Friday, October 17, 2014

5 things that are Most important In a future mate (#TheSW30 Day 8)

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As I have gotten older and counseled married couples I have come to learn that most people do not look at marriage like a contract.  By a contract I mean that when you get married you are joined to that person forever.  Before you get married to them, you have to ask yourself, “are they good for me? Do we have things in common?”

You would be surprised at how many people miss this aspect about pairing with someone for life.  Of course you want to love that person but you also want to see how they fit into your life and purpose.

If you look at my blog here. You can see how God has put many people together in order to fulfill their purpose.  But I think you have to know what your purpose is in order to know what to look for in someone else.

Five things that I have learned to look for in a future mate include:

  • Must like kids and wants kids.  Obviously I have a kid so it is essential that they like kids and want more children.  
  • Must be a Christian.  My religion is such a huge part of who I am, and I want someone who has the same values and can raise our families as having the same values. 
  • Financial security and career stability.  This does not mean I have to date a millionaire.  But I want someone that is not at risk for being evicted and is responsible with their money.  I also want some one who is motivated career wise and know where they are going in life. 
  • They must be attractive.  I know this may sound vain, but I cannot get with someone  I am not physically attracted to.  To some people looks are not that important.  I am not one of those people.
  • Must be accepting of my son.  Since he would have to be around my son, I know I would want someone my son can look up to and treat my son as his own.  The last thing I would want is to be with a man that treats my son like an outsider.  

These are the things that are important to me.  I do not feel my expectations are too high I just feel that this is what is needed for me to have in a man I am going to marry.  It took me a long time to look beyond the physical and actually look at what type of person they are and if they would make a good husband.  I think having my son caused me to be more serious about the potential man I bring in his life.

So if I were to met a man who did not like kids and did not have a job, I know not to give him the time of day because he does not match the man I want.

I think every women should make a realistic expectation list of things they want in a husband. Every time you met a man look at your list and see if he meets what you want.  It will save you a lot of time wasting your time on men who will not be a good fit in the long run.  And make it easier to recognize the men who are better husband materiel.