Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Are You Being What You Ask For In A Mate?

  1 comment    

When looking at whether you are finding the best person for you, it is important to first evaluate yourself.  Often times women want a man that makes a lot of money, has a house, nice car, and one that would be able to provide for them financially.  And honestly, there is nothing wrong with this.  But as women, they should ask themselves what they bring to the table in order to get a person like this?  Do they have a car, job, house, car, and are emotionally stable…. are they living up to their true potential?  The same can be said for men.  Men tend to want the prettiest women, a women that takes care of herself, would be a good mother, wife, cook, clean, and everything else.  And to these men, I asked you, what do you bring to the table.  Are you willing to be the type of man that attracts these types of women, do you have a job, place of your own, transportation, and ways to provide and take care of a family, do take care of yourself? 
The reason why I say this is because both men and women want their ideal mate, and sometimes their ideal mate is out of their league.  We can all aspire to want to best person that life has to offer us, but if this is the type of person that we want, then we ourselves have to be the best person we can be.  Let’s face it.  As mean as it may sound, but a man that is making six figures, has his own home, house, property, and everything else…..his dream mate is not going to be a women that did not graduate from high school, has never been out of her hometown, and is ignorant of the things around her.  That is because with his life, there is a lifestyle, one in which he would like a woman to be a part of……and with that, the woman he chooses has to fit it.  She has to know how to take care of herself, take care of the home, speak well around his co-workers, and present herself in a positive light.  As for men, if you want your ideal mate, then the same applies.  No woman that has graduated from college has her own place, car, and independence, is going to want a man that lives with his mother and no hopes of a real job or career.  Let alone not be able to provide for her or a possible family, no women is going to want to wear herself thin for a man that does not even try.  Now don’t get me wrong there are exceptions to the above rules for both men and women.  But when you really evaluate the quality of these relationships. Often times, there are not all that great and if each person is willing to put in what they expect to get out, then the relationship could always be better.  

My point of bringing this all up is to say this.  Whatever type of mate you desire and aspire for.  You need to be the type of person that attracts that mate.  I am not saying change yourself, personality, or the things that make you….you.  I am saying have yourself together.  A prime example that I recently found, include a dating ad saying the following.  A female looking for a romantic relationship, possibly long term.  The section in which she wrote about herself included, that she did not do anything because she got “checks” every month.  Now let’s evaluate this situation, I am sure that someone more than likely responded to this ad.  Would it be her ideal mate, an ideal man that could be a provider or a good husband in the long run?  Probably not, it would more than likely be someone that is in the same situation that she is in, both taking out of the relationship and not putting in, both expecting and wanting more but not bettering themselves to get it.  When good men that will make good husbands see this in a woman, they see lazy, they see a woman that is unable to maintain her own life and take care of herself, let alone are able to have a quality romantic partner if added to the mix.  And what is worse, is that she feels that not trying and not finding ways to better herself is okay.  The best advice that I can give my clients regarding relationships includes this:  When you stand alone, you yourself should be sufficient.  You should be able to maintain yourself and be complete by yourself.  Whoever, you choose to come into the relationship with you, should add on to what you have, not complete it or bring to you to a higher level.  Therefore, I asked each and every one of you, that before you go looking for your mate; really evaluate what you yourself have to offer that person.  Each person should bring things into a relationship 50/50 that does not mean finances or material things.  But emotional stability, goals, knowing the direction of one’s life, each person should feel like they are getting something equal from the next person, and not as if they are being used as, a crutch.  With that being said, as people we can always improve, we can always be better people, or improve ourselves in some way shape or form, especially if that is what you are asking for in a mate.  That is the only way to improve our chancing of finding the person that we truly want, and not just settling, or expecting for someone to be something to us, which we cannot be to ourselves.

If you are single and you are still waiting for Mr. Right, then you must read my book "Waiting For A Man After God's Own Heart." Click on the book tab for purchasing information.  Read the first two chapters free at Amazon.