Saturday, October 18, 2014

Tackling Unhealthy Single Behavior ( #TheSW30 Day 9)

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If you have ready my blog, (Tackling Your Relationship Demons) then you know I spoke about aspects of my character that may not go over so well in a relationship.  There is something that I feel should be a new mental health diagnosis in the DSM V that I have thought of and suffer from.  And that is “ the only child syndrome.

As I got to know myself more there was something that I came to realize. I really do like my own space, my own private time, and I really prefer to live alone sometimes.  Sometimes when I have company over my house, even family, I count down the hours that they can leave.  It is not that I do not love them, but I just prefer to have time and space to myself.  I figure that this must be some thing that other only children suffer with.  We have had to learn to play with ourselves and entertain our self because there was not anyone else around to play with.

My hypothesis from observing my own behavior is that us only children have adapted to keeping ourselves happy and do not always want to be bothered with other peoples needs.

Or at least this is my problem.  There are times when I like to use my home as my sanctuary. I walk around looking any kind of way, dressed any kind of way, my hair looking any kind of way, and no make up.  I would fear if my future husband was to see my like that then he would run away never to be seen or heard from again. Sometimes I think, what am I going to do when I am married.  I cannot tell my husband to get out of my face and go away for a few days because I need some time on my own.

When you are able to point out single behaviors that can affect your relationships with other people, you will be able to manage them better when you get into relationships.

I am sure that when I met someone and get serious about them to the point that we are talking marriage, he will need to know that I do not need him to be in my face all of the time.  I Like my own space and freedom to think.  My future husband will need to know if I do not get that me time I will be a miserable mess that can make his life miserable.

With this knowledge of myself  I know that when dating the “clingy can’t live without you” type of man is not for me. No one is perfect and in each person is imperfections.  I do not want to change my imperfections in anyway.  In fact I have come to like the things about me that stand out.  But the key is for me not to change myself to be with someone but rather to find someone who likes or is able to deal with my shortcomings. That is the true meaning of unconditional love.

I think the biggest mistake we tell ourselves is that we can change for someone, then when we find ourselves in a marriage or relationship, we complain because we have changed so much for someone else and we are not even happy about the person that we have become.

Why go through all of that? Why not just learn, understand, and accept all the stuff that is wrong with you and realize that any person who wants to be in your life for the long run will have to learn to function through your stuff.  That is why it is so important for us to know other peoples; “stuff” before we get involved with them.  This way we can determine if their stuff is acceptable to us or if it is something that we do not want to deal with.

The same thing should go for your stuff.  That is not to say that you should never have to compromise.

I could spend a whole day watching movies laughing and making jokes to myself about what is on TV. When the time comes for me to share my space with a husband, I think there will be some comprise  needed.

Another person is living with me and sharing my space.  I would have to assume that I my not be able to have as much alone time that I was used to. And so I have to learn to give a little. And who knows, once I get used to sharing my space with someone, you never know, my alone time disease may get cured and I may not desire to spend to much time alone.  But one thing positive I can say, is that my single person behavior for the need to have my own space helps me cope with being single and not get to bent up and out of shape about it. .

I know many of us have seen those women who do not under any circumstances want to be alone.  They get into relationships with anyone no matter if the person is good for them or not.

So while I am single and alone I am free to have my home to myself, my closet to myself, spend time with myself, and I am happy doing it.  Finding out what behaviors you do while you are single, teaches you to cope with your singleness and the behaviors that are apart of you that your significant other may not be receptive to.  I feel, it is better to recognize  certain behaviors now so you can know how some of these behaviors may affect your relationship, this way you can deal with them effectively.