My Top 3 Bad Online Dating Stories

Story time.  Listen to my bad online dating experiences on three separate sites.  Match.com, Black people meet, and Plenty of fish. 

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5 Types of Men To Stay Away From

Check out my latest video of five types of men that women should not date. 

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People Are Made For Real Relationships Not Casual Encounters and Hook ups

It seems as though people are starting to believe that humans are not made to mate for life and that we are meant to be with everyone at anyone and monogamy is somehow outdated.  This is insane to me.  Human beings were made in God’s image which means that we are not like animals.  We should not go around randomly having sex with a bunch of people and not connect on a deeper level.  This is not what we, as humans were made for.


Even if you do not understand the whole God dynamic, then understand that as women; scientifically we release hormones after sex that cause us to feel more attached to a person.  We were made to fall in love, and not jump from one person to the next with a whole slew of casual encounters.  It seems as if so many women and men are used to these “hook ups”  that even when they sleep with each other they do not know how to emotionally connect anymore.  They have learned to turn that part of themselves off.

Sex is supposed to be an extension of love or a deeper connection that you have with a person.  Yes its fun and it feels good. But it will feel a whole lot better if you actually love that person, want to grow with that person, and want a future with that person.  Not someone that after you are finish you have to leave or they leave and they do not even want to cuddle or touch you afterward.  And it is even worse if you are trying to convince yourself that this is how modern “relationships” work.

I have heard some women who do not want a relationship they only want sex and they somehow feel as though they are winning in these situations.  They tell me that when they are done they can just send the man about their own way, like they are the one getting the benefit or using him.  Umm no he is using you.  He is getting to have sex with you, have his satisfaction, and go home to girlfriend number 1-10 where he does the same thing with him and have the same type of “relationship” with them.

If you have a hard day and you want to talk to someone, you cannot even talk to him.  You cannot share things with him that you cannot share with anyone else.  You cannot experience the actual love part that goes on in the “love making” process.  I am sure the sex is like a porno.  No connection and just a bunch of pounding and roughness. But somehow, women seem to think that they are winning in this situation.  That this is good and that casual sex is something to strive for.

And men, they simply do not know any better.  One of my female friends went out with and slept with a man in which the sex was awful.  And she tried to talk to him about it and he said that he learned how to have sex from porn.  They soon broke up because of inability to be a boyfriend.  You see, this is where casual sex gets you.  In fact I dated a man a few years back before my celibacy days and he said that he had never been in love before.  He describe his sex as just a wham bam thank you man type situation and did not feel anything was wrong with it.  In fact, he thought that is what a women enjoyed.  And why shouldn’t he think that.  Women have more than likely slept with him and he practice his porn star sex techniques and they both went home thinking that this is something strive for.  Casual sex is the “thing” to do.  They tell themselves “Do not get attached, do not strive for relationships, pass yourself around, and be with everyone.”

And this is truly sad.  Not only is it sad, but this is why our marriage and relationships are falling part.  When people do try to get married, they get married off of sex.  When they have problems the do not know how to deal with them because they never had an emotional connection with one another, and it is too much work to deal with problems.  Or work things out with one another.  For many people, it is better to give up on a marriage and move on to another then it is to actually work through problems with one another.

At the end of the day, we all get old.  Beauty fades for all of us, I do not care how much plastic surgery you get.  And if people are basing their “relationships” off of beauty and sex alone, the they will never be fulfilled.  And human beings are not made like the animals around us, we are made to have emotional connections with one another.  To build some deeper and better that goes beyond animals in heat mating in the jungle.  We were made for monogamy, to love and be loved.  And when we except that, instead of accepting this “sleep with everyone and have a relationships with no one” mentality, that is when we will start seeing healthier and happier couples.

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Why I Don't Have Sex?

Check Out My Video On Why I Decided To Stop Having Sex 

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The Single Girl Tag, Why I am Still Single. And Why I Love Being Single.

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I Must Be The Poster Child For Bad Dates #Storytime Another Bad Date Story

Sometimes I think that I am the poster child for bad dates.  But the I think the bigger issue is not the bad date but rather the changes of men and how they are willing to treat women.  In case you are wondering what in the world I am talking about.  Let me explain my most recent bad date to you.

This past weekend I had to go to a school conference.  There I saw a man that I met at a previous school conference and I will be honest at the fact that I was not really feeling him then and I did not see any reason to change my opinion.  However, I tend to be very picky and he appeared to be a nice man so when I met him this time he offered to take me to dinner later in the evening, I agreed.

