Sunday, January 5, 2014

The only person that can make you feel bad about yourself is you.

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Anyone who knows me, knows that I am going to wear what I want and I do not care what anyone has to say about it.  However, I have noticed a recent changing of women who allow other people (namely man) dictate to them how to look, what they wear, and how they wear it.  So much so, that the women actually start to get paranoid and feel bad about them self, because of what a man says.  I have seen women be afraid to post picture because of the criticism they may get.  I have seen women afraid to pick out an outfit for being fearful or weather “he” may like or not.  I personally think that this is utterly and completely bonkers.  No one can make you feel inadequate about yourself, unless you allow it.

I want to tell you a secret women.  Sometimes men will intentional judge you, pick with you about what you are wearing, or mock your appearance, so they can try to get control of you.  The only reason why they criticize you, is because they want to see how you are going to react.  They want to see if you are going to take off those pants  they told you were ugly or if you are going to tell them to kick rocks.  The moment you start bending and transforming into what other people want you to be, is the moment you give control of yourself to someone else.

In regards to your overall wellbeing.  Self esteem is the center of it.  When a man looks at you, they can tell how low you feel about yourself and the men who prey off that type of woman will be drawn right to you.  I once watched a movie about a serial killer.  He openly admitted to picking women that had low self esteem, because it was easy to get over on them.  And he was a serial killer!  The moral of this story is do not let anyone tell you about your self, do not let anyone make you feel bad about yourself,   do not let anyone tell you what you can be or can’t be, and most of all do not let anyone make you feel ugly or sub par.  The only person that should be able to affect the way you feel about yourself is you.  If you are in a relationships were a man puts you down.  Get out, get out now!! That is not love, it is just his way of having control over you.  And last but not least, until you feel good about yourself, no one is is going to feel good about you.  You get what you put you out.

My book Waiting For A Man After God’s Own Heart is now on sale at Amazon in Both Paperback and E-book.  Get it now.

Friday, January 3, 2014

5 New Year Resolutions For Singles

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  Going into a New Year and you are single. It's not the worst thing that could happen. Instead of making resolutions you won't stick to, try these easy resolutions that can make your year as a single a whole lot better.  


 
1. Out with the Old and in with the New.  This does just a “ New Year” phrase, but can be a statement in regards to your relationships.  If a person is not is not in your present, then there is a reason for that.  Stop trying to figure out why they are not there, stop trying to bring the bad relationships karma with you into future relationships, and stop trying to figure out what you did wrong.  Because whatever the answer to those questions may be, it does not matter.  All that matters is the present and moving froward.  So if you are stuck on past people or relationships, do not let that drama come with you into the new year.  Let it go.

  2. Make a resolution that makes you better.  You can always make a resolution not to be single.  But look at the reasons that are keeping you from a relationship.  Look at making a resolutions that makes you a better and make you feel more confident.  This could be working out, taking classes, or taking better care of your health.  A better feeling you, means that your confidence level will soar through the roof, and people around you will notice.  And you never know, being a better you, may attract a better person.

  3. Get out, get up, and go somewhere.  If you are constantly visiting the same bars, clubs, and places.  And your still single.  Then guess what, it may be time for a change.  If the places that you were going to didn’t work out so well, why not step out of your comfort zone and try something or somewhere different.  One thing that borders on the side of being uncool, is when you walk in the bar and everyone knows your name.  They know what you are going to order, they know all about your personal business, and because you frequent there so much the bar tender gave you a Christmas card for the holidays.  Its a little lame.  Try a little change of scenery.

  4 Dress up.  Dressing up can be an underestimated thing.  I dare you to go outside with no make up on, sweats, and looking like the hot mess express and see how much attention you get.  Then I dare you to look your finest meaning make up, perfume, and putting some thought into your appearance.  It is not just about other people that will notice you because of your appearance.  But looking your best also makes you feel good about yourself.  And when you feel good about yourself.  Other people take notice as well.

  5. Don't Worry be Happy.  If you are going into the new year single.  Don’t fret and get all upset and depressed about it.  Enjoy your life anyway.  Weather you are having a dinner for one or two, just be joyful.  If you are a depressed single, then what makes you think that someone else is magically going to make you happy.  Other people do not make you happy.  You make yourself happy, and allow the other person to add on to your awesome package of happiness.  Often times, when people see you are happy on your own, they are more open to being in a relationships with you, because they assume that you are not going to be Debbie Downer the whole time.

