Monday, November 9, 2015

Be Yourself Everyone is Taken

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I cannot tell you how many times I used to sit and wonder why things worked out for this person or compared myself to other people and what they were doing.  I would think to myself that this person did xy and z to “make it” so if I do xy and z then I will make it there too.

It was not until God spoke to me and let me know that there was an error in my thinking.  It is not that God does not have a purpose for me.  He has a purpose for all of us.  But not all of us can go around chasing the same purpose.  Because we are not the same person and we do not have the same set of gifts and abilities.

I can tell you so many bloggers that I admire (Heather Lindsey, Necole Bitchie, The Single Woman).  But no matter how much I love them and what they are doing with their life I am not them.  I do not have their life purpose, I have my life purpose.  If you read Heather Lindsey’s blog she talks about God told her to quit pursuing her Master’s degree.  God did not tell me that, not only did he tell me to get my Masters but also He told me to get my PhD.  Now is my path or her path for everyone, no of course not.

But the key is knowing God and knowing what God has planned for you.  And in case you are ever confused about what God wants you to do, remember that if God wants you to do something He will give you the grace to do it.  And if he does not want you to do something, He will close doors to prevent you from doing it.

There have been many nights where I was so tired and half sleep writing my paper.  But yet and still when I turned it in I would get A’s and B’s.  I am convinced that during those nights that God had to be guiding my hand because there has been so many times where I did not feel like doing anything.  But in the areas I lacked God picked up and this is how I knew that He wanted me to finish because He made it possible for me to finish.

Now there has been some other things where God has shut the door.  Before I got my Master’s degree I just knew I wanted to be a licensed marriage and family therapist.  That was MY plan, I was qualified, and I didn’t feel anything could stop ME.  Do you notice what the common theme is in these statements are? That these were MY plans but they were not God plans.  After I got my Master’s I went on to tried to get licensed.  I have the education, I have the experience, and it should be easy right?  WRONG? Every door that I tried to open to get a licensed closed dead in my face.
The result was me getting frustrated because my plan was to be licensed and doors slammed in my face and that was not a part of my plan.  But it was not a part of God’s plan and He let me know it.  I had to give up on that.  I had to pray and tell God if it was not meant for me to do it, then allow my mind to let it go.  And that is what happened.  When I allowed my mind to hear what God was telling me, He told me that I didn’t need to be licensed right now and that is not the plan that He had for me.  And once I let go of my plans a lot of frustration went out the window as well.

After my Master’s God told me to get a PhD.  And like I said you know that God wants you to do it when He gives you the grace to do it.  My PhD was not easy, by far.  But some way, somehow He led me, and now I am almost done.  And being almost done with my PhD makes me wonder what God has in store for me and I no longer think about that license.

I went a little off into left field but there is a point that I am trying to make and it is this.  Not everyone can be a single mother, get a masters, and then get a PhD.  For some reason God made it for me.  HE used the talents and whatever else I had that I did not know was there for me to accomplish these goals, because these things are within MY life purpose.  And I am sure that whatever your gifts are, are within your life’s purpose.

If you follow God, He knows what each and every one of our life purposes is and we will not be disappointed.  He knows us and He knows how to use our gifts.  If we keep chasing someone else life purpose then we will miss ours altogether.  You may can sang like no body’s business.  But you are not Beyoncé, because there is already a Beyoncé.  But you are you, and in time you may be better than Beyoncé or your gifts may be used in a better way than Beyoncé’s.  But trying to be like her, will keep you from being like you.

In closing embrace your own gifts and realize that God gave them to you for a reason.  There is no need to be jealous or insecure of what other people have or where they are because and you will spend the rest of your life chasing their dream.

Monday, October 12, 2015

Secretly Judging Others, And Then Being Convicted By God

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Sometimes pride can get in our way without us even knowing.  Sometimes we get so full ourselves and how we have changed that we unknowingly get on our high horse.  Just this past week I was at a gathering.  During the gathering there was a man and as soon as I spoke to him, I assumed something was wrong with him.  I assumed that he was “slow.”  He spoke slowly, with slurred speech, and it was hard to understand him.  But like the good “Christian” I am, I was polite to him and went out of my way to be nice to him.  It was not until a few hours went by and I was talking to him that I noticed he had a hearing aid in.  He was deaf……..

Immediately I felt convicted.  And you may think “why?”  I was nice to him, I was polite, and made an effort to include him in group conversation.  But all that really did not matter, because in my heart I judged him.  Because of the way he came off, I made him out to be “slow” and felt that it was my obligation to be nice because something was wrong with him.

You may be wondering what does this have to do with anything.  Well let me tell you.  It was pride.  It was me thinking that because I am such a “good person” that I could be nice to anyone without passing judgment, when really in my heart, I was passing judgment.  Throughout the rest of the gathering he engaged in conversation about politics and he was far from having an intellectual delay.
How many of us “Christians” get on our high horse and go out of our way to show people how nice we are, how Christian we are, or how accepting we are to all people?  But deep down inside we are judging them.