Now just to give you a word of advice ladies, if a man offers to take you to dinner wait for him to call.  That is his job.  A list of things that you do not do are:

• Call him all day to make sure that he did not forget about you.  
• Offer to go dutch. 
• Offer to drive. 
• Meet him after work or class in a designated spot at an exact time. 

It is okay to set up a time that you want to meet for the date.  Like in this case I knew he wanted to meet after class.  But after class I went right up to my hotel room.  If he called then great, if not then whatever.  I was not going to go to his class and wait outside his door for him to come out so that we could go to dinner.  Because what if he changed his mind then you would be looking dumb waiting for him.  I feel that you can weigh a man’s seriousness about you when he follows through on the things he said he is going to do.  And it just so happened that this man did that.  After class I got a text asking me was I ready to go to dinner and I agreed.

From there I met him in the lobby where we proceeded to go on our date.  He opened the door and was very sweet at first.  This is a disclaimer:

Women that even if a man appears to be nice, things can change because they may have an anterior motive on their mind as you will soon see in this case.


After we had dinner everything was all good.  We had  normal conversation and even talked about church.  He seemed like a good man, that is until after dinner he tried to convince me to come back to his room so that we could drink wine together.  To be honest this was not a terrible request that he asked me to come to his room because men typically will try their luck.  What was terrible that even after I said I was not going to his room, he still decided to go to his hotel anyway and coheres me out of the car to go to his room to drink wine.  I already knew I was not getting out of the car.  I knew I was not going to his room to drink wine, for what?

There are several things wrong with this picture:

• I did not know him. 
•  That drink could have been drugged. 
•  He was more than likely trying to get me drunk to have sex with him. 
•  He was being way too pushy by disregarding my statement and trying to make me go to his hotel after I told him no. 

There are always red flags with people if you really pay attention.  Now some women might have said,

“He has a very good paying job, he took me on a pretty good date, he showed interest in me, and so I mine as well go to his room on the first date.”

WRONG! Just because a man is a good man on paper does not mean that he has all rights to your body and your vagina.  I do not care how much money he has or what he drives.

After him seeing that I was not getting out of the car to go to his room, he then decided that HE wanted to go to a club.  We settled on going to a club/bar.  I personally do not think that a club is good to go to on a first date.  How can you get to know one another over the music while bumping and grinding against one another.  Needless to say, we went to the lounge, I took a picture (as seen here) and then he suggested that we take some pictures together that I will not show you.  The place was nice, we decided to sit and have some drinks.  We only had two drinks but then the real him came out.  This is when I had to fight against a sexual predictor (mild joke).

From this point on he tried to kiss me several times even though I turned my head to show him that I was not trying to kiss him.  He tried to get me to sit on his lap, which as you can see from the picture I had on a dress.  I was not going to sit on his lap in the middle of a lounge and have my butt hanging out.  And he snuck feels on my butt and other parts of my body several times, which pissed me off even more.  What gave him the right to touch me without my permission?

Needless to say it was 12am and I was ready to go.  We did have to go to class in the morning.  He did not want to leave.  As a matter of fact he wanted to dance.  I love dancing by the way, I was just not going to dance with him.  He already showed me he had some boundary issues.  And so I stood there telling him I was ready to go which he ignored and simply got behind me and began grinding his pelvis against my butt as I stood there.

So lets recap.

Me saying that I did not want to dance was not enough, me standing there and not moving was not enough.  He chose to actually push up against my backside and he was dancing all his own because I was just standing there irritated.  This happened perhaps about 5 times as I tried to make my way to the door.

Then as we went back to the car, he opened the door and decided to feel me up and down at this point, literally, HE SLID HIS HAND FROM MY THIGH TO MY BUTT,  as I was getting in the car.  And I guess he wanted to try his luck again because at this point he invited me to go back to his hotel, take a bath, and spend the night. Which of course I said. NO.

 Please tell me I am not the only women in the world that thinks that this man is crazy!

After getting back to my hotel, which I would have been happy if he dropped me off in the front of the hotel and went on his way.  But he had to walk me into the hotel were he tried to kiss me again, which I refused.  He then followed me in the elevator, I think to molest me again.  But he never got the chance because a third person got into the elevator with us.  THANK GOD.  And that was the end of our date.  Over the weekend he proceeded to want to take me out again, but to me that was a no thanks.  I do not like feeling violated when dating someone.

