He who find's a wife, finds a good thing. Not the other way around. Stop Chasing Men!

The verse that is ringing in my head today is “he who finds a wife, finds a good thing.’’  When you really think about it, it is a powerful statement.  I do not know what is going on with women these days.  It would seem as if the desperation is dripping off of them liked beads of sweat on a hot summer day.  You may laugh at this analogy, but some women are so hard up for a man or marriage, that they are willing to compromise their own pride and self-dignity to get it.  Women, in case you did not know, you are supposed to be the prize.  A man that is ready to get married will be looking for a wife, and if you are the woman that he is looking for then he is going to find you.  You should not have to chase him down, convince him of your worth, cook and clean his house, in order for him to realize that.  He should be in active pursuit of you. 

It would seem that men would have us thinking the other way around.  I was watching this reality show Real Preachers of LA.  On it was a woman in hot pursuit of a preacher.  She had been chasing him for about 16 years!  Cooking for him, cleaning for him, “playing” his wife, when he did not give her that title, nor did he intend to.  When she finally did have the marriage conversation with him, she was somehow shocked to hear that he did not see himself getting married.  You have to look at people’s actions, and if in 16 years he was not willing to claim you as his own, then you should have been gone 15 years ago!  Cease cleaning his house, stop making him food, and go about your business.  It would seem that women are afraid to walk ways from situations that are obviously jacked up.  Women, you do not need a man, you need a GOOD man.  I do not care how great the sex is, get a hobby to occupy your time and keep it moving.  Why would you want to sit and play someone’s “wife” when he is not willing to make you the real thing?  All he is doing is buying time until the “real” one comes along.  A man will let you cook for him, clean for him, tell you that he cares.  But actions speak louder than words! He should be willing to wife you because he sees the value in you, and the thought of losing you devastating to him.  No convincing on your part is needed.

If you are single, and have no options for a man right now.  That does not mean you have to lose all of your senses and go chasing after everyman you see. You come off as desperate, and it is a turn off.  If when you first met a man and within the first week he told you that he ready to get married, impregnate  you with his 5 kids, meet your family, and pulled out a wedding ring.  You would more than likely bolt to the nearest police station to get a restraining order.  So why do women feel within the first 10 minutes of meeting man you have to be coupled up.  Allow yourself to get to know the person, and figure out whether you really like them.  I get that you want to get married, but you should determine that.  You should be the one who determines if you like HIM, if he fits into your life and your goals, if you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him.  Women, sometimes you have to get off of the idea of being a wife, to see if the he would make a good husband.  Stop being so thirsty!  When you do this, you find out that the man your chasing, really isn’t a good fit for you at all.  It could also be the strength and independence that draws the man to you.  Not the “ready to get married” sign around your neck.  I have come to find that men want to get married just as much as we do.  But they do not want to be forced into it.  And that is exactly what chasing does.  So stop chasing a man.  Be yourself and let your future husband find you.  It’s the best way, and chasing a woman is in a man’s DNA.  So let them do it.

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Out of the Abundance of the heart the mouth speaks

Sophia Reed MSHS  

Over the past few days there have been two Biblical verses that have been ringing in my head that I feel the need to speak on.  The first is: 

“The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth that which is good, and the evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth that which is evil, for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:45

And the second is

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 18:21

These are two different verses found in two different part of the Bible, but essentially they say the same thing.  The main message of this verse is that your mouth has power.  So often we get into the idea of complaining and saying negative things out of our mouths.  But do you really think of how that negativity that is coming out of your mouth, affects you!  When reading the verse above it clearly states that the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  Therefore, if negativity is coming out of your mouth, then what does that say about your heart? And if your heart is negative, then what does that say about you as a person? 

Let’s just stop to reflect on where negativity starts.  When things start to get bad, we first start to think of how bad things are, then we start to complain about how bad things are, and then before we know it, complaining is all that we do and soon this is what consumes us.  Have you ever just encountered a person and everything that came out of their mouth was just so negative.  They did not just get like that in one day.  It started from within.  And what starts from within must come out, and when it comes out it comes out of the mouth! And when negativity comes out of your mouth you are speaking death to a situation.  Have you really reflecting on what speaking death to a situation means?  Every time you open your mouth and say that you can’t do something, or something is hard, or when you complain, or when anything comes out of your mouth that is negative, you are speaking DEATH.  You can be speaking death against your own progress, just by simply saying you CAN’T do something.  You can be speaking DEATH to your destiny, with what is coming out of your mouth. 

I will turn back this back to myself to use as an example.  There are many things that God has told.  Many things that seem almost impossible to reach.  I can chose to believe God and speak life into my situation or I can chose not to believe God and speak death.  

Now you may asked, what speaking life to a situation may look like?  Speaking life to your situation means getting up every day and thanking God for your future, even though you have not seen it yet.  It means speaking words of encouragement into yourself and other people.  It means speaking and doing as if things were, even though you have not quite gotten there yet.  It means transforming your heart, so that your mouth cannot even phantom saying something negative.  Speaking life means transforming your heart so that nothing but positive things comes out of your mouth.  And please believe, this is not an easy process, you are going to have to bridle your tongue and train your mouth.   But once you have mastered this skill, then what is impossible to you?!

