Thursday, July 10, 2014

How To Handle A Break Up.

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Before I became to be the woman I am today, I used to get all bent up and out of shape about break ups or men that did not like me.  I used to beat myself up trying to figure out what was wrong with me, as to why the man did not like me.

Like so many women out there I would compete with another woman for a man’s attention.  I would wonder if I was pretty enough, skinny enough, or had the right or personality.  If they still did not respond I would wonder what it was about me that caused them to have such an indifference toward me.

Then I got over that.  I had been a women who dated men, some I liked some I did not.  Some liked me more than I liked them, and sometimes it was vice versa.  I could not blame men for not wanting to be with me, because there were times when I dated someone and I did not want to be with them either.

I had been the person being hurt as well as the person hurting.  This is just the nature of relationships and breaking up.  It is just going to happen.  There is not anything you can do about it.  If someone does not want to be with you, then they do not want to be with you and that is that.

The fact that after a break up if you go about chasing and trying to get that person back.  You are really devaluing yourself.  You are trying to force yourself in someone else’s life when they have made it quite clear they do not want you there.

So many people have given advice on how to handle a break up.  Some feel you should move on right away, some feel you should mourn and eat a bucket of ice cream, some feel you should relentlessly chase the person down and make them love you.

My advice to getting over a break up is very simple.  You just have to use your senses in the situation.  Realize that if someone is breaking up with you then essentially they are saying they do not want you to be in their lives.  If this is the case, why would you want someone who does not want you?  Why would you want someone that is saying you are not good enough to be with them?  Why are you beating yourself up and trying to make someone love you then they are telling you they don’t?  Don’t you feel you deserve better than that?

If someone is breaking up with you must get it in your head it is their lost.  If they do not want to be with you, then you do not want to be with them.  You have to set your sights on learning what you need to learn from that relationship, move forward and apply it to the next.  This means that you do not bring that baggage from past relationships to your next one.  This means that with every broken relationships you are closer to knowing and understanding there is someone out there that is going to want to be with you for you, and isn’t this what you want in the first place?

The longer you linger on a someone that does not want you, the more you are keeping the person that does want to be in your life away.  When you break up, of course it hurts, of course you want to mourn, but do get into a depressive state and beat yourself up over someone that has broken up with you, for months or even years at a time.  This will only prolonged the healing process.

So after a breakup do not let yourself go.  Make an effort to look nice and be happy.  If by chance you were to see your ex or one of their friends while you are out and about one day, you do not want to look all strung out like an addict.  You want to look your best, so you can show the person you broke up, that them not wanting you did not affect you.  There is nothing worse, then seeing a person you have broken up with, look like who did it and what for.  This is not going to make them regret being with you, it is just going to confirm in their mind that you are unstable.  You cannot even maintain yourself after a break up.

You are probably thinking, that this is easier said than done.  But you must get your mind right and accept what I am saying.  You will see that once you do, you will be able to handle a break up much easier and not feel like it is the end of the world.

Here are some of my recommended readings on how to deal with break-ups