So if you are going into the new year single.  Fret not.  It is not the end of the world.  Just enjoy your life, and your New Year resolution should be to make your life better than it was last year.  Weather you are with someone or not.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Top 5 Quotes My Book Waiting For A Man After God’s Own Heart Ch. 12-14

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1. Do you think it is easy for me, being a single mother, going to school full time (graduate school at that), or working on other things that God wants me to do (including this book)?  Do you think it was easy always listening to God even when I did not want to, humbling myself to those who hate me, curse me, and want to see me fail? Or being the type of person that God wants me to be; dying to my own wants to follow God’s wants for me? Do you think I am telling you these things, because life is easy for me? It is not easy, it is hard, but I do it because I know this is what God wants me to do.  I do it so I can share my story and motivate others.  I do it because I know that this is what I need to do so God can give me what He has in store for me.

2. If you have seen the show Who the Bleep Did I Marry?  It is your job to verify things people tell you.  It doesn’t take much effort to do this.  If a person says they are a doctor when you talk to them, ask them little things about their job.  Check out whether they know what they are talking about.  Get them to be specific.  Do not come across like prying or like you are interrogating. Come across as you are asking them about their life. Which is what you should be doing anyway.  If someone says they are a teacher and they do not know how to spell or type properly when they are messaging you, be suspicious.

3. I am not trying to sit here and pretend like everything is all good and easy because it is not.  Am I tired of waiting?  YES!!!! Do wonder why everyone else is being blessed with a husband and I am not? YES!!! But at the end of the day, I could sit on my behind all day and wait or I can do what God has told me to do and wait. Either way, I am going to wait. I mine as well be productive while I do it. You never know, perhaps God is just waiting for you to sow so many seeds before He brings you the right one.  So this is why you have to plant those seeds, get a plow (a big and heavy one that is hard to push) and begin sowing.

4. I can recall I made this mistake in talking to someone I knew did not meet the things that I wanted in man.  He even requested me on Facebook.  I was shocked to see every time he posted something it consisted of atheist and anti-God comments.  Upon viewing his page, he had just broken up with his girlfriend two days ago before joining the dating site.  Needless to say he needed to get off of my profile and friend list.

5.  Maybe you can call me crazy, but I prefer to be crazy then to waste my time on someone that blatantly lied about something that was so simple and not worth lying about. I guess once I said I had an interview at the school; he changed his story and told me that he was a program manager.  He told me that a program manager was the same thing as a principal trying to cover his tracks.  This once again was not true. I don’t like liars so I did not want to bother. I felt that Oliver lied to boost himself up in my eyes.  More than likely to draw me in, thinking I would think that he had money, fall for him, and sleep with him.  If he intended on having a long term relationship then why would he have lied about his job? If I was going to be his girlfriend, then I would have eventually found out anyway.  The only conclusion to draw is that when a man lies about something as simple as this, then he did not plan on having me around very long to find out what he really did.

Waiting For A Man After God's Own Heart Book on Sale

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Sophia Reed is a single mother and the author of this book.  Like many women Sophia found herself getting involved in one terrible relationship after the next in attempts to find a “good” man. From her son’s father being incarcerated to engaging in a relationship with a man, who ultimately caused her to loose her job and almost caused her to loose her brand new home. Sophia has seemingly been through and seen it all.  

Even through her chaos, the author still sought to do everything right in the eyes of God.  This includes getting a master’s degree, pursuing a Ph.d, and raising her son the best way she knows how.  Through the difficulties of relationships, the unexpected curve balls in life, and angry conversations with God; Sophia still stayed focused.  She learned to let go of the bad men and learn that being single is not the worst thing in the world.


In the pages of this book, you will laugh, cry, and have hope.  You will read her downfalls, shortcomings, receive encouragement, and see a personal transformation made possible by God. The title Waiting for a Man After God’s Own Heart was inspired by a phrase used in the Bible to describe King David.  David was imperfect, a polygamist, and an adulterer who made mistakes along the way. David was also known as one of the greatest men in the Bible for his unshakable faith.  The point is that even though we are not perfect, if we keep our eyes focused on God, He can redeem us.

In this book, the author encourages you never to give up hope that the right man is out there for you.  She encourages you to wait for a man after God’s Own Heart, or for one who has already captured it. 

Monday, December 30, 2013

Let Your Haters Be Your Motivators.

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And those people were the “haters.”  I think so often times we get caught up in our “haters” bringing us down, that we let people deter us from our dream.  When I refer to “haters”  I mean the people that were jealous of you, who talked down to you, and tried to stop you along the way of your journey.  For myself, whenever I encountered them it did not want to make me quit, but it only wanted to make me push harder.  I wanted to show them, that if I wanted to do something no matter what they did, what they said, or how they tried to stop me; they would not have any affect on me or what I was trying to do.  The best way that I know how to do that, was to work harder and succeed. 

As I was completing my book Waiting for a Man After God’s Own Heart.  I came to the acknowledgment section of my book.  

I thought to myself “who is it that I can thank the most that push me to finish my book,” which had been a long term goal for me.  After giving Thanks to God, it became very clear to be the various people that helped me want to finish my book and pursue my aspirations and dreams.  


I hate when I hear or see people give up for the simple that their “dream” was not handed to them on a silver platter.  So many of us, allow people to talk down to us and make us think that we cannot do something, after we had already made up in our minds we could. 

If someone tells you that you cannot do or be what you want.  That does not mean give up.  That means use their negative words as your strength, prove them wrong, and succeed anyway.  After all, if you give up on your dream then that would only mean that you were proving them right.  Therefore, I encourage you to look at having “haters” in a different way.  Having haters does not mean that you will not succeed, it does mean that you are not good enough, it only means that you are doing your job right.  

If other people did not feel intimidated by you or threatened by what you were doing, Then they would not care to say anything to you.  The fact that they want to hate and tear you down, only means you are doing you are doing something that causes for their attention.  When no one cares or is worried about what you are doing, then you should be worried. As an example is that the most influential people in the world today,  have people that talk about them daily.  

I have come to learn, that when you reach the level of success you desire, people are only going to come at you harder.  Therefore, to have haters on the minor level, only means that you are preparing to have them on a bigger level.  So do not let the haters be your discouragers.  Let them be your motivation to succeed.  Just to give you an idea of a note to my “haters.”  I will give you an excerpt from my acknowledgment in my book.  

 “Last, but certainly not least.  I would like to thank the haters, people who did me wrong, and those who never thought I would amount to anything.  It is through their negative energy and words that made me want to push harder and make liars out of them.  If God told me to do something, what makes anyone think they can stand in my way.  I thank those who did not believe, because it helped me show them that with the power of God, all things are possible.” 

 In  closing I say this.  Let your hater be your motivators, who cares what they think.  Keep going.  Its not like they like you anyway.  The biggest revenge that you have against them, is to prove them wrong. 




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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Look For Love Over Lust. Here is Why!

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Let me try to explain this concept in a more tangible way.  When a man meets a woman the first thing that is going to attract him to her is more than likely going to be her appearance.  And there is nothing wrong with this. But you have to look beyond that.  If a man is looking for a wife and is so attracted to her that he marries her off the strength of appearance alone.  It could be possible that he could make a grave mistake.  The reason being, because he never got to know her inside.  

I am going to chose to address something that I often see when doing couple’s counseling or just observing couples in general.  And that is choosing their boyfriend or girlfriend based solely on how they look but never getting to know what goes beyond that.  The reason this idea first came to me because I feel that media has turned the outside image to being more important than your inside image (better known as your personality).  Now do not get me wrong, I personally feel that you should try to look your best and you should be physically attracted to your partner.  But after looking your best, you need to have something to go along with that. 

I often here men complain about wives or girlfriends do not cook, or clean, or they are a bad mother, or have a bad mouth, or party all the time, do hard drugs, cheats, run off randomly in the middle of the night, I mean the list can go on and on.  But at the end of the day.  They chose that woman, and had they not been so concerned with her outward appearance, they may have found out that she would not be a good long term partner.  

As I was watching television the other day, I saw a couple and was amazed. They were married for several years and the wife wanted a child and the husband didn’t  The wife of course was heartbroken over the fact that she may never get a chance to be a mother.  I found that I was much bewildered by this story.  When they were dating had they not discussed the very basics of a the relationship such as having kids.  Or were they too busy having sex to have real conversation about what their future together would be. 

Love does not equal lust.  And if you do not know the difference, I encourage you to stop having sex with your partner for a while and find out if you actually love them and not just their body. Or what they do to you in the bedroom.  

In closing I feel a quote that best sums up what this article is trying to say is “ Charm Fools, and Beauty fades”. Proverbs 31:30

Meaning that whoever you are with will get old, they may gain weight, or may not look so pretty when they are pregnant, or sick in the hospital bed.  And when that happens, you still want to be able to look at them the same way and feel that you love them.  When a baby pops out you want to know without a shadow of a doubt that this person is going to be a good parent.  Not a parent that is going to leave a 6 months old baby crying in the crib all day alone, while they are out getting their nails done. 

So I dare you to look deeper than what is on the surface.  Do not just think “I will get with her because we will have pretty children.”  Think once we have those children is she going to be a good mother.  Think is she going to be the type of women that I would like my daughter to grow up to be or my son marry.  If the mother of your child is walking around with her nipples, breast, and imprints of her vaginal lips showing while in public.  Then you may want to rethink having her as the mother of your children.  A child will do what you do and not want you say.   Looks are important when first meeting someone, but the inside is more important when it comes to weather the relationship will last or not.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Children Do What You Do. Not What You Say

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This article is going to address a topic that is near and dear to me, and that is parenting.  As I watch some of these reality shows or parents out in world, is amazes me on how bad some of these parents are.  I do not mean to come across as being harsh, but it would probably be best if some people just did not have children.  I myself am a single mother and cannot say that I have done everything 100% right.  But what I can say is that I do try, and with trying come improvement.  

A specific topic that I would like to focus on in regards to parenting is the image that you send out to your children.  Children are like blank canvases, they learn from their parents and the world around them.  That’ts why it is important to always portray your best possible self in front of your child, because they are watching.  

I will turn this idea on myself.  My son is 5 years old and I have noticed that when he looks at television, commercial, or see women in person and he is starting to notice that they are pretty.  For those of you saying that 5 years old is too young, I will disagree and say it is not.  I am not allowing my son to have sex, but to have a attraction or to start to view the opposite sex as pretty is normal at this age.  In any case, I have noticed in particular the type of women that my son thinks is “pretty” those are his words.  And they are women that sort of imitate me.  Let me explain what I mean by this.  When my son saw Kerri Washington in Scandal, he was so infatuated with her.  However, I notice that when he sees her outside of that character it is not the same affect.  Let me explain why I think this is.  In that role she dresses very professional.  When I stepped out of the home I tend to dress very professions.  In that role, she speaks very articulately, my sons know when mommy speaks she articulates herself well.  The list can go on and on, but essentially what my son is attracted to are the things that he sees that his mom his. 

He is attracted to women who are well groomed, well dressed, and are beautiful.  This is because this is how my son sees me.  I will take this a step further and even say that when my son sees a women that he feels is attractive, he even goes so far as to say that he s going to marry her.  And even though he is 5 I am proud of that.  At my son’s Christian school, they have already talked about the idea of marriage and how it is seen in the Bible.  I am glad that he did not say “ I want kiss her” or “I want to touch her boobies.”  This may seem a bit overkill for you, but you will be surprised at how many children his age will say that.  I know this because i have observed children his age talking about boobies and squeezing boobies.  Once again, this is something that I am sure that they have picked up from some where.  


My points is simple.  You are the best role model to your child.  A child is going to do what they see you do.  If you tell your child not to do something and they see you do it, they are going to gravitate to what they observed not what you say.  You then have not leg to stand on, when you catch them doing it.  The first thing they are going to do, is throw it right back in your face.  Parents, (both fathers and mothers) be the type of person that you want your child to be.  Be the type of person that you want your child to grow up and marry.  And do not wait until their a teen, start from the very beginning.  As soon as a child is born, the absorb everything around them.  Each behavior that you do, leaves in imprint on their little brain. So leave positive impressions over negatives ones.  It will help your child grow into a healthy adult. 

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Top 4 Quotes from my upcoming book (Ch. 10-11, unedited version) Waiting for a Man After God's Own Heart

By Sophia Reed MSHS Coming Early 2014



1.  If you truly repent then you repent to God without the intent of doing it again.  So having sex, repenting, and then doing it again the following day or week is not true repentance.  Now if you truly repent and you truly accidentally mess up, then God understands that we make mistakes.  But this must truly be an accident and Gods know your heart. There is no fooling him and pretending that you accidentally had sex after you told God that you were not going to, and knowing that you should not have taken that man up on the offer to cuddle in his bed with no clothes on. Then when sex happens you see it as an accident because you only intended to cuddle.  I don’t think so. Let’s be real.  This is setting yourself up for failure. 

2. I have also learned that when you have sex before marriage, sometimes it actually makes a man drag his feet in marrying you.  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free right? When a man looks at you, he has to think why I should marry this person.  What is going to be different from marrying this person that I do not get now?  Well sex is one of the main things, and I am confident that when a man truly gets to know you outside of sex then it is easier for them to want to wife you up. 


3. The reason why I bring this is up is because there are so many women who abandon their children to be with men or even put men over their children.  Even looking at news stories some of these women are willing to kill their own children over a man or allow a man to abuse their children.  Something is really wrong with this picture.  First off, if a man allows you to continually put off your children to be with him, this is not real man.  A man that talks down to your children, talks bad about your children, does not like your children, or does not want to be around your children; is not the man for you.  

4. Another thing that I want to speak to single mothers about is not having you kids look like a hot mess.  There is no sense for you to wear all these name brand clothes and your 5 year old child running around in a pull up, with a snotty nose, and a shirt 3 sizes two small.  Please stop the madness! Take care of you children.  Like I mentioned above when a man sees you all dressed up and your kids looking like a hot mess they do not think “look at that hot woman and her little misfit let me approach her.”  They think how you are trifling and are selfish to have all new clothes and you children looking like little orphan Annie. 

Celebrity Relationship Spotlight Real Housewives of Atlanta



In this article I wanted to do a celebrity spotlight on two relationships that I find interesting and that contain problems that could happen in any relationship.  Both of the relationships stem from, the Real Housewives of Atlanta.  And although there are many problems on this show, the relationships that I would like to focus on is Todd and Kandi as well as Pheadra and Apollo.

Lets first start with Todd and Kandi.  So, this is where we clearly see a mother coming in between a relationship.  And although I do not know either of them I would like to say that Todd really seems like a good guy.  A specific episode that I would like to focus on is where Kandi had the conservation with Todd about her mother not “feeling “ him.  After which point, Todd was understandably upset.  First I would like to say this.  There are times when you do not take a man side over your mother's.  But this is NOT one of those times.  At this point and time Kandi made a commitment to Todd and they are engaged.  When you are engaged or married to a man, its time to cut the umbilical cord and get away from your mother.  In a marriage you cannot be in two households.  This goes for men and women. You cannot be in a household with your significant other and still be in other household with your parents.  In this case, allowing her mother to come between a relationship can  possibly cause her to miss out on a good man.

Someone is going to have to be willing to put there foot down, and I think Todd did a good job at that.  He told Kandi to call his mother and set up a meeting between the three.  The only option that was given was to use his phone or hers.  Here I see Todd fighting for Kandi and their relationship.  But because, Kandi does not want to put her foot down with her mother, she may loose out on a good man.  A man can love you, but he is not going to continue to be in a relationship with you if you allow other people to talk bad about him or are not willing to stick up for him.  And if the shoe was on the other foot, I am sure Kandi would expect the same thing.  I think the biggest lesson that we can learn here is that allowing other people in your relationships that does not belong there can and will cause huge problems.

Also, when you decide to get engaged or married, then understand that they are your primary family now.  And obligations first and foremost belong to that person.  Don’t believe me, that why the Bible says that “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife” Mark 10:7.  This is just one example there are several versus that say this throughout the Bible.  You can have one foot in your parents door and then one in your husbands, a choice needs to be made and it should be your spouse.

