I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, I am actually farther. As I have gotten older the goals and expectations I had of myself have changed.
If you were asking the 18 years old me, I would have said I would have seen myself married, I would have thought 30 was old. But now that I am 30, I feel that it is perfectly okay that I am still single and see 30 as being young.
I did not see myself going back to school to go a master’s let alone a PhD. But now that these things have happened I am happy that I chose to get education and experience at a young age . When I was younger, I wanted to be a fashion designer. But that did not happen. I changed my major to Criminal Justice in undergrad. I got a masters in marriage and family therapy, and I am getting a PhD in human behavior.
I was never the person who was really into going to school so it is a shocker that I would go to get so much education. I will tell anyone that I felt like God told me to go back and get my masters. And counseling is something that I was naturally good at. It was something that I didn't even know I was good at until I did it.
So where I am now career wise is no where near what I thought I would be, but I feel it was just a different direction. A better one.
No I am not where I thought I would be relationships wise, but for me that is a good thing. I got a chance to go after some career and educational goals.
I also came to realize that it is okay to be 30 plus and not have been married yet. What matters most for me was that during my time I did things that made me a more constructive person as oppose to moping around about the things I did not have. I learned to be happy with the things that I do, I did not want to be one of those women who put their life on hold because they did not have a man. And because of that mindset, I felt I got more accomplished.
Being a single mother is not something that I envisioned for myself either. My son was an unexpected surprise that made me want to do better. When I became a mother I wanted to give my son everything of a two parent household with no excuses. I am able by the grace of God to be able to send my son to private school and to own my own home. Had I not had a child I do not think I would be as focused as I was to get more stability in my life.
I have also grown so much as a Christian. Because of my religion my entire personality has changed for the better. I am no longer afraid to tell others about God nor am I ashamed of my religion. I have a personal relationship with God and have a better understanding of who God is.
I feel God knew the person I was meant to be, everything He has done for me, instilled in me, and has made me into the person He wants me to be. Therefore I am not upset at the fact that I am not exactly who I pictured myself to be, God has made me better than what I had in mind.
I still have big dreams and aspirations for myself. I have a clear vision who I want my future self to be. Since I am now older, I know that with hard-work I will reach my goals, dreams, and be the person I was meant to be. The only difference now is I know that I work with God and allow Him to shape me into the person He wants me to be. I know from experience that, the person God wants me to be is always better than what I envisioned for myself.