Thursday, October 16, 2014

Where I Envisioned Myself Being Versus Where God Has Brought Me (#TheSW30 Day 7)

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I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, I am actually farther.  As I have gotten older the goals and expectations I had of myself have changed.

If you were asking the 18 years old me, I would have said I would have seen myself married, I would have thought 30 was old.  But now that I am 30, I feel that it is perfectly okay that I am still single and see 30 as being young.

I did not see myself going back to school to go a master’s let alone a PhD.  But now that these things have happened I am happy that I chose to get education and experience at a young age .  When I was younger, I wanted to be a fashion designer.  But that did not happen.  I changed my major to Criminal Justice in undergrad.  I got a masters in marriage and family therapy, and I am getting a PhD in human behavior.

I was never the person who was really into going to school so it is a shocker that I would go to get so much education.  I will tell anyone that I felt like God told me to go back and get my masters.  And counseling is something that I was naturally good at. It was something that I didn't even know I was good at until I did it.

So where I am now career wise is no where near what I thought I would be, but I feel it was just a different direction.  A better one.

No I am not where I thought I would be relationships wise, but for me that is a good thing.  I got a chance to go after some career and educational goals.

I also came to realize that it is okay to be 30 plus and not have been married yet.  What matters most for me was that during my time I did things that made me a more constructive person as oppose to moping around about the things I did not have.  I learned to be happy with the things that I do, I did not want to be one of those women who put their life on hold because they did not have a man.  And because of that mindset, I felt I got more accomplished.

Being a single mother is not something that I envisioned for myself either.  My son was an unexpected surprise that made me want to do better.  When I became a mother I wanted to give my son everything of a two parent household with no excuses.  I am able by the grace of God to be able to send my son to private school and to own my own home.  Had I not had a child I do not think I would be as focused as I was to get more stability in my life.

I have also grown so much as a Christian.  Because of my religion my entire personality has changed for the better.  I am no longer afraid to tell others about God nor am I ashamed of my religion.  I have a personal relationship with God and have a better understanding of who God is.

I feel God knew the person I was meant to be, everything He has done for me, instilled in me, and has made me into the person He wants me to be.  Therefore I am not upset at the fact that I am not exactly who I pictured myself to be, God has made me better than what I had in mind.

I still have big dreams and aspirations for myself. I have a clear vision who I want my future self to be.  Since I am now older, I know that with hard-work I will reach my goals, dreams, and be the person I was meant to be.  The only difference now is I know that I work with God and allow Him to shape me into the person He wants me to be.  I know from experience that, the person God wants me to be is always better than what  I envisioned for myself.