Monday, November 10, 2014

I Don't Want To Get Married

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Right now.  Yes I know this is a mind blowing concept for some of you.  I am 30 and I do not want to get married right now.  I would love to say that I was always this happy single person, but there was a time in which I was desperate over getting married (see my book here).  But then something clicked in my brain.

Perhaps it was through counseling couples or perhaps it was seeing other people’s marriage fall apart.  But, I realized something.  Every relationship that I have been in has been hard work, so when I get married, I can almost guarantee it will be harder. work

To be completely honest with you, I do not have the effort to put into a marriage right now, nor do I want to put in the effort.  This is not for you to feel sorry for me thinking that I am bitter or something.  I am not.

But I have come to realize I like living alone.  I like my own space.  I like doing what I want to do and not having to report to anyone.  I like watching what I want to watch on television.  I like not arguing over relationship stuff. I like spending time with my son alone and I like coming home and chilling out without having to worrying about making a five course meal for my man.

I feel that at this point in my life a marriage would interrupt that.  So many women want to get married but do you know what it really takes to get married?  I am convinced that so many marriages fail, because they do not realize how much work it takes to be married.  How you cannot be selfish and always have to put the other person over yourself.  I have seen people get married without knowing  if they want to have children, without discussing what they want for their future, or without having any real thing in common.

And so after the nice big wedding is planned and money is spent, they realize that they have made a mistake and they are stuck with this person.  I do not want that to be me.  I do not have fear of marriage or anything, I have just come to the point that I have a high value for marriage that I do not want to settle with just anyone.  I do not want to spend my time arguing.  I feel like what I am saying is completely normal, but for so many women they think what I am saying is foreign.  For men too, even if they are no good men they somehow expect me to be falling over myself for them because of the fact that I am still single.

One of the men I was talking to, told me that I was never going to be married and that if I did I would only settle.  He then went on to tell me a man would not want to put up with me.  And you know what he may be right.  Men now of days, (not all), want you to be a fly on the wall why they cheat on you and do that they want.  When they meet a women that calls them out on that behavior, then all of a sudden we are crazy.  After all, we should be dying to get married.  And since we are dying to get married that means we should allow him to get away with anything.

With taking the desperation out the equation, we can go into any situation with a clear head.  If this man somehow felt that I was going to be falling all over myself over him, he had another thing coming.  Out of all the things that was wrong with him, he had the audacity to give me relationship advice.  Laughable in my book.  And what was even more laughable is he somehow thought this form of disrespect was supposed to draw me in and make him want him somehow.  Because the next few lines out of his mouth was an attempt to get me to come over his house.  What a backwards world does he lives in? I told him I would, and of course never showed up.

I am not sure why he thought disrespect would equal love on my part.  For some woman it does I guess.  But not for me, and the reason why is because I have learn the secret.  That I am okay.  I am happy even when I am by myself.  I cannot allow someone else’s mood, opinion of me, or weather I am in a relationship stop me from what I am doing and how I feel about myself.  I think I am too great to sell myself short because I do not have a man or because I am not married.  But had I not known that for myself, I would have let his little words about me effect my mood and determine who I am, and it doesn't.

So when I say that I do not want to get married, it is not because I am some scorned women that is never going to get into a relationship.  I do not want to get married because it is not time yet. I care about mys sanity more than I care about a ring on my finger.

Perhaps if I were to meet someone that I feel I could put the effort into, then I would change my mind, but as for now I am good.
I'm Good :-)