Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Peaceful Protest Has The Ability to Change A Nation #UnitedBlackOut #Boycottblackfriday #Blackoutforchange

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Photo: We have the power to positively change our nation. @UnitedBlackout on #BlackoutBlackFriday RT this!As an African American, a mother of a son, and someone who has works within the community;  I am deeply disturbed by what has gone on in our justice system in regards to unarmed blacks getting killed.  I am glad that more light is being brought to the situation, however the idea of unarmed black people getting killed and their killers getting away with it is nothing new (Check out the true story and movie Fruitvale Station).

I cannot change the verdict.  We can only change our awareness and the way in which we go about what we see is going on within the nation in which we live.  It  is sad  to me that blacks have taken to their own communities to tear down and loot things.  This type of behavior is only feeding into the stereotype that black people simply do not know how to act, and that they need excessive force in order to be contained.

A movie came on earlier in which I was reminded of the power of black people who were able to peacefully protest and know how to invoke change the right way. Perhaps people loot because they have not been taught or do not know how to express their outrage.  Not understanding that their behavior is only hurting the cause and not helping it.  I watched the movie Rosa Parks and was reminded of one great woman.  A woman that was able to bring down a segregated bus system by a courageous act.

When Rosa Parks was arrested, blacks realized that they held a lot more power than they thought.  They realized that they were the main people who rode the bus and that if they simply refused to ride the bus, in peaceful protest, this could have a major impact in which they could not have otherwise.  And so, to show their dislike for an segregated bus system, they protested.  In protest, blacks decided not to take the bus.  They decided not to do it for 381 days.  This act of peaceful protest nearly caused the bus system to go out of business.  There were some blacks that chose to walk for almost 20 miles to get where they needed to go. They did what they had to do, to get the results that they wanted to get.  And guess what, it worked.  These blacks were able to get the supreme court to integrate the bus system.  To change something that seemed unchangeable, with just one act.

Imagine that, they did not have the influence of social media or the internet and they were still able to invoke change.  There is a request for people to join in peaceful protest to boycott black Friday.   If these blacks could walk 20 miles to get to work, I am sure you can not shop for just one day.  Back then, blacks found a reason to stick together, I wonder if we can still hold the same power to stick together now.

Who knows if a change will occur? Who knows if anything would happen?  But at least, you can be in your corner of the world, wherever you are, no matter what color you are, you can stand for something that you believe in.  It has been proven that the African American community are one of the most major spenders when it comes to the economy.

Can you go without your Jordan's? 

Can you live without the latest name brand outfit that is going to be 20% off on Friday? 

Can you refrain from shopping for one day, to show our nation that shooting down unarmed black people is not right?  

To bring awareness to a cause that has been going on for years?  

Can we still prove that as blacks we are citizens of this country and we will not be discounted?  

There is a request for all who want to protest for human rights to not shop on Black Friday.  Be the change you want to see in the world.

 #UnitedBlackOut #Boycottblackfriday #Blackoutforchange

Why Are You Hanging On To People God is Trying To Tear You Away From?

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As I was having a conversation with God today about my son’s father that I have wished for the past six years would get it together and be the father that my son deserves, God revealed something to me that I thought was profound and something that I wanted to share.  Just to give you a little background on this situation, he pops in and out of our lives.  There are times when things are going good between us and there are even more times when they are going bad.

I have learned that sometimes the reason why God puts us in certain situations is because He wants to show us who we can depend on versus who we cannot.  I have openly admitted that I do not trust people at all (see my blog here).  But the bigger picture is not being distrustful of people, but learning who to trust versus who not to trust.  As Christians we should always forgive, but forgiveness does not equal allowing them to come back into your personal space and it does not mean that you have to put yourself in a position to allow them to hurt you again and again (see my blog here on this).

Sometimes it is just best to let go and leave that person to live their dysfunctional life without you being included in it.  What God showed me, is that when things are good, he wants to be in my world.  But when I am depending on them to do something and he does not follow through, and that is really his true colors.