The real issue here is why did he feel that this behavior was acceptable.  I think a bigger picture is that he must have tried this behavior on a date before and it worked out for him.  That is the only reason why he would try it again, and think it was okay.  My message to women, is to not accept this type of behavior.  This man made six figures, drove a range rover, had two homes, and was getting a PhD.  But so what?  All this does not give him rights to your body.  And it does not mean they have the right to disrespect you.  Therefore, under all situations weather we are lonely or not, we must not let go of ourselves or our dignity and allow men to treat us any kind of way.  Know what I am saying.  I hope you do.  Until next time folks.

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Dating Tips For The Single Mother

I had the wonderful chance to do a guest post for 411Momma on Youtube in which I talked about my five best dating tips for the single mom.  Check it out below.

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What About Your Friends? Letting Go of Frenemies

https://sophie-sticatedmom.com/



What I am about to tell you is a lesson that I had to learn through time.  I will be the first to admit that I do not have a lot of friends and at the end of the day I do not care and it does not bother me.  Not to sound harsh, but I have learned what type of people to have in my life and what people to cut out.  I used to like to invite everyone into my inner circle only to be faced with frustration and drama, that is really something that I do not have time.  I do not have time for the negativity, the drama, the arguments, the non encouragement; and if the person that I am dealing with is about that then they can bounce.


For example, when I started my Master’s degree I had a girlfriend that told me that I could not do it being a single mother, I was going to quit before finishing, and how it was going to be hard.  Perhaps in her mind she meant the best, but in my mind she was being negative and discouraging me from what I wanted to do.  These are the type of people that you have to weed out of your life and that is what I did.  And low and behold, 3 years after starting my Master’s I finished with over a 3.6 GPA and she is no longer my friend.  I will take this a step further

Take this Bible Example

“When Jesus came into the ruler’s house, and saw the flute players and the noisy crowd wailing, He said to them, ‘Make room, for the girl is not dead, but sleeping.’ And they ridiculed Him. But when the crowd was put outside, He went in and took her by the hand, and the girl arose.”

Matthew 9:23-25

It was not that Jesus could not heal the child, but he sent everyone out because their unbelief and negativity was going to interrupt his process and who has time for all of that?  Who has time to sit and hear people tell you what you cannot do when you know that you can?  Who has time for people who have nothing nice to say to you or about what you can accomplish?  If they cause you more stress than anything then why are they in your life?  And when you take them out of your life please know not to get all depressed and bent out of shape about it.  I cannot tell you how many times I hear people get all depressed about not having any friends, sitting and crying about it.

I hate to sound insensitive, but that is nothing to cry about.  If the people that you are dealing with do not value you or your friendship, then that is their lost and not yours.  So why are you upset about it.  I have learned to be content weather I am with myself or weather I am with others.  And now in this day and time I really prefer to be by myself.  It is when I am by myself that I listen and hear God speak.  If you are always around other people who thoughts, words, and opinions drown out your thoughts; then how can you hear your own voice?  How can you hear God’s voice?  So while some of my so called friends were speaking negativity, the only thing that kept me from feeding into it was the words of God.  When you speak to God you know that He is telling you the truth and you know that He wants the best for you.  So really when you have God, you can never say that you do not have any friends when there is the best friend in the whole universe just waiting for you to get away from negative friends who tear you down so He can build you up.

I have had friends that I have known for a very long time, but it was not until I started to know God and know myself that I started to see the real people around me.  I have noticed many friends that I have had for a long time that were negative, they have nothing positive to say, they are always gossiping, bragging, their life is messy, or they are messy.  Sometimes when you are in the midst of the mess with them, you do not see how jacked up of a person they are.  It is not until you step out of their world of dysfunction that you see, that perhaps you need to step away from them and their none sense.

Looking back over my teens and my twenties, I think back on the words that people have told me. At the time not understanding that these word were like backhanded compliments.  Oh you know the statements that seem nice on the surface but when you think about it, it was there way of tearing you down on the low.  Stuff like saying,

“Oh you look a little chunky today; but your outfit is cute.”

Or “Are you wearing your hair like that, I wouldn’t but do you?”

Phrases like these seem harmless but if you hear them over and over again you will start to question you weight, your hair, things about yourself that your saw call friend-emies have put into your head.  That is why it is so important to have real people who are for you no matter what and not against you.