If we choose to be a Christian, choose to be nice to someone, or be Christ like to someone, we should choose to do it because it is what God calls us to do.  Not because it’s what we feel we should be doing as Christians.  In case you are wondering what the difference is.  One is acting a certain way because God wants you to act a certain way and because you want to glorify God you behave in a way He wants you to. And the other is acting a certain way to show the WORLD that you are acting “Christian.”  When really we are out to please God and not the world.
All the while I thought that I was pleasing God by being nice, when in fact I was displeasing Him by secretly judging someone and feeling it was my obligation to be nice to this “poor soul.”  I was wrong.   God sees and loves everyone the same and therefore as a true Christian I am obligated to see everyone the same way.  I should be nice to him because he is my brother in Christ.  Not because I feel sorry for him.

Sometimes we can get on a soap box thinking that we are doing the right thing, when in fact we are dead wrong.  And even though it may seem like we are doing the right thing on the outside, God convicts us to let us know that we are not as “high, mighty, and perfect as we think” and that we have a long way to go.

Through ever interaction and experience with others, we should seek to grow.  And when we start to feel bad about something we should try to understand why we feel bad.  More than likely it is because God is trying to convict us about something that we were doing wrong.  Even though in this situation it was not apparent on the outside, I knew and more importantly God knew that my mind was wrong.  There is no hiding the way you really are from God.  And because of it, I was ashamed.  In this situation, the best thing to do is be aware, ask for forgiveness, and go forward with a new mentality.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

5 Things I learned In My 20's VS My 30's

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Friday, September 18, 2015

5 Tips For The First Date

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Monday, September 7, 2015

Kanye West For President and Kim Kardashian as Our First Lady Don't Do It!

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Kanye as president and Kim K as the first lady would be the worst decision in American History.  Don't do it, and here is why.


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Sunday, August 30, 2015

My Top 3 Bad Online Dating Stories

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Story time.  Listen to my bad online dating experiences on three separate sites.  Match.com, Black people meet, and Plenty of fish. 






Thursday, August 20, 2015

5 Types of Men To Stay Away From

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Check out my latest video of five types of men that women should not date. 



Friday, August 14, 2015

People Are Made For Real Relationships Not Casual Encounters and Hook ups

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It seems as though people are starting to believe that humans are not made to mate for life and that we are meant to be with everyone at anyone and monogamy is somehow outdated.  This is insane to me.  Human beings were made in God’s image which means that we are not like animals.  We should not go around randomly having sex with a bunch of people and not connect on a deeper level.  This is not what we, as humans were made for.


Even if you do not understand the whole God dynamic, then understand that as women; scientifically we release hormones after sex that cause us to feel more attached to a person.  We were made to fall in love, and not jump from one person to the next with a whole slew of casual encounters.  It seems as if so many women and men are used to these “hook ups”  that even when they sleep with each other they do not know how to emotionally connect anymore.  They have learned to turn that part of themselves off.

Sex is supposed to be an extension of love or a deeper connection that you have with a person.  Yes its fun and it feels good. But it will feel a whole lot better if you actually love that person, want to grow with that person, and want a future with that person.  Not someone that after you are finish you have to leave or they leave and they do not even want to cuddle or touch you afterward.  And it is even worse if you are trying to convince yourself that this is how modern “relationships” work.

I have heard some women who do not want a relationship they only want sex and they somehow feel as though they are winning in these situations.  They tell me that when they are done they can just send the man about their own way, like they are the one getting the benefit or using him.  Umm no he is using you.  He is getting to have sex with you, have his satisfaction, and go home to girlfriend number 1-10 where he does the same thing with him and have the same type of “relationship” with them.

If you have a hard day and you want to talk to someone, you cannot even talk to him.  You cannot share things with him that you cannot share with anyone else.  You cannot experience the actual love part that goes on in the “love making” process.  I am sure the sex is like a porno.  No connection and just a bunch of pounding and roughness. But somehow, women seem to think that they are winning in this situation.  That this is good and that casual sex is something to strive for.

And men, they simply do not know any better.  One of my female friends went out with and slept with a man in which the sex was awful.  And she tried to talk to him about it and he said that he learned how to have sex from porn.  They soon broke up because of inability to be a boyfriend.  You see, this is where casual sex gets you.  In fact I dated a man a few years back before my celibacy days and he said that he had never been in love before.  He describe his sex as just a wham bam thank you man type situation and did not feel anything was wrong with it.  In fact, he thought that is what a women enjoyed.  And why shouldn’t he think that.  Women have more than likely slept with him and he practice his porn star sex techniques and they both went home thinking that this is something strive for.  Casual sex is the “thing” to do.  They tell themselves “Do not get attached, do not strive for relationships, pass yourself around, and be with everyone.”

