Saturday, October 25, 2014

Leave Those Past Relationships Behind You.

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Maybe it is the change in the weather and people want to cuddle up, but it seems as if past men that I have dated have been popping out of the wood works.  This may seem flattering to some people but not to me.  I could see if these men were men where the relationships were wonderful and somehow we just got disconnected.  But it is the opposite.  These relationships were terrible.  Full of hurt, fighting, pain, sadness, and all the rest of it.

One question remains on my mind, what gives them the right to think they can just pop back into my life and think that it is okay?

Granted, I am a very forgiving person.  But being forgiving is a far cry from putting myself in a position to be their fool over and over again.  Me being nice does not have to equal me being dumb.

Let’s give a run down of each man just so you can feel my pain.

Contestant number 1: He is a cheater.  When we were together he thought it was my duty to be his mother and take care of him.  He took advantage in any and every way possible.  Although he is nice, he is a far cry from any man that I would ever see myself with.  Despite his age, he is still living the life of a 19 year old.  This consist of partying, having sex with many women, and doing drugs. Contestant number 1 somehow feels that I should be falling all over myself in order to be with him, because he gives the appearance of a good man.

Contestant number 2: Is also a cheater.  He does not want to take personal responsibility for anything that he does.  He feels that the world and women owes him something. And hey, who could blame him, he has woman after woman falling on top of him despite the fact that he is disrespectful toward women, does not want to settle down in any real relationships, jumps from woman to woman, does not take care of any of his children and is completely and utterly self absorb.  This man feels like the world revolves around him.  If it is not about him then it does not matter. Despite him being close to 40, he wants to party all the time with college aged people and does not seem to realize not only is he close to middle age, BUT he is too old to be going about life the way that he goes about life.  And why should he, he has dysfunctional family and friends that support his wreck-less lifestyle.

Last but no least, there is..........

Contestant number  3: He is the oldest out of them all.  He too is a womanizer.  When we were together his idea of a date was going somewhere, not ordering any food, so that he could have an excuse not to pay for anything.  Despite this man making a fair amount of money, he is very cheap.  This man is middle aged, and like contestant number 2 cannot seem to grow up.  His life consists of partying, finding new women, and not understanding that he is way to old to do what he does.  Instead of finding a purpose or doing something meaningful he repeats the same pattern.  Find a women, have sex with her, dump hers, then repeat.

As these men contact me I am sure they are thinking to themselves, why I am not falling all over myself to be with them.  Despite the fact that they are complete and utter losers.  It would seem that they are so many losers in men these days, that even having a minimal amount of effort gives the appearance that your actually a good man.

Well not in my terms, I have been there, and most certainly done that.

To be fair all of these man are very attractive, I am visual and a good looking man can go very far in my book.  But, I have learn from all of these contestants, that perhaps it is time to go a little deeper than that.  And in the past, they may have been able to trick me once, but they are certainly not going to be able to trick me twice.

Sometimes it is just best to leave the past in the past.  The ship has sailed with all of these men....down the river, never to be seen or heard from again.

I think this problem is something that women continuously have.  It would seem that some women revisit men that are not good for them, thinking that magically something has changed.  I can say, with contestant #1 that briefly happened.  But it only took a matter of a week from reconnecting with him again to see that some things never changed.

It took for me to grow for me to understand that I deserve way better than what these men were offering me.  After all, I have the best father of all.  My father is a King, my father is GOD!.  So I am royalty in my book.  A princess, and therefore I deserve to be treated as such.  If they cannot see or understand that, then they are not it.  It took me having a long talk with my father (God) to finally understand that. But now that I do, there really is no going back.

Are you a women that have your own contestants and allowing men of the past to cause you stress and hard ache?  Well STOP! You have the power to control who is not in your life and who is.  There is nothing wrong with cutting people off to stop them from hurting you.  It is okay to be selfish (see my blog here).  You do not have to allow people to emotionally abuse you, just because you want to nice, or you do not want to be lonely, or because you are 30 plus and do not have a man.

I have come to learn that having no man is 100% better than having a man that hurts you, screams on you, disrespects you, does not consider your feelings, or cheats on you.   It better to be alone and heal then be in a relationship and cry everyday because the other person is not meeting your expectations.

As the old saying goes “ I can do bad all by myself” I do not need some other person that is doing bad to add to my already hectic life.  It makes no sense.  And the sad thing about all these contestants, is they have more than one woman falling over themselves to be with them.  And it really is pathetic and sad for them.  Perhaps some of you are women who are settling to be women number 2 through 100. I used to be one too.  But now I am way to old and way to tired to deal with nonsense.  When you get tired of dysfunction, that is when you will stop going into relationships with the same people who cause you pain.  Sometimes it really is better to leave the past behind you.