Monday, November 9, 2015

Be Yourself Everyone is Taken

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I cannot tell you how many times I used to sit and wonder why things worked out for this person or compared myself to other people and what they were doing.  I would think to myself that this person did xy and z to “make it” so if I do xy and z then I will make it there too.

It was not until God spoke to me and let me know that there was an error in my thinking.  It is not that God does not have a purpose for me.  He has a purpose for all of us.  But not all of us can go around chasing the same purpose.  Because we are not the same person and we do not have the same set of gifts and abilities.

I can tell you so many bloggers that I admire (Heather Lindsey, Necole Bitchie, The Single Woman).  But no matter how much I love them and what they are doing with their life I am not them.  I do not have their life purpose, I have my life purpose.  If you read Heather Lindsey’s blog she talks about God told her to quit pursuing her Master’s degree.  God did not tell me that, not only did he tell me to get my Masters but also He told me to get my PhD.  Now is my path or her path for everyone, no of course not.

But the key is knowing God and knowing what God has planned for you.  And in case you are ever confused about what God wants you to do, remember that if God wants you to do something He will give you the grace to do it.  And if he does not want you to do something, He will close doors to prevent you from doing it.

There have been many nights where I was so tired and half sleep writing my paper.  But yet and still when I turned it in I would get A’s and B’s.  I am convinced that during those nights that God had to be guiding my hand because there has been so many times where I did not feel like doing anything.  But in the areas I lacked God picked up and this is how I knew that He wanted me to finish because He made it possible for me to finish.

Now there has been some other things where God has shut the door.  Before I got my Master’s degree I just knew I wanted to be a licensed marriage and family therapist.  That was MY plan, I was qualified, and I didn’t feel anything could stop ME.  Do you notice what the common theme is in these statements are? That these were MY plans but they were not God plans.  After I got my Master’s I went on to tried to get licensed.  I have the education, I have the experience, and it should be easy right?  WRONG? Every door that I tried to open to get a licensed closed dead in my face.
The result was me getting frustrated because my plan was to be licensed and doors slammed in my face and that was not a part of my plan.  But it was not a part of God’s plan and He let me know it.  I had to give up on that.  I had to pray and tell God if it was not meant for me to do it, then allow my mind to let it go.  And that is what happened.  When I allowed my mind to hear what God was telling me, He told me that I didn’t need to be licensed right now and that is not the plan that He had for me.  And once I let go of my plans a lot of frustration went out the window as well.

After my Master’s God told me to get a PhD.  And like I said you know that God wants you to do it when He gives you the grace to do it.  My PhD was not easy, by far.  But some way, somehow He led me, and now I am almost done.  And being almost done with my PhD makes me wonder what God has in store for me and I no longer think about that license.

I went a little off into left field but there is a point that I am trying to make and it is this.  Not everyone can be a single mother, get a masters, and then get a PhD.  For some reason God made it for me.  HE used the talents and whatever else I had that I did not know was there for me to accomplish these goals, because these things are within MY life purpose.  And I am sure that whatever your gifts are, are within your life’s purpose.

If you follow God, He knows what each and every one of our life purposes is and we will not be disappointed.  He knows us and He knows how to use our gifts.  If we keep chasing someone else life purpose then we will miss ours altogether.  You may can sang like no body’s business.  But you are not Beyoncé, because there is already a Beyoncé.  But you are you, and in time you may be better than Beyoncé or your gifts may be used in a better way than Beyoncé’s.  But trying to be like her, will keep you from being like you.

In closing embrace your own gifts and realize that God gave them to you for a reason.  There is no need to be jealous or insecure of what other people have or where they are because and you will spend the rest of your life chasing their dream.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

5 Ways To Get Over A Breakup

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Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Not Everyone Is Going To Be Happy For Your Success

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One thing that I have learned is not everyone is going to be happy for you and your success.  Sometimes not even your friends, family, coworkers, and certainly not your enemies.  This is a lesson that I had a hard time understanding.  I remember when I first started my Master’s program.  Most people told me to my face that I was going to fail.

They would tell me “You’re a single mom, you’re not going to have enough time.  It’s going to be too hard.”

When I asked my supervisor at the time to write my leader of recommendation, her boss (who was not a fan of me in the first place), told her not to.  She did not want to see my succeed.  She did not even like me.  But yet I was still surprised because she went out of her way to try to stop what God had ordained me to do.

When God tells you to do something, He will not only give you the grace but He is also give you the means to do it.  It did not matter that other people said I could not do it, God said I could.  Even when I began my Master’s program I knew I would go right into my PhD.  God told me to.  I can recall that I would share with my so called friends, co-workers, mentors, and people that I knew; thinking they would be happy for me.  But they weren’t.

