Saturday, October 11, 2014

Being Single Sucks, But then you Realize It Doesn't (Day 2 #TheSW30)

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As a fan of “The Single Woman” blog I am doing the 30 day blogging challenge (click here for more details).  Today’s topic was to describe a day when being single really sucked.  Since I am so content in my singleness now, it is really hard to think back when I really felt like being single was terrible.  I know those days were there, I can even recall praying and crying out to God about my singleness. But for some reason most of the painful days in which I thought being single was the worse thing in the world has now escaped my memory.

As I wrecked my brain I can recall a day when being single really sucked.  It is a day that most single people want to hide away for 24 hours so they do not have to face the massive amounts of candy, hearts, flowers, and valentines.  Yes, being single really sucks for Valentines day.

I can specifically recall the year before last where it just seemed like Valentines day was on crack.  Everyone's’s boyfriend or husband seem to go all out that year and every women around me was talking about how wonderful their after-work recreation was going to be.  The office that year was filled with balloons, flowers, and chocolate.  I wanted to shut my office door and stay in it for rest of the day.

Just as I felt bad, I had a friend at work in which she felt worse.  She was falling apart in public and I can recall vividly telling her to get a grip.  She had a “man” so to speak.  But it was not her man.  It was man that was still married and he was going back and forth with his wife.  She, was still trying to convince me that this married man was her soul mate and could not understand why he was not going to spend Valentines day with her.

Even though I hated being single I was not going to allow other people see my fall apart.  But it seems the very thing that you try to avoid comes and smacks you in the face.  That same day was the last day of one of my fellow coworkers. And so we went to a restaurant for lunch to bid her farewell.

This was like the luncheons of all luncheons to remind you that you were single on Valentine day.  The only single women at the table were myself and my friend Debbie downer that was concerned over a man that was really not her man, not spending Valentines day with her.

All the women at the table gushed over how awesome their Valentines day was going to be and what their husbands and boyfriends had planned for them.  To make matters worse, a man that was in attendance spoke about this grand evening he had planned for his girlfriend at the Crown Plaza.

Imagine being one of only two single people in the room, and the other single person was two snaps and  shake from having a mental breakdown.  As people told stories I smiled and tried to be happy for them when deep down inside I was wondering when it was my turn.

As I looked across the table from my, my single counter part looked as if tears was about to roll down her eyes any moment.

Even though being single sucked, I knew right then and there I had a decision to make.  My friend look noticeably pathetic.  I think this fed the fuel for people to talk about their romantic evenings even more.  You know how some women love to make other envious of what they have when they know you do not have it.

But like a light bulb, I think something really kind of went off in my head.  I knew all of these women.  I knew that all that glittered was not gold.

I knew that one woman at the table had been to martial counseling and her husband had problems because she worked too much.  I knew the another woman had a mean and rude attitude the other 364 days of the years and this was the only day in which she was minimally nice.  I knew that another woman really wanted to pursue her career dreams in life but couldn't because she had gotten married so young.

Then I thought, why should I be envious of these women, they should be envious of me?  I had my whole life ahead of me.  I was pursuing my dreams, goals, career goals, personal goals, and dating.  Even though I had a son, there was no ball and chain holding me back.

I had become a home owner and had advanced degrees.  And even though I was single, I surely had men trying to date and talk to me.  As a matter of fact as I left the luncheon, the same man that was talking about the Crown Plaza and his girlfriend took the first opportunity to stare a hole in my face and my butt as I walked away. I realized that I really love myself and my life.  My relationships status is only 1% that makes up me, and the other 99% was looking pretty good.

Even though that day was hard, a lot of it was a lot of hoopla about a whole bunch of nothing.  When Valentines day was over, they would go back to their regular relationships problems and normal personalities.  And there was some relief in that.

As me and my other single friend left the restaurant, thankful Valentines day was coming to an end for us.  I left looking forward to another day and possibly another Valentines day in which I would have a man or husband to shower me with gifts.  I was sure I had plenty of Valentine’s day’s ahead of me, one in which would not be a total nightmare. My friend on the other hand, left on the brink of committing suicide.

There are days that being single sucks, but then I think it comes do a point that you simply do not care.  The following year, I still did not have a boyfriend.  But I did have my son, and he was my Valentine and with him I celebrated accordingly.  The morale of this story is that we can all choose to be a happy single or a life sucks all the time until I am in a relationship single. But you can choose, and with that choice comes a new outlook on your relationships status.  Me, I choose to be happy weather I have a man or not, and it really does make a world of difference.