The second relationship is Apollo and Phedra.  Now, this is something that is amazing to me.  I personally think that Phedra is way to calm, and Apollo is delusional.  In case you do not know about them, lets recap.  Phedra is not getting along with a fellow house wife Kenya.  For some reason, her husband Apollo and Kenya has been texting one another.  And for some other reason, Apollo feels justified in this and does not feel as if he owes his wife an explanation.  This whole thing is wrong.  I don't care weather the text was harmless or what.  No other woman that you do not approve of as his wife should be texting your husband, period.  And to really put icing on the cake, your husband should never under any circumstance text her back, and you not know about it or  not be fully in the loop about what is going on.  I do not believe in creating unnecessary conflict in marriage, but I think here it is warranted.  I think this is prime time in which Phedra needs to put her foot down and up Apollo’s hineparts.  Sometimes it just takes you to get crazy on your husband one good time before he realized that you are not the one to be toyed with.  I love Phedra for being an intelligent and educated woman.  And i know she has a backbone.  Sometime as woman we need to flex, and let men know what we will and will not tolerate.  And we should commit to showing them this by almost any means necessary.  I just want to tell Phaedra that she is letting Kenya come entirely too close.  I don't care if Apollo’s number needed to be change or I I needed to have regular access to his phone when and where I see fit.  It would not happen, or all hell would break loose on both of them.  And sometimes men just need to be reminded of that. That you are his wife, your are his flesh, and your opinion does matter.

Two of these relationships may seem distinctively different, but they are not.  They are both cases in which they are letting other people come into their relationships that do not need to be there.  Therefore causing much conflict, confusion, and other types of non sense that could have been avoided.  Therefore, the morale of this story is do not let any and everyone on your relationship. And never sit by and let someone else destroy your relationships.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

5 Reasons Good Reasons Why You Should Get Married

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Although being single can be good. Marriage can be just as great, especially to the right person.  I hold the belief that people should get married.  Provided that they are mentally ready to do so.  However, society would have you thinking different.  They tell you that singleness is the way to go.  So here are five reason why you should get married.

1.       Regular Sex.  Yes, I starting with this one.  Although as a single person you can have sex with as many people as you want.  But you are also putting yourself at risk.  With as many STD’s and everything else going around.  It would behoove you to want to be with one person.  A person that you love and is STD free.  Having sex with everyone, is not the art of making love.  Being with everyone you miss out on what true intimacy is.  Being married, you have regular sex, with a person you love, that is clean.  Being single means trying to go out and find sex, sometimes having dry spells, and putting yourself at risk for STD’s.  There are some diseases that even condoms cannot protect you from.

2.       Financial Stability.  It does not take a rocket scientist to realize that two incomes are better than one.  And with two incomes you can have more.  A bigger house, a nicer car, go on vacations more.  Being married is not all about money.  But it sure does help with the paying of all the bills and knowing that someone has your back financially if need be. Also it is said that men who are married make more money.  This could be that they know they have responsibilities and a family to provide for at home.  Therefore, it sometimes being married can make you want to reach your maximum financial and career potential.
 
3.       Social Support.  Being married means that you know and make a dedication to this person.  We all have bad days and there are times that we just want to come home and tall about or just be held.  Or sometime we just want to come home to a hot plate of food and not want to cook.  Being single does not afford you that.  Sleeping with a lot of people may afford you that, but you will not be getting deep quality connection that you could be getting when you are married.  That is because you are spreading yourself between two many people and it cannot fully give yourself fully to one person.  Even if you just have one person that you are with, they can always just get up and walk away if need be.  A marriage says that they are committed to you, emotionally, socially, and every which way else.  It says that that person just can’t get up and walk about when things get hard.

4.       Build a Legacy.  You do not need to be married to have a child.  But there are so many benefits to the child by growing up in a two parent married household.  They are able to have the same last name and not have split visitation.  Not to mention growing up in two parent household means higher self esteem and the more likely hood that they would do the same and get into healthy relationships themselves. So you are really setting a good example for your children when you get married.


5.       Because God said to.  Do not get it wrong. Some people should not be married.  But the Bible says that it is not good for man to be alone.  Therefore creating woman.  The Bible, it describes marriage as the way Christ loved the church.  When you think about that, what a powerful type of love.  And when don’t and blessed properly by God, I believe that it can bear good fruit.  So get married, stop thinking the single life is so great.  There is a whole side of marriage that is being missed by some.  Causing them to forgo it.  However, when done properly, it can be most beneficial.  So look at the benefits and view marriage and different way.