When we are put in situations in which we have to depend on someone and they let us down, it is important for us to always remember the person that they have shown us they really are.  This is important because when our situations changes and we do not need to depend on them anymore, we need to remember what they did, who they are, and that they were not there for us when we really needed it the most. We need to remember this so that we do not get suckered into going back.

Sometimes we are put in bad situations not to hurt us but so that we can see who is really for us and who is not.

Can anyone relate to what I am saying?

Have you been in a relationships or even a friendship for that matter in which they have let you down time and time again.  But you keep giving them a chance, hoping that things will change?

We have all heard the saying, “Why do you try to hold on to people that God is trying to tear away from your life?”

Therefore I ask you to pay attention to the people that God is trying to tear out of your life.  Do not be resentful that they left, but be glad.  Be glad that you see their true colors now.  And be glad that God is making the situation so bad between you that there is no way you will ever want to have them back in your life.

This especially rings true for me and my son’s father.  Not that I want him and I to be together.  But I did want him to be a better man and a better father to our son.  However, time and time again he has shown me that this is not possible.  Therefore I have a choice to make.  I can keep allowing him back into me and my son’s life, allowing him to be a bad example to my son, and show my son everything that a man should NOT be.  Or I can choose to completely raise my son on my own, like I have been doing, and know that one day when the time is right God will bring a man into me and my son’s life that my son would be proud to call his father.

I am not saying that single mothers should keep their children away from their fathers.  But in some cases, when the dad actively chooses not to be a father and having them in the child’s life will cause more harm than good, then you really have no choice.  And I learned that this is okay.

It is not about holding grudges.  A grudge is when you hate someone.  It is about not allowing to that person to make your life a living hell.  Just to give you an example of what I am talking about.  My son’s father is only ordered to pay $65 a month in child support ( I know right!).  This has been into place for the past 6 years.  He has yet to pay one red cent (which is a penny) in child support.  That is crazy right!

This month, my son has been in need of many things for his Christmas play and other things needed for school.  Even though $65 is not much, it will cover the additional things that he needs.  His father has promised that he will pay the child support for this month.  But it has not happened.  I contacted him telling him about the expenses that his son needs, and he does not even have the respect to call me back or pay the money.

Behind this story, God trying to tell me something.  God put these extra expenses on my plate so that I can see his true colors.  Although I will get everything done on my own like I always do.  God was trying to show me that this man was not a man that needs to be in me or my son’s life.  And in all honestly, he does not want to be.

I am sure, a few months down the line when I am in a better financial position, his father will try to pop up and pretend that everything is all good.  And from there, I have a decision to make.  I will choose to remember the time that he did not answer the phone, call us back, or follow up on what he was suppose to do.  I will remember the look on my son’s face wondering why in the world his father was letting him down yet again, for the thousandth time.  And I will tell his father to go kick rocks.  And I know for a fact that my son is starting to see the same thing.  Not because I am telling my son to hate his father, but because my son see’s my struggle to provide for him and his dad’s lack of effort to do anything.  My son’s sees a parent that is being a parent, and a parent that is anything but.

I do not have to verbalize this with my son, he sees it with his own eyes.  I do not condone parenting bashing or anything, but allowing a child to see the person for who they are.  In this situation, I have to let go.  God showed me that.  He asked me why am I trying to keep this person that will only wreak havoc in our lives. When I know for a fact that having him here will only cause me and my son pain.  As my son’s father so nicely put it when asked him for the $65.  We have been managing on our own this long, why do I need anything from him now?  And he is right.

Letting go can be applied to single mothers, relationships, and friendships.  Letting go does not have to include malice, but it includes doing what is best for you.  And what is best for you may mean that you have to bid that person farewell and pray that they get some sense knocked into their head eventually.  It may also mean that knowing if they do not get any sense knocked into them, that them living a life of complete and utter nonsense has nothing to do with you.

No matter how you have tried to help them, pray for them, or wanted things to work out with you and them.  You just have to let go and walk into a better future without them.  It may hurt, but you also have to realize that it is the best thing that you can do.  God has a great future planned for you and He can’t give it to you with dysfunctional people around you messing it up.  Think about it.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Letting Go Of Bad Relationships.