Now lets flash forward.  Once I let go of alot of the negative people and people who did not really want me to do good, guess what?  I started to do the things that I felt I was called to do.  And I am getting further and further on my path, and I am completely happy.  And now the same people who said I could not, either are trying to still rain on my parade or they are trying to get all up in my space and pretend to be my friend now that they see that I am doing better regardless of what they said.  And these are the people that you need to be careful of.  It is not that you do not want to forgive, but just like Jesus sent out the people to prevent them from speaking negativity into his atmosphere is the same way that you have to keep negative people out of your space.  And not only keep them out of your space, but do not let them make you feel bad for doing it.  You know what is best for you, and do not let any one guilt you or make you feel bad for not letting their negative energy and unbelief into your personal space.  Does that make sense, I hope so.  Until next time lovey people.

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Advice To Single Women In their 30's, For Those Who Want to Get Married.

This video gives dating and relationship advice to women in their 30's and beyond and comes from someone who is in their 30's and in the counseling field.

Check out my video below: 

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How I Stop Being Desperate For Marriage

https://sophie-sticatedmom.com/

I can recall the days in which I use to fantasize about getting married.  I used to talk to all my other single friends about how much we wanted to get married and how wonderful it would be when we get there.  But one day something clicked in my mind and everything changed.  Do not misunderstand me, I do want to get married eventually but as it stands it is not that much of a priority any more.

Let me explain.  I am a firm believer in God speaking to people in dreams.  Not all dreams but some dreams.  There are plenty of biblical accounts of God speaking to people in their dreams and about two or three years ago, this happened to me.  I can recall the dream still so vividly to this day.  The dream was about my future husband.  I saw him.  Well not really saw him, I saw the back of his head and the way in which he was dressed. And even more so, there was a feeling that was associated with the dream.  A feeling of happiness and the whole vibe of him.  It was in that dream that I knew that the only way to my future husband was to continue on the path that God has given me to go, because I know that on that journal my husband will be there.

As I reflect on how I was prior to this dream, I can recall of how much time I wasted day dreaming and talking about getting married and finding a good man.  It really was exhausting and it was detouring me away from the real things that I was suppose to be doing.

The way I see is that when you get to heaven is God going to congratulate you on finding a husband or is he going to congratulate you on fulfilling your life purpose.  Therefore what do you think is more important to God in this life.  The time that we waste thinking, lusting, and thinking about marriage.  Or being patient, doing the things we felt we were called to do and allowing God to bring that right person to come to us.

I cannot tell you how many of the good marriages happen when people were not looking for love.  They were just going about their merry little way, and then BAM it happened.  I feel that when you go about love this way, you have a lens on in which you can see people for who they really are.  Meaning that if you are desperate for love, then you will take anyone and accept anybody, sometimes causing more pain to yourself.  But when you step out of the desperation and keep focused on yourself and what you are suppose to be doing, then you can clearly see the type of person that is good for you and that will go along with your life and life purpose.

Now as it stands, even at 31 years old.  I do not mind being single.  I do not mind telling people that I am over 30, not married, and I do not mind telling people my age.  Why should I mind?  I have accomplished many things in my short years of being here on Earth and God willing I will still accomplish more to come.

With that dream that I mentioned it was a knowing.  I knew this man was a hard worker and I knew he was a good man.  And most of all in that dream, it was not even a man that I would have pictured for myself.  Not at all, he was much better.  And believe me I have a grand imagination of what I want my husband to be and I have dated some pretty attractive men, and he was much better than that.


The reason why I never thought of a man like this is because in some way I did not think I could deserve a man like that.  I was not reaching that high at that point in my life.  I was just going from day to day not doing anything really important or significant, so why would I get a man that was important and significant.  And with that dream, God told me that I needed to change.  He saw me as important and significant, and He could not understand why I was not living up to what I was created for.  Not only to get the man, but to get the many promises and gifts that God has in store for me.

And guess what, I bet it is the same for you.   You have to clear out all these negative emotions in order to get your direction and see what type of life God really wants for you.  And since God is the King of Kings, and we are his children (direct decedents of royalty), God wants to give you an inheritance.  But like all kings, He will only give you your inheritance when He feels you can be responsible with it.


In closing, instead of being desperate for a marriage.  Be desperate for God, and all the rest will come in due time.

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