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 18:21

If we know that the tongue can bring death and you reap the consequences of that, imagine if you were to speak life how much consequence you can reap.  Not just speaking life into yourself and your situation but speaking life into others.  If you see your fellow sister or brother down, give them encouragement.  Speak life into them! Do not let your friend, family member, brother, or sister sit and be down around you.  Do not let them die! Even if they are sitting around complaining and speaking death into themselves, as their friend, co-worker, associate, or person just passing by,  speak life into them! It can make a world of a difference to them and for you.  For “of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” so if your heart is good, you should be speak good anyway.  And if you are a type of person that speaks negative, then I am sorry to say but your heart is corrupt.  It is not me saying this, but GOD!  So be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to anger.  Before you speak, think about what you’re saying.  Think about whether what you are saying is adding value to the conversation or taking away. Think about whether your words are speaking life to a situation or death.  If the answer is the latter, then it is best to not say anything at all.  I challenge everyone to examine your own heart and mouth.  Think about the things that you say and have said.  Purge yourself of complaining, negativity, and anything that comes out of your mouth that is negative and just speak life.  

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In the dry Season

In the Dry Season

Sophia Reed MSHS

I recently read and article in which a paster killed himself. In the article it quoted that the pastor's last sermon was about him feeling like he was talking to God and he felt as if God could not hear him or was not speaking back to him. I first want to note. that suicide is not the answer. Never make a temporary problem into a permanant solution. But I must also say that I can relate a lot to.what he was saying. Have you ever been in a season where you felt like you were talking to God and he was not talking back? Have you ever felt like you were begging God for a direction and he just was not answering? I have been in that place and it is one of the worst feelings in the world.....when your used to talking to God and all of a sudden there is a silence. I want to note that I do think God can be silent but i don't think it is torture us or to hurt us, sometimes there really just isn't anything to say. There have been times in which I was going through a dry season and I didn't know what God was doing nor would he tell me.


Looking back now I know there was no answer that God could have gave me that I would have been satisfied with understand. The only thing I was suppose to do was to trust God and go through the season and know that it if He loved me then everything will work out in the end. So many times we get into the mentality that God is disappointing us. We try to give God a "people" charateristic. We think that if wedon't feel God or if we do not hear him then he is not there. But I have come to learn that Gods ways are not our ways. God never leaves us but yes he may be silent. That does not mean that he's mad , or has forsaken us its just means its a time for everything and sometimes its just time to be silent. When God was silent with me it was because there was nothing that he wanted me to do other than what I was doing. I was going through a hard time and I thoguht that God was some how punishing me..I would cry and ask God what it was or what had I done and he would not respond back, it was like it could not even feel his presence . Now that the situation is over I see what God was doing. I see that there was nothing that needed to be done on my part except for to get through the hardship and to get through it as gracefully as possible. You see God could not tell me that because he knew that I would not understand and that I would moan and groan all the way. As we know from the book of Job, you could be good in God's sight, blameless, and still be put through both hell and high water. So why is that? Because we know that through hardships it builds both your faith and character as a follower. And I believe the more faith you have the more God can trust you with. That is why God tells us to whom much is given much is required. Its not that God will just require much but that you are going to go through much in order to get the reward. The bigger the hardship I am convinced the bigger the reward. So you just have to go through it. God is not going always going to tell you why or even speak to you in the process, he just wants you to rest assure in his word...and his word says that he will never leave you or forsake you. When God says something you can take that check to the bank and its a guarantee that it won't bounce. So in this season, if it seems dry, or lonley, or like God is just not there. Take heart and know that he is. It may just be time to do your part or just get through the season before God give you your next steps. But the important thing is to just keep going!

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My top Five Quotes Ch. 4-6 From my Upcoming Book ( unedited version)

Sophia Reed MSHS

Coming Soon 1/2014 Look For it!!!

1. The point I am trying to make is not everyone is good for you or means you well despite what you think or they say.  Actions speak louder than words.  If a person loves you, you should know it and there should be no second guessing.  Do I think it was meant for me to go through these situations?  Yes I do, because of the overall lessons I learned

2. If you are to get married, do you really think your husband is going to allow an ex-boyfriend or male friend that is interested in you hang around his wife?   I think not! So it is best to cut that off now.  Not only that, but having all these different men around you may be blocking the energy of the one that you are really meant for.  It is okay to be alone.  Yes it may be sad or de
pressing, but to carry on and on with people you know do not want you or that you do not want you is dumb, and not to mention a waste of time.


3. There is no sense in trying to convert.  Pray for his deliverance and keep it moving. I personally feel if a man does not believe in God or a higher power for that matter you are setting yourself up for failure.  What would tell them not to cheat, commit adultery; how to love you, whenever we get confused we can turn to God’s word for that.  If he doesn’t have anywhere to look to, or feels he is accountable to anyone, then he can go on doing anything without any sense of right or wrong.

4. The point of this story is to show you that as a single mother it is hard and I did not always do everything right.  However, in my mistakes God decided to bless me anyway.   He did so as long as I was willing to listen to Him. In my opinion, everyone was born to be great.  It is up to you weather you get there or not.


5. The main phrase that I like to remember is that tomorrow is not promised to anyone.  Therefore, live each day like it is your last.  That does not mean to be reckless, doing drugs, and drinking and driving.  Its means that you should strive to put your mark on this world one way or another.  Make your life matter, to somebody in this world.  Put a positