Friday, June 21, 2013

Expectation, Expectations

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Okay so expectations are a big one for use women.  I used to be one of those women that did not have expectations.  My expectation first consisted of a person that was interested in me, then to one that was cute, but as you can see from some of the above stories this did not serve me well. Also I come to realize that I deserve better.  Now I am to the point that I do not even entertain those that I know are not right for me.  I think a large reason why I entertained those in the past for the simple fact I was bored, I wanted to attention, or I thought that perhaps they would grow on me and I would not want to turn down somebody that was the one, so I just kind of gave everyone a chance.   

I think even on some level, I may have felt like I needed men around me in order to validate myself. As women we have allowed men to get away with way too much, by sleeping with this one and that one and then us.  By sleeping with engaged, taken, or even married men. Enough is enough and you deserve better. I deserve better.  I have noticed that a trend of men in which they do not want to court women or even take them out on dates.  Some of the men I have dated even told me that they wanted a woman to take care of them…WHAT!!!  This goes against everything that manhood is.  And there are some women that are feeding into this nonsense. 

There are women that are paying on dates, paying for a man’s food, rent, bills, child support, allowing him to sit on his butt all day while they go to work.  I have been on dates, when the man does not want to buy food, where the man watches me eat while they eat nothing, for the sake of being cheap.  I mean some of this is really ridicules.  If you are dating a man like this, you need to stop and move on.  Do not pass go and do not collect $200.  That is crazy.  If God is willing to make the man the head of the household and want the wives to submit, how in the world can that be if the man cannot or are not willing to even provide financial for their family.  Or to even have a plan to take care of a family, and think that this is perfectly acceptable.  Since when did we allow men to stop being men, and allow them to stay in a boy state, and not grow up?  I cannot even blame the men really.  I blame women; it is because that we are willing to accept any and everything from a man in order to keep a man, or say that we have one.... therefore allowing them to slide by with nonsense.

 Women need to stop making excuses for them and allow them to be men.  Let’s take the example from above with the 42 year old man that live with his aunt and sister.  So eventually he asked me to tell me what was wrong with him, insisting that he was a nice guy, and in reality he was.  But my response was this.  I told him that I could not see myself entering a relationship with him because he did not have himself together.   He told me that he was living with his aunt and sister because she was sick and had no car because it broke down.  I did feel sad for a second but he was still not the one for me.  At the end of the day, we could not really date.  I would have to come to his house, pick him up, go on the date, take him home, and drive myself back home.  His lack of motivation of being a man was not going to work.  If he really planned on getting married, he would have to leave his aunt and his sister anyway….or at least I hope.  So if at this point and time he felt that he could not leave their home, then there would be not future for us.  I needed someone that was ready to be with me fully if we were to get married, and not have reasons as to why they could not move on to the next level.  So like I said, it would not have worked.   If you still think that I am being mean take a look at Ephesians 5:31 that says For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh and Genesis 2:24 that says That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.  This is both in the New and Old Testament, so make no mistake about what I am saying in regards to this.

With that being said his reasoning was an excuse to me.  He called me materialistic but its whatever, what did he want me to say.  If you want more and desire more for yourself and from your mate, do not allow then to throw that word at you.  Since when did working hard so that you can achieve goals in life and wanting the same from a man equal materialism?  Since when did wanting a 42 year old man to have a place of his own materialism?  I think of it as something natural that a grown man would want to do at that age.  But I could be wrong…(I am being sarcastic, I am not wrong).  

 Some women may say it is mean, but this is what I am talking about women, hold men accountable!  I am a single mother and have worked hard in school education wise and in other areas of my life!  It was not easy, and while I wait for the one that God has planned for me, it is still not easy, therefore expecting the same from a male is not unreasonable.  In addition, as a 42 year old man even if he did live with his aunt because she was sick, then what was his excuse about not having a car.  To me that spells lazy.  You have a job, your living with you aunt; have minimal bills to pay, and you still have no car.  What are you doing with your money?  This spells immaturity, that at 42 your life is not together, you have no career choice and you do not have your life together.  For me that is a problem, and for you it should be a problem.

I am not trying to rag on this man.  What I am trying to do is show you how this really looks from the outside looking in for women to chase after men that have no type of husband material.  If you are in a relationship with a man like this, let go.  If you are single, then going forward do not enter a relationship like this.   For me, a single mother who I bring into my life as a mate will eventually be around my son, he needs to be an example for my son and exemplify what a man is supposed to be.  And for him, I did not feel that he could do that.  I felt that having him in my life would only add burden and not happiness.  If you are a single mother or for any women, when you are looking at dating a man, really think to yourself do I want my son to grow up and be like this man or think when I have a son do I want him to grow up and be this man.  Another question is if you would want your daughter to marry a man like this, or if you had a daughter would you want her to marry a man like this.  If the answer is no, then stop dating him and/or stop bringing him around your kids.