I had to leave a lot of people in my rear view because they are not supportive.  I had to learn to stop telling people what I was doing because I got tired of the sabotage or words of discouragement.  I had to learn to do what God was telling me to do and often that may be doing these things in secret.  Using only myself and God as my source of encouragement.

Some people cannot stand you doing something that they are not or something that they cannot do. What they fail to understand is what God ordained for is for you and what is for them is for them.  What tears them apart is that you are sure of what you want to do and they are still chasing or trying to figure out what they want to do.  People wondered how I would have the energy and means to not only do my Master’s but my PhD as well.  The answer is simple,

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  Philippians 4:13

But a key to that is God is going to strengthen you to do the things that He called you to do.  By now many people who know me know that I am trying to build my brand I am entering the last stages of my PhD, and some even want to try to do the same thing.  They wonder why it is not working for them the way that it is working for me.

Well the answer is simple and it is something that I have had to learn.  Because it used to be the same way, I used to look at other people, trying to do what I wanted to do.  I would asked God.

“Why hasn’t it happened for me yet? They did XY and Z and I did XY and Z but out results are different.”

And I even used to get mad because other people were doing things that I wanted to do and it seem to be working out for them way faster than it was working out for me.

Until I realized that what is for them is for them, and what is for me is for me.  The way God wants to do things for them is the way He wants to do for them, and He is going to do what he wants to do for me in His own way.  A different way, using my unique sets of gifts and talents.  Just like He used their unique sets of gifts and talent.  Therefore, it is no reason for us to get jealous of other people and there is no reason to get mad at people who are not happy for you.  And most important, sometimes you cannot share things you are trying to do with everyone because they will not be happy for you or even make fun of you for it.  As for me, I keep a lot of what I want to do and what God told me to do to myself.  And when it starts to happen that is when I will make believers out of them.  Showing them that although they thought what God told me was impossible, it was never impossible to me and God.  And even then some people might try to come in your space just to get a part of your victory, even if they mocked you before.  And sometimes they will hate you and mock you even more.  This is why we must not only have thick skin, but also have faith, and know that no person can make up feel less about ourselves unless we allow it.  And if we continue to have faith in what God can do for us, His glory will manifest through us and we will look at all those “haters” in our rear view as we drive toward success.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Outfits of The Week Lookbook ( For Work) Curvy Women Edition #OOTW

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Monday, October 12, 2015

Secretly Judging Others, And Then Being Convicted By God

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Sometimes pride can get in our way without us even knowing.  Sometimes we get so full ourselves and how we have changed that we unknowingly get on our high horse.  Just this past week I was at a gathering.  During the gathering there was a man and as soon as I spoke to him, I assumed something was wrong with him.  I assumed that he was “slow.”  He spoke slowly, with slurred speech, and it was hard to understand him.  But like the good “Christian” I am, I was polite to him and went out of my way to be nice to him.  It was not until a few hours went by and I was talking to him that I noticed he had a hearing aid in.  He was deaf……..

Immediately I felt convicted.  And you may think “why?”  I was nice to him, I was polite, and made an effort to include him in group conversation.  But all that really did not matter, because in my heart I judged him.  Because of the way he came off, I made him out to be “slow” and felt that it was my obligation to be nice because something was wrong with him.

You may be wondering what does this have to do with anything.  Well let me tell you.  It was pride.  It was me thinking that because I am such a “good person” that I could be nice to anyone without passing judgment, when really in my heart, I was passing judgment.  Throughout the rest of the gathering he engaged in conversation about politics and he was far from having an intellectual delay.
How many of us “Christians” get on our high horse and go out of our way to show people how nice we are, how Christian we are, or how accepting we are to all people?  But deep down inside we are judging them.

If we choose to be a Christian, choose to be nice to someone, or be Christ like to someone, we should choose to do it because it is what God calls us to do.  Not because it’s what we feel we should be doing as Christians.  In case you are wondering what the difference is.  One is acting a certain way because God wants you to act a certain way and because you want to glorify God you behave in a way He wants you to. And the other is acting a certain way to show the WORLD that you are acting “Christian.”  When really we are out to please God and not the world.
All the while I thought that I was pleasing God by being nice, when in fact I was displeasing Him by secretly judging someone and feeling it was my obligation to be nice to this “poor soul.”  I was wrong.   God sees and loves everyone the same and therefore as a true Christian I am obligated to see everyone the same way.  I should be nice to him because he is my brother in Christ.  Not because I feel sorry for him.

Sometimes we can get on a soap box thinking that we are doing the right thing, when in fact we are dead wrong.  And even though it may seem like we are doing the right thing on the outside, God convicts us to let us know that we are not as “high, mighty, and perfect as we think” and that we have a long way to go.

Through ever interaction and experience with others, we should seek to grow.  And when we start to feel bad about something we should try to understand why we feel bad.  More than likely it is because God is trying to convict us about something that we were doing wrong.  Even though in this situation it was not apparent on the outside, I knew and more importantly God knew that my mind was wrong.  There is no hiding the way you really are from God.  And because of it, I was ashamed.  In this situation, the best thing to do is be aware, ask for forgiveness, and go forward with a new mentality.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

The World Is Wrong!

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For any Christian we should be vigilant what is going on in the world today.  Because if we are not then we are going to miss it?

  You may be wondering what I am talking about and if this is some crazy end of times rant.  Well not really, but let me explain.

God speaks to anyone who is willing to listen to what He has to say.  And He wants to speak to us about any and every situation if we allow Him to.  Sometimes I sit and look at the world around me and understand that what God says is wrong had become social acceptable, and no one sees anything wrong with this.

The Bible warns that when the end times come it will come in the way of peace.  Now a a days we want to accept everything, everyone, and everybody’s behavior and not call crazy, crazy or stupid stupid.

For example, slut shaming.  To be clear to do not feel that shaming anyone is good.  But let’s be real, to advertise the fact that you are a “slut” and that women should be proud of that is misguided.  And for some reason, because we do not want to make anyone feel bad by rejecting their lifestyles, we accept the fact that a woman may want to sleep with anyone without any type of commitment.  Despite the fact that it goes against our very human nature.  When men and women have sex with each other hormones are released that tell them to attached to one another in a more emotional way.  God did not make our genetic make up to freely sleep with one another without the ability to connect on a deeper level.  So while downgrade ourselves to common animals having sex with one another like they do and then we want to call it okay so that we do not offend any one.

I am prolife.  I do not judge anyone that has had an abortion because that is their business.  But I will not accept that we should just disregard a unborn person as a blob of tissue that has no right to be born.  When you think of how many babies are aborted each year, that were made to be people, it is sad.  But we desensitize ourselves because we do not want to offend or judge anyone.

I do not want to judge anyone but it is okay to realize that wrong is wrong and crazy is crazy.  And weather you believe it or not when you end this life there is going to be a God at the end of that tunnel and you are going to have to explain everything that you have done.

I have done some wrong things, but when I realized that I am going to have to answer to God one day.  I sought to change myself. What could I tell God to make him understand me having sex with men I was not married to or emotionally connected to?  What could you say to God after having 5 abortions that could make Him understand your perspective?  What can you say to God for lying on someone, causing them to loose their job, for bullying someone so much that they kill themselves? Or many of the many many sins we do on a daily basis.  Whatever your justification is, I would love to hear it.  Because nine times out of ten He is not going to understand, especially when He sent himself to Earth and was able to suffer a beating AND be sinless all for you.  What can you say to Him that is going to make him understand your selfish ways.

We as people are not perfect.  I am no where near perfect.  But at least I know that.  At least I am able to see my wrong and call them wrong and not try to convince the rest of the world that my wrong doing is the right thing to do.

Christians fear  they will come off as Bible thumbing psychos because they believe what the Bible says.  Because they do not want to conform to the craziness that is going on in the world today.  So as a result they convince themselves that God’s word is outdated.  But God knew you before you were born, He knows everything that has happened and that is going to happen.  Never try to put our human intellect and rationale on God, because we will never understand it.

Some of us believe so much in horoscopes, the moon alignment, and psychics...but we do believe what God has to say? What sense does that make?

You have to be vigilant.  You have to not be afraid to stand up for what is right, for what God says is right, and not fall into a world of crazy because pop culture is telling you that is what you should do.  At the end of the day, when you die; you are responsible for you.  You cannot blame your wronging doings on anyone else but yourself.  When sometimes all it takes is a little common sense to know right from wrong.  Or that old phrase what would Jesus do?  If you do not think Jesus would approve of you having an orgy with 5 different people or if you do not think Jesus would do that; then do not do it.  It is just that simple.

5 Things I learned In My 20's VS My 30's

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Friday, September 18, 2015

5 Tips For The First Date

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Monday, September 7, 2015

Kanye West For President and Kim Kardashian as Our First Lady Don't Do It!

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Kanye as president and Kim K as the first lady would be the worst decision in American History.  Don't do it, and here is why.

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Sunday, August 30, 2015

My Top 3 Bad Online Dating Stories

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Story time.  Listen to my bad online dating experiences on three separate sites., Black people meet, and Plenty of fish. 

Thursday, August 20, 2015

5 Types of Men To Stay Away From

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Check out my latest video of five types of men that women should not date.