And this is truly sad.  Not only is it sad, but this is why our marriage and relationships are falling part.  When people do try to get married, they get married off of sex.  When they have problems the do not know how to deal with them because they never had an emotional connection with one another, and it is too much work to deal with problems.  Or work things out with one another.  For many people, it is better to give up on a marriage and move on to another then it is to actually work through problems with one another.

At the end of the day, we all get old.  Beauty fades for all of us, I do not care how much plastic surgery you get.  And if people are basing their “relationships” off of beauty and sex alone, the they will never be fulfilled.  And human beings are not made like the animals around us, we are made to have emotional connections with one another.  To build some deeper and better that goes beyond animals in heat mating in the jungle.  We were made for monogamy, to love and be loved.  And when we except that, instead of accepting this “sleep with everyone and have a relationships with no one” mentality, that is when we will start seeing healthier and happier couples.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Why I Don't Have Sex?

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Check Out My Video On Why I Decided To Stop Having Sex 


How To Talk To God?

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It it surprising to me how many Christians are unaware that they can speak to God and that God actually speaks back.  And in case you are confused about what the Holy Spirit is, it is the spirit of God and it sole purpose is to be the line of communication between you and God. 

“When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place.  Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting.  They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them.  All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.”
Acts 2:1-5 


So the idea of the Holy Spirit is confusing to some people since on the day of Pentecost, people spoke in tongues and different languages.  But that is not just what the Holy Spirit is about.

“Do we all have the gift of healing? Do we all have the ability to speak in unknown languages? Do we all have the ability to interpret unknown languages? Of course not!” Corinthians 12:30


So here you see that Holy Spirit is not about speaking in tongues, or even healing.  The Holy Spirit gives different gifts in different ways.  It is about the direction that God gives us in order to go about our lives.  For this reason, I do not understand why so many people trust other people in what God has to say for their lives.  I mean can’t they hear God themselves?  Of course we can go to other people and get confirmation, however to trust solely on what other people tell us about our lives is not wise.  Because they may not understand what God is telling you, they may discourage you from what God is telling you, and that is the reason why God is telling you not them.

The thing about the Holy Spirit is that the Holy Spirit will speak to you in a way that is best for you.  I feel that this can include words or pictures.  In whatever way that God chooses to talk to you is the way that He chooses to talk to you, and you must be open to the way that God speaks you in order to hear God clearly.  And being able to recognize the fact that God talks you makes it easier to hear God talking to you.


I guess that I am getting at is that so many people ask how they can talk to God or how they can hear from God?  Well it is easy just simply open up your mind, your hear, and be receptive to what God has to say to you.  It may take some practice at first, to hear what God is saying or knowing that God is actually speaking to you, but once you do; you will know where God is leading you, what He is telling you to do, and then you cannot go wrong. Listening to God and knowing God’s voice will help prevent you going down the wrong path and doing a whole bunch of stupid stuff

I can recall so many times that I heard God not telling me to do something or get involved with someone, and me doing it anyway causing myself a harm because I should have listened to God.  I can recall that listening to God has kept me out of trouble.  Trouble that I did not even know what coming at the time was going to be trouble. Just because the idea of talking to God may sound crazy in this day and age where so many people are moving away from the traditional value of God, does not mean that we still cannot communicate with God.  And allowing someone to tell you that talking to God and Him talking back to you is crazy will only undermine your belief system.  What is Christianity if only about having a relationships with God?  What is the whole point of the Holy Spirit?  Do you think God is just sitting there hoping that we get things right?  Or do you think that He has sent his spirit down done to us so that if we listen to it we know that we will get things right.

To all those people saying that I am crazy for talking to God and believing that He talks, back, I can tell them I can name a whole bunch of crazy going on in the world today that will override  the notion that me hearing from God is crazy.

In closing if you want to hear from God you can, open your mind and even your mouth to do so, and it is as easy as that.  I can recall when I was talking to God, I was not even aware that I was talking to Him.  I would just have a conversation with myself in my head and a voice would speak back to me and tell me what to do, console me, or make me feel better.  This went on for years before I realized that it was God talking to me.  See no one had ever told me that we could talk to God in that way and He could talk back.  I had to figure it out on my own.

 Which is why I am saving you time and telling you.  So that is about all for this post people, I hope you understand what I am saying and practice in your daily communication with God.  Trust me it helps.

Monday, July 6, 2015

The Single Girl Tag, Why I am Still Single. And Why I Love Being Single.

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Family Times Can Be The Best Time. My 4th of July Weekend VLOG

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This past weekend was not only the fourth of July Weekend but it was also my son's 7th birthday.  I went to visit my cousin in Jacksonville, NC.  People who know me know that I do not like spending money.  Spending money is not needed for you, your child, or your family to have a good time.  Here is my VLOG on what I did for my son's birthday and for my 4th of July weekend.