Tuesday, June 30, 2015

I Must Be The Poster Child For Bad Dates #Storytime Another Bad Date Story

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Image result for bad datesSometimes I think that I am the poster child for bad dates.  But the I think the bigger issue is not the bad date but rather the changes of men and how they are willing to treat women.  In case you are wondering what in the world I am talking about.  Let me explain my most recent bad date to you.

This past weekend I had to go to a school conference.  There I saw a man that I met at a previous school conference and I will be honest at the fact that I was not really feeling him then and I did not see any reason to change my opinion.  However, I tend to be very picky and he appeared to be a nice man so when I met him this time he offered to take me to dinner later in the evening, I agreed.

Now just to give you a word of advice ladies, if a man offers to take you to dinner wait for him to call.  That is his job.  A list of things that you do not do are:

  • Call him all day to make sure that he did not forget about you.  
  • Offer to go dutch. 
  • Offer to drive. 
  • Meet him after work or class in a designated spot at an exact time. 

It is okay to set up a time that you want to meet for the date.  Like in this case I knew he wanted to meet after class.  But after class I went right up to my hotel room.  If he called then great, if not then whatever.  I was not going to go to his class and wait outside his door for him to come out so that we could go to dinner.  Because what if he changed his mind then you would be looking dumb waiting for him.  I feel that you can weigh a man’s seriousness about you when he follows through on the things he said he is going to do.  And it just so happened that this man did that.  After class I got a text asking me was I ready to go to dinner and I agreed.

Image result for worst datesFrom there I met him in the lobby where we proceeded to go on our date.  He opened the door and was very sweet at first.  This is a disclaimer:

Women that even if a man appears to be nice, things can change because they may have an anterior motive on their mind as you will soon see in this case.

After we had dinner everything was all good.  We had  normal conversation and even talked about church.  He seemed like a good man, that is until after dinner he tried to convince me to come back to his room so that we could drink wine together.  To be honest this was not a terrible request that he asked me to come to his room because men typically will try their luck.  What was terrible that even after I said I was not going to his room, he still decided to go to his hotel anyway and coheres me out of the car to go to his room to drink wine.  I already knew I was not getting out of the car.  I knew I was not going to his room to drink wine, for what?

There are several things wrong with this picture:

  • I did not know him. 
  •  That drink could have been drugged. 
  •  He was more than likely trying to get me drunk to have sex with him. 
  •  He was being way too pushy by disregarding my statement and trying to make me go to his hotel after I told him no. 

There are always red flags with people if you really pay attention.  Now some women might have said,

“He has a very good paying job, he took me on a pretty good date, he showed interest in me, and so I mine as well go to his room on the first date.”

WRONG! Just because a man is a good man on paper does not mean that he has all rights to your body and your vagina.  I do not care how much money he has or what he drives.

After him seeing that I was not getting out of the car to go to his room, he then decided that HE wanted to go to a club.  We settled on going to a club/bar.  I personally do not think that a club is good to go to on a first date.  How can you get to know one another over the music while bumping and grinding against one another.  Needless to say, we went to the lounge, I took a picture (as seen here) and then he suggested that we take some pictures together that I will not show you.  The place was nice, we decided to sit and have some drinks.  We only had two drinks but then the real him came out.  This is when I had to fight against a sexual predictor (mild joke).

From this point on he tried to kiss me several times even though I turned my head to show him that I was not trying to kiss him.  He tried to get me to sit on his lap, which as you can see from the picture I had on a dress.  I was not going to sit on his lap in the middle of a lounge and have my butt hanging out.  And he snuck feels on my butt and other parts of my body several times, which pissed me off even more.  What gave him the right to touch me without my permission?

Needless to say it was 12am and I was ready to go.  We did have to go to class in the morning.  He did not want to leave.  As a matter of fact he wanted to dance.  I love dancing by the way, I was just not going to dance with him.  He already showed me he had some boundary issues.  And so I stood there telling him I was ready to go which he ignored and simply got behind me and began grinding his pelvis against my butt as I stood there.

So lets recap.
Image result for bad date
Me saying that I did not want to dance was not enough, me standing there and not moving was not enough.  He chose to actually push up against my backside and he was dancing all his own because I was just standing there irritated.  This happened perhaps about 5 times as I tried to make my way to the door.

