Thursday, October 9, 2014

Why did he Choose Her!???!

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This is an age old question of many women who find themselves in a break up in which your ex chose another women over you ask.  From your eyes you are smarter than her, look better than her, and you feel you are obviously the best choice.

What does he see is her? Why did he chose her?

To answer this question I think you have to get into the maturity of the man.  If a man is just dating and not looking to be serious then he is always going to hop around from woman to woman and there is no reason trying to wreck your brain to figure out why he is choosing other women over than you.  When this is obviously his pattern.

But what about the man that says he is ready to settle down, get married, and he still chooses someone else over you?

I think a feasible explanation comes down to this.

From what I have seen emotionally healthy men who are ready to get married chose the woman who they feel will make the best wife to them.  So although you may think you are the obvious choice he may be looking for something different.

Let’s look at the account of Ruth and Boaz.  Boaz was obviously single had a good amount of money and for some reason had not settled down.  But then he saw Ruth and was smitten with her.

But why?

He saw Ruth in the middle of a field in which she had been working for hours undoubtedly not looking her best, but he still chose her.

 Boaz fell for Ruth for some of the same reason why a man chooses another women over you.

Boaz may have thought Ruth was nice looking as she slaved in the field, but it was the things that her heard about her that really sold him on her.

Boaz heard Ruth was a hard-worker.  She had been slaving in the field from early morning up until he came to prove this fact, for months.  Boaz liked that.

Ruth was loyal.  Ruth left the city of Moab with her mother in law to the land of the unknown that consisted of being broke.  Instead of saying “screw this” and going back to her home land, she was loyal to her mother and law.  She was the sole provider.  She worked and got them food and never once complained.

She loved God.  Not saying every man that choses another women over you is because of her love for God.  But having a good morale character can help.  No man wants to chose a woman who is a liar, cheater, and jumps from man to man.  Not only was Ruth not that woman, but she trusted God so much that she abandoned her own God and culture that she knew from Moab in order to follow the Jewish God.

My point is the reason why he may chose another woman over you is because he sees her as a harder work, better wife, better mother, being a good person, being trust worthy, being all the things that Boaz saw in Ruth.

It may not come down to who is more physically attractive or who can do 1,000 tricks in the bedroom, so if this is what you are basing your relationship quality on, you are sadly misguided.

On the flip side, you may be like me.  Every man that has ended a relationships with me and chosen someone else I feel is crazy.  But I have come to learn that it is not about me.  Even though I may feel I am the better women or person, to him he may want something else.

That does not make me feel bad about myself.  It just makes me understand that I may not fit into his life the way he needs a woman to fit in his life.  And this is not a bad thing,  why would anyone want to force a relationships with someone that does not see your value or is willing to choose someone else over you.

For all of that, you do not want to be with someone like that anyway?

So why did he chose her?

  • It could be because she is more of wife material. 
  • It could be because she fits into his life better than you. 
  • It could be because he does not see the value in you and who you really are.
  • It could be that even though nothing is wrong with you, she is the woman of his dreams and your not.  No matter how dysfunctional she may be. 

What does matter is that he chose her.  And you cannot wreck your pretty little head over it or try to convince him to come back.  What you can do is be the best you, you can be just to show him how much of a prize he missed out on and not be a needy wreckless mess.