As a single mother, a common misconception is that we must have a man or father in our children’s lives in order for them to feel complete. Although I do feel every child deserves a father, there are situations in life that just prevent that from happening.
I will use myself as an example. Growing up I never knew my father. I also did not play the victim because I did not know my father. I lived a very normal life, stayed out of trouble, and even went to college. One thing, I did not want, is the fact that I did not have a father to put me in a stereotypical box where I was looked at as being incomplete or defective in some way. As I am a single mother now, I try to encourage the same thing in my child.
Or a closer example that may be more close to home are mothers who go our every day of the week leaving their children with baby sitters or by themselves all for the sake of saying they are going out a man.
I am so tired of hearing women say “Well, mama needs to be happy too.” In theory this is right, mothers do deserve to be happy, but not at the expense of their children.
A tip to mothers, your kids did not ask to be here. You decided to have them, and therefore you are responsible for their lives. For myself as a single mother, I never want my son to feel like he is missing out on anything because he does not have a father in his life.
This is why I put him in extracurricular activities, he goes to private school, and I try to expose him to things. For my son’s last birthday he got a child set of golf clubs. Even though I am not the best at golf, I am going to take him to the driving range and and golf with him anyway.
Not because I think he is going to the next Tiger Woods, but because I must try to nourish all of his gifts so he can find out what he is good at and this in turn will help him build confidence. I tell my son all the time that he will go to college. I want my son to feel that he can do and achieve anything that he wants, even if he came from a single parent household.
As a single parent, my focus cannot be on finding a man, it has to be on my son first. Whenever I do date and in the future when I find a husband, there are a few things I will not compromise on. The first is that he must love, not like a lot, my child.
This may seem like a no brainier, but you would be shocked to find out how many women marry men who do not like their children or who do not want to be around their children, and it is sad to say the children suffer because of the parent’s selfishness and their inability to put their children first.
In closing, never feel like being a single mother is a burden. If you learn to spend time with your children, I am sure you will learn that they are not half bad. My son has become my main source of entertainment (mild joke). If you feel like your children are a burden they will pick up on it, and it will only cause them to suffer. As children go through life, they never forget certain things. This is why adults develop abandonment issues, low self, esteem, have an inability to cope with life. Because these things were never fostered through them as children.
As parent, single or not, it is your job to make sure you children grow up to the most productive adults they can be.
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An FYI To Single Mothers (book excerpt unedited version)
Train up a Child The Way That He Should Go.