Then as we went back to the car, he opened the door and decided to feel me up and down at this point, literally, HE SLID HIS HAND FROM MY THIGH TO MY BUTT,  as I was getting in the car.  And I guess he wanted to try his luck again because at this point he invited me to go back to his hotel, take a bath, and spend the night. Which of course I said. NO.

 Please tell me I am not the only women in the world that thinks that this man is crazy!

After getting back to my hotel, which I would have been happy if he dropped me off in the front of the hotel and went on his way.  But he had to walk me into the hotel were he tried to kiss me again, which I refused.  He then followed me in the elevator, I think to molest me again.  But he never got the chance because a third person got into the elevator with us.  THANK GOD.  And that was the end of our date.  Over the weekend he proceeded to want to take me out again, but to me that was a no thanks.  I do not like feeling violated when dating someone.

Image result for bad dateThe real issue here is why did he feel that this behavior was acceptable.  I think a bigger picture is that he must have tried this behavior on a date before and it worked out for him.  That is the only reason why he would try it again, and think it was okay.  My message to women, is to not accept this type of behavior.  This man made six figures, drove a range rover, had two homes, and was getting a PhD.  But so what?  All this does not give him rights to your body.  And it does not mean they have the right to disrespect you.  Therefore, under all situations weather we are lonely or not, we must not let go of ourselves or our dignity and allow men to treat us any kind of way.  Know what I am saying.  I hope you do.  Until next time folks.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Trusting God, When You Feel Lost.

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Have you ever had those days in which you want to give up?  Give up on everything and not really sure where the direction of your life is going?  For myself, it is not secret that I have education, and I thought that life was leading one way only to find that God was taking me in another way all together.

This for me was both confusing and frustrating.  The question that always remains in my mind is how can I have plans for myself when God has other plans for me?  And His path seems way harder then I ever imagined.

Through this Bible verse we know

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” -Jeremiah 29:11

But so often times we look at the prosper part, not thinking about the amount of work and things in between that God requires of us to get there.  Often times leaving us feeling frustrated with ourselves and frustrated with God.

Frustrated with God’s promises of being successful at the path that He has given us, but not seeing the success yet.  Going through the motions of hard work but not being where we want to be at yet.

The first thing to understand is the definition of God’s success, is not our same definition.  Being prosperous in God’s eyes may not look like being prosperous in our eyes.  I am sure in God’s eyes I am prosperous because I am doing the things that He wants me to do, but in my eyes I have a long way to go.

And really that is where the internal struggle begins.  That is not seeing things like God sees them and viewing our success of prosperity through the eyes of the world.  And this is really just another definition of faith.  Believing that God has the best for you and wants the best for you even though you do not see it yet, or even though you do not understand it.  And also staying on the path despite what you see, knowing that it is going to get you to be exactly where you need to be.

For those days where you see no end in sight and the days that you want to give up, you just keep going; trusting that God is leading you somewhere even if you do not know where.

The idea of Christianity it very simple.  Either you can chose to believe God and all those wonderful things in the Bible or you do not.  You can choose to believe that God is leading you in the right direction or not.  You can choose to believe that whatever rut you are in right now is going to last forever or not. And although it seems like such a basic understanding of God, choosing to believe what God has told you can be both the hardest and easiest things that you an go through depending on your situation.

It can be hard to believe in prosperity when you are stuck struggling to pay your bills and always tittering on the edge of being broke.  It can be hard to believe that you are going to be a parent after you have be diagnosed with infertility.  It can be hard to see that God is going to bring something great from a difficult situation, when all you see is the difficult situation, and they keep coming back to back.  But if we do not believe that God can do these things, then why believe in God at all?  If anyone can turn things around and make things happen then surely, God can?  If not Him; then who?  And if not anyone, you would be stuck in the mind frame that your situation is permanent and will never change.  And this simple statement is not the work of God; but the work out doubt and being fearful.  And

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

Friday, June 12, 2015

Dating Tips For The Single Mother

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I had the wonderful chance to do a guest post for 411Momma on Youtube in which I talked about my five best dating tips for the single mom.  Check it out below.