My next ritualistic prayer consisted of asking God for world peace, end hunger, and to make everyone in the entire world happy. Amen. Although I am sure God gave me an A for effort, but lets get real, this is not a real type of prayer and it did not come from the heart.
As I went through life and hardship after hardship, I continued the “Please God bless me” prayers thinking that this is what God wanted. It was not until one day, that I felt the whole world was crumbling down around me that I decided to go off. My main target was God. I commence to telling Him what I thought about Him, how I felt He had disappointed me, how I felt that His way of doing things was wrong, and mines was right. Sometimes crying and carrying on for hours with my little frenzy.
When I finally was quiet long enough to get a reply from God, I heard a distinct answer. He told me “Now this is what I wanted.” I thought I had lost my mind. Why would God want me to yell at Him? Is He getting a kick out of my misery? What type of backwards mess is this?
But then another amazing thing happened, I felt better. Since then I have had several spats with God. And at the end of the day, I come to know and understand that this is what He likes and prefers. God already knows you. He already knows what is bothering you, even if you feel He is responsible for it. The only thing He wants you to do is own up to it and pour your heart out about it so He can help.
If you read the Psalms of David. All of his prayers was not all hunky doorey. There were times when he poured his heart out. When he felt like God had abandoned him in his suffering.
Pslams 44: 24 states “Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression?”
I have come to evolve in my prayer life. To have more of a personal relationship with God. I have come not just not recite what I think God wants to hear but to give Him what is in my heart weather it be good or bad. Hiding the ill feelings of your life is not going to impress God by making him think you are not feeling disappointed. He already knows you do. Prayer does not have to be filled with lines full of devotionals or other people prayers that you found on Youube. It needs to come from you.
When you are specific with God, this is when He will be specific with you. When you start telling Him what is going on with you, that’s when He can give you His perspective of what is going on with you. The more I am direct with God the more He is direct me, and I have come to know and see Him in a more personal light. And this is what it is all about.
God wants you, He wants to deal with you His way. He does not want 10 hours of quoting scriptures and hail Mary’s as a way of penance. He wants you to open up your mouth and confess what you did wrong specifically, so He can be the one to guide you how not to do it again.
As with any relationship, it cannot be built unless trust and honesty is there. So give God a favor, stop hiding things from Him and lying to yourself. It will make a world of difference and help you grow. Some people always wonder, why they cannot hear God talking back to them and other people can. Well, when you really start talking to God, that is when He will start talking back. Make sense?