of dates that I learned to stop punishing myself and stop getting into these types of situations.

Like Sid Roth said, it was not until I learned to be a happy being single that I realized that I could be a happy un-single person.  Because it is not about my relationship status to define me but how I feel about myself.  I feel that when you do not feel great about yourself men sense it and they use it as an excuse to treat you like crap.  This is why in a way I was setting myself up, because I should have not even been on the date with him in the first place.

But I got over it and can now share my lovely experiences with all of you people.  Through every bad date is a learning experience.