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I swear I do not know what goes on in the minds of human beings.  It seems as if the norm is to accept dysfunction as normalcy and normalcy as high expectation when it comes to relationships.  I cannot tell you how many times I have seen, heard, observed, or counseled women who seem to think that a loving relationship consists of a man hurting them.

First of all, I do not think that a woman under any circumstances should be chasing a man (read my blog here).  The Bible teaches us, He who FINDS a wife, FINDS a good thing.  Not she who puts up with nonsense and worries a man to death until he marries her, finds a good thing.

When I hear some women describe their relationships some of their complaints go a lot like this:

  • He cheats on me
  • He hurts me
  • He calls me dumb
  • He puts me down
  • He ignores me
  • He pays attention to other women more than me
  • He does not like my kids 
  • We argue all the time
  • He hangs up in my face
  • He tells me that he can do better

I mean the list can go on and on.  But then the next thing out of their mouth is something like this


And I often have this dumb founded look on my face.  What in the world is there to love about any of the above things that I just said.  So many people want to fall in love that they try to force love with anyone.  They are willing to ignore the signs that the person they are with is a jerk, and they just try to force love.  They even try to convince themselves that the above jacked up behaviors are some forms of love.

How many times have you heard women make excuses for jacked up men?  Saying that they never had a father, they have been hurt in the past, or they do not know how to express their emotions.  This is complete and utter crap.  Stop making excuses for why a man treats you like a doormat.  If he is a bad man, he is a bad man.  Point blank period.

In the Bible Boaz is a man (read my blog here).  If you observe what he does with Ruth, then one can see that he clearly loves her.  There is no mistaking that.  He is not trying to play off her insecurities and make her feel bad about herself.

I think the bigger issue here is that may people do not know what love is and therefore, they do not know what to look for.  So lets turn to one of the oldest books in the world and the God that created the idea of love.  And so it says

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

I am going to put this in lamest terms for those of us that do not understand.  A person that loves you is not going to say and do things to intentionally to hurt you.  They are not going to beat you, and try to break down your self esteem so that they have control over you.  If by chance they are wrong, they apologize with the intent to never hurt you again.

Therefore women who have those men who have cheated on them 4 and 5 times, this is not love.

Women who have men that tell them they are fat and ugly and remind them everyday that they can do better, this is not love.

For those of us who are in a relationships with a man that is not in a relationship with us.  They do not want to claim us in public and only know us behind closed doors in between the sheets of their bedroom, this is not love.

And if by chance you are confused about if you are in love or not, then you aren’t.  Someone who loves you, you will know it.  I do not know what is wrong with people.  Both women and men.  All you have to do is watch a reality show to see both men and women making a mockery of themselves trying to convince the world that their psychotic relationships are normal.  And it isn’t.

I have come to learn to open my eyes and not accept someone treating me any less than how I want to be treated.  And it means that people have called me stuck up.  It means that you may have some more time alone because many men are not willing to put forth the effort that it takes to be with you.  It may even mean that you need to cut some people that you have been back and forth with for the past few years off.  Even if it means you may spend some Saturday and Friday nights alone.

So what?

By doing this, you are weeding out the people who are not ready or incapable of being in a relationship and saving yourself for the one person that is.  Why would you want to stay in heartache with someone all for the sake of saying that you are in a relationship? It does not make sense.

If you rather be in any relationship over the right relationship, then you may have some work to do on yourself.  Because something is really wrong here.  You should not want to sacrifice your own happiness just so that you can have the right to put “ in a relationship" on your Facebook status.  If you even earn that right.  Some people are in relationships where they cannot even publicly profess their relationships on social media.

I hope some of your wheels are turning as I am saying this.  Is this person you?  Guess what it used to be me?  But then I woke up and decided not to stay stupid?  God told me that I deserve better and then I decided to agree with Him.

In short, stop paying attention to popular culture and all of your girlfriends being in these crazy relationships.  Do not let anyone make you feel bad for being single or not being married yet.  Many people try to make me feel bad, but I know something they don’t.  God has a plan for me.  He has a plan for me to be in a relationship with a man that I love and a man that loves me.  And since God has shown me that, I would not dare to settle for less.  I strongly suggest every single woman out there do the same.