Thursday, July 17, 2014

Being The Perfect Mom

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What makes a good mother.?  I think you would be surprised at how many people strive to be the perfect mother and frown upon other women who do not think and act the same way they do.  Many mama controversies consists the stay at home mother versus the working mother.  The home school mother versus the public school mother.  The public school mother versus the private school mother.

I, like so many mothers try to find every way that I can to be a “perfect” mother.  When I look at other mothers doing things that I can’t do or do not have time for I irrationally beat myself up thinking to myself “why can’t I be more like that?”

I have come to learn that there is no definition of a perfect mother.  Each women that is a mother can find perfection in their ways of parenting.  Parenting must fit the style of person that we are, and as long as we are doing the best things for our kids and doing it with out whole heart, then we are the perfect mother.

I have never been the type of mother who goes on play dates.  When my son’s school has evening events as the skating ring, CiCi Pizza, or Chucky Cheese I cannot say that we always go.  I do not volunteer in my son’s classroom.  When my son’s school send home 100 of papers talking about God knows what, I often time throw them away without even reading them.  I do not always iron my son’s clothes and opt for the winkle free setting in the dryer.  During the summer I do not have my son read endlessly every recommended summer reading book.

I play video games with my son, I rough house with him, and my son is a picky eater.  I often cater to his diet by giving him what he wants so I do not have to hear his mouth.  I tried to supplement his lack of diet with vitamins.

Do these things make me a less than perfect mother? For those mother who fix their children all organic food and make every play time into a learning experience, I am sure they are appalled by what they are reading.

Let’s talk about the things I do with my son.  I send him to a Christian private school, I talk to him about God and Jesus.  I teach him resiliency.  I encourage him to think on his own and be his own person, despite what others may think about him. I make my son pay attention in church. I prefer to spend time with my son as oppose to working myself to death and never seeing him.  My son has been in several extracurricular activities such as plays and sports.

Do these things make me a perfect mother?  What about the mothers who do not do these things, does this mean they are bad?

 What I am getting at, is that there are no perfect parenting techniques.  Your techniques depend on you as a parent.  Each parent is different and each child is different.  Your main responsibility as a parent is to raise them well, make sure they are a good person, and give them the tools they need to make it  successfully through life.

Despite whatever short coming other mothers may think I have, me and my son are very close.  He talks to me about anything.  My son was watching cheerleaders dance and he asked me why his penis stood straight up, and I gave him an honest answer.  This is the type of relationships with my son that I strive for.

Some parents may not want to speak to their children about these things.  The only opinion about your parenting that you have to care about is your own.  If you are satisfied with how you are as a parent, then nothing else matters.

I want my son to be a good God fearing man, this is what I instill in him.  I have seen some mother, where I think there parenting techniques just suck.  But hey who am I to judge.  If they want a Lifetime movie on their hands where a child beats them and talks back to them, then by all means that is their battle.

I have come to learn that it is not up to me to say who is a good parent versus who is not.  Unless they ask my opinion or is paying me to teach them parenting, then I keep my mouth shut.  I cannot worry about someone else’s parenting problems.  I cannot enforce my parenting standards on someone else if they feel like they are doing the best they can do.

Some people may have a problem with my parenting.  But as long as my son knows God, knows right from wrong, is respectful, and know that I have no problem spoiling the rod when he steps out of line.  Then I am good.

There are areas that I can improve on my parenting and I seek to contentiously do this.  But am I going to learn perfect parenting by reading 100 parenting books? No.  You learn parenting by going through it.  Sometimes you make mistakes and then you learn from them.  I have stop trying to to impose perfect parenting on myself, because it does not exist and I recommend everyone of you mothers out there do the same.

In case you didn’t know.  I am a single mother.  Some people may consider this imperfect parenting.  In any case read about my parenting and relationships struggled in my new book.  Get it now.

Epic Mommy Adventures
Cornerstone Confessions