Sunday, October 12, 2014

And then I Realized that Being Single was Awesome. (Day 3 #TheSW30)

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I cannot recall the exact time when I realized that being single was pretty freaking awesome.  I think it was a view point that came along gradually as I saw my friends relationships fall apart.  At the age of 30 I can say that I have been through and seen many of my close friends get married and even in some cases, divorced.

I can recall growing up and me and my friend talking about our one day weddings.  So many of my friends right after highschool or college set to walking down the aisle.  During that time I was envious of them and they were proud to get married.

But then they realized something, after they got married, what next?

What I mean by this is women go through life with a pre set agenda.  Graduate from high school, college, get a job, and get married.  And most often this is all done by the age of 25.  And then once it is done, they realize it is not as wonderful as they thought.

Some of the common complaints that I hear from my married friends include the following:

  • If I were the person I am today I would not have married my spouse.  
  • My spouse won’t let me go back to school to finish my education. 
  • My spouse has cheated on me 
  • I have cheated on my spouse 
  • I wish I did not get married so young, because I never had the chance to get to know myself and what I want out of life. 
  • My spouse makes me want to strangle them. 

It is so funny because as I was envious of my married friends, it turns out that many of my married friend are envious of me and long to be single again.

  • I am almost done with my PH.D. 
  • I love writing on my blog. 
  • I am at the point that I know myself and can therefore identify what I want from a future husband. 
  • I have the chance to pursue my dreams and goals freely without the old ball and chain. 

The complaints from my married friends about what they can’t do because they are married or what their spouse won’t let them do, are the same things I can go out and do freely.

I am glad I have learned that rushing to get married is not all that great.  As I listen to many of my friend’s married horror stories and look at their martial dysfunction the only thing I can say is “Thank God is was not me”.

I can recall a time when I felt 30 years old was just too old to get married.  But it really isn't.  I have my whole life ahead of me.  What is the rush of trying to get married at 21 -25 years old.  Most experts agree that brain development completes it self in the early 20s anyway.  This is why I am convinced that many people who get married young, by the age of 28 they feel different about their spouse.  Because what is important to a 20 year old still developing brain is not what is important to a 30 year old mature brain.

Therefore, even though I am not married yet, I am glad I have the opportunity to grow.  Grow as a person and in maturity.  I am not the same person I was even 6 years ago.  If I would have gotten married then, who knows what type of train-wreck I would have married. I was immature and the things that were important to me then are not the same things that are important to be now.

And besides with age and maturity I feel that I will be able to have the dream wedding that I want.  Many of my  young married friends either went to the courthouse or could not have the weeding they wanted.  As I get older and more stable in my career as I am sure my future husband will be as well.  I imagine that we will be able to get the wedding our my dreams and have a more stable life.

Just two weeks ago I was in class talking about my dissertation.  My professors talked about her relationship with her husband.  She got married when she was 32 years old.  She was in the final stages of her PHD and her husband was already established in  his career as some type of engineer.  She now lives in a 6,000 square foot home, has a BMW, and her husband a Porsche.

Money is not everything, but  this is where getting married when you are in a more secure place gets you. I think everyone who is anyone always dreams to have the best life they can have.

I am so thankful to God that I have established so much career wise (click here for the about me section) and I know for a fact that I would not have been able to accomplished these things if I was married already. I am thankful that I got the chance to focus on myself before rushing into a marriage.

Now as a more mature woman, I want husband that is just like me.  One who is Christian, established in his career, and one who knows who he is.  This is something that I have earned the right to demand from a spouse because this is what I am.

The Bible states

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”  2 Corinthians 6:14

(Click here for my blog on the dangers of having an unequally yoked partner) 

This verse speak more than being married to someones who beliefs are different from yours.  But also about someone who is not on your level. With maturity and accomplishment means that you have the opportunity to find someone more like you.

It took a few years for me to see how my married friends marriage has slowly taking a downward spiral into the oblivion of hopelessness. And it took them a few years to see that perhaps they should have waited.  But the tides have certainly turned.

Now every day and I am able to rub my wonderful single life in their face just like they rub their engagements, weddings, and marriages in mine.  And that is what makes being single so awesome everyday.