Tuesday, November 11, 2014

What Looks Like Crazy On An Ordinary Day.

  No comments    
categories: ,
I think that some people have their sanity meter and I think mine has just reached it tipping point.
You know the Bible verse that says:

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

Well I am starting to think that this does not apply to me.  I would like to put out a disclaimer and let you know that my tolerance level for stress is pretty good.  Me being overwhelmed is my baseline, but lately either God is putting me through some test that I am failing miserably or I am about to loose my mind.

Let me take you through my day.

Morning: My son is getting ready to go to school.  Or so I thought. I called out to him several times, and got no answer.  By the time I went into his room, I saw that he was no where near ready and had gotten back in his bed, AFTER I had waken him up.  This may not sound like a big deal, but for a single mother like myself who is on a tight schedule where the most minor things can throw you off, this was the first thing that set me off.

Midday: I will not even get into my workday, because it is always the same.  Me working my butt off never making enough money.  Overqualified and underpaid, and in this economy companies can get away with it, enough said.  Since it is at the beginning of the month I need to pay bills and I need to grocery shopping, but with my underpaid-ness, this only add to the frustration. But this is not even the what causes me stress, this aspect of my life is a constant that I have somehow learn to deal with.

Evening: I was ready to put my stressful day behind me until I got home and saw it getting worse.  I checked my email only to see that my professor gave me a zero on an assignment because I did it incorrectly and I am doing terrible in my other class.  Never have I gotten a F on an assignment.  I beg her to resubmit and begin to retype the work.  This one top of the work that I already have to do.  And I still have another class that I am doing horrible in.  And while I am typing my computer screen kept going in and out for whatever reason, only adding to me being agitated.

Oh yes, there is a silver lining.  My son, that I have to care for when I get home.  My little one that I love oh so much, but boy, was he pushing his luck today.  I decided to try to call his father so my son could talk to him, but he was out and about doing God knows what, and he told me he would call us back ( I am still waiting for that call by the way).  So oh well for that plan to have another adult around to assist me in parenting.

As I began to do my homework I asked my son to start his, as he does every night.  My son wondered around the living room aimlessly for a while, before I asked him what he was doing.  He told me he was looking for a pencil sharpener.  I find the sharpener for him and 30 minutes later my son is still wondering around looking lost in the sauce singing to himself.  When I ask him what he is doing he told me he was looking for a pencil.

This is where my sanity goes out the window.  Lord help this child PLEASE!  This may seem minor, but when your whole day is falling part just one little thing will cause you to snap.  I could not understand

A. Why my son had been looking for a pencil sharpener when he did not even have a pencil. What was he going to sharpen? 

B. Why he did he not know where his pencil was when he has homework every day. And everyday he comes home and pretends like he cannot find a pencil. 

My point is have you ever had one of those days, weeks, months, years?

Have you ever wondered what in the world God was doing and why in the world He was ignoring your anguish?  Have you ever been in a position where your entire world rested on your shoulders and whatever is going wrong in your household it was up to you to fix it.

There is no backup plan, no husband, no other person to help you parent, and you are about to see your brain go out the window never to be seen or heard from again.  I do not even know how I am typing this because my mental state is gone.

But, then I remember the verse:

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

I would love to say that I read this verse and felt like everything was all good. I have defiantly had more than I can bear for the past few years, and I do not think that I can take:

  1. Another thing going wrong. 
  2. Another person making me mad. 
  3. Another person asking me to do something that I have no time to do.  
  4. Another failed co-parenting effort with my son’s father. 

It is all so frustrating. So why does God do this?  Why does He put more on us then we think we can bare, even though He tell us that He is not going to?

Since we know that God is not a liar, then I know this Bible verse is true.  So the fact that I feel that I cannot take it anymore must be some lie from the devil or something, because I can.

The Bible teaches us:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”  Ephesians 6:12

Have you ever wondered what this means.  It means that every single day there is a battle in our mind.  The evils of this world are coming against it trying to make us mad, trying to make us angry, trying to make us mad at God, mad at ourselves, and trying to overwhelms us.

I have come to learn that the devil is so cunning, because he was here way before man kind.  He knows what makes us tick, he knows what makes us mad, and he knows how to make us feel like we have had enough.

When I revisit my day, yeah it appeared as if it sucked, but there were some good things too.  The devil has a way to make those good things seem so small and emphasize the bad things.  So let me count my blessings first:

Things went smoothly at work.  I work in the mental health field and no one tried to kill me, shoot me, or curse me out today.

Even though I am doing bad in my classes.  These are the last classes that I have to take.  I have been maintaining a 3.0 or above from all of my graduate career.  I have went from my Masters right into my PhD and I am literally getting tired.  Even though I have to do all the work all over, at least once this class is over I go into the dissertation phase, which is the end.  And that is a good thing.

If you did not know, I write for Putting On The New,  I received an email that the last post I wrote (seen here) was highly popular on the site, when it was first posted, and that is a good thing.

I received two calls for an interview for a job.  Even though one of them is over an hour a way, and I will not take it, that is still a good thing.

There were several bad things that went on today.  There are stressful things that go on everyday.  But I see it as the devil just trying to get in my way.  If he was not messing with me, then I must not be doing anything right.  The only reason why the devil comes at you is because he wants to render you helpless.  He wants to make you think that you are losing control.  He wants to make you think that he is in control.

I once heard the devil compared to a lion with no teeth or claws.  He may look scary, he may even roar, but he has no power to hurt you.  I think when you have those days where you seem like you are going to go absolutely crazy, realize that it is just an attack.  Understand that you are bigger than the one that is coming against you

Relax, look up, pray, be thankful. Be thankful to God, and start a new day.  If the devil is not after you, then you are not doing something right.  So bring it on.