Monday, November 24, 2014

Letting Go Of Bad Relationships.

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I swear I do not know what goes on in the minds of human beings.  It seems as if the norm is to accept dysfunction as normalcy and normalcy as high expectation when it comes to relationships.  I cannot tell you how many times I have seen, heard, observed, or counseled women who seem to think that a loving relationship consists of a man hurting them.

First of all, I do not think that a woman under any circumstances should be chasing a man (read my blog here).  The Bible teaches us, He who FINDS a wife, FINDS a good thing.  Not she who puts up with nonsense and worries a man to death until he marries her, finds a good thing.

When I hear some women describe their relationships some of their complaints go a lot like this:

  • He cheats on me
  • He hurts me
  • He calls me dumb
  • He puts me down
  • He ignores me
  • He pays attention to other women more than me
  • He does not like my kids 
  • We argue all the time
  • He hangs up in my face
  • He tells me that he can do better

I mean the list can go on and on.  But then the next thing out of their mouth is something like this


And I often have this dumb founded look on my face.  What in the world is there to love about any of the above things that I just said.  So many people want to fall in love that they try to force love with anyone.  They are willing to ignore the signs that the person they are with is a jerk, and they just try to force love.  They even try to convince themselves that the above jacked up behaviors are some forms of love.

How many times have you heard women make excuses for jacked up men?  Saying that they never had a father, they have been hurt in the past, or they do not know how to express their emotions.  This is complete and utter crap.  Stop making excuses for why a man treats you like a doormat.  If he is a bad man, he is a bad man.  Point blank period.

In the Bible Boaz is a man (read my blog here).  If you observe what he does with Ruth, then one can see that he clearly loves her.  There is no mistaking that.  He is not trying to play off her insecurities and make her feel bad about herself.

I think the bigger issue here is that may people do not know what love is and therefore, they do not know what to look for.  So lets turn to one of the oldest books in the world and the God that created the idea of love.  And so it says

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

I am going to put this in lamest terms for those of us that do not understand.  A person that loves you is not going to say and do things to intentionally to hurt you.  They are not going to beat you, and try to break down your self esteem so that they have control over you.  If by chance they are wrong, they apologize with the intent to never hurt you again.

Therefore women who have those men who have cheated on them 4 and 5 times, this is not love.

Women who have men that tell them they are fat and ugly and remind them everyday that they can do better, this is not love.

For those of us who are in a relationships with a man that is not in a relationship with us.  They do not want to claim us in public and only know us behind closed doors in between the sheets of their bedroom, this is not love.

And if by chance you are confused about if you are in love or not, then you aren’t.  Someone who loves you, you will know it.  I do not know what is wrong with people.  Both women and men.  All you have to do is watch a reality show to see both men and women making a mockery of themselves trying to convince the world that their psychotic relationships are normal.  And it isn’t.

I have come to learn to open my eyes and not accept someone treating me any less than how I want to be treated.  And it means that people have called me stuck up.  It means that you may have some more time alone because many men are not willing to put forth the effort that it takes to be with you.  It may even mean that you need to cut some people that you have been back and forth with for the past few years off.  Even if it means you may spend some Saturday and Friday nights alone.

So what?

By doing this, you are weeding out the people who are not ready or incapable of being in a relationship and saving yourself for the one person that is.  Why would you want to stay in heartache with someone all for the sake of saying that you are in a relationship? It does not make sense.

If you rather be in any relationship over the right relationship, then you may have some work to do on yourself.  Because something is really wrong here.  You should not want to sacrifice your own happiness just so that you can have the right to put “ in a relationship" on your Facebook status.  If you even earn that right.  Some people are in relationships where they cannot even publicly profess their relationships on social media.

I hope some of your wheels are turning as I am saying this.  Is this person you?  Guess what it used to be me?  But then I woke up and decided not to stay stupid?  God told me that I deserve better and then I decided to agree with Him.

In short, stop paying attention to popular culture and all of your girlfriends being in these crazy relationships.  Do not let anyone make you feel bad for being single or not being married yet.  Many people try to make me feel bad, but I know something they don’t.  God has a plan for me.  He has a plan for me to be in a relationship with a man that I love and a man that loves me.  And since God has shown me that, I would not dare to settle for less.  I strongly suggest every single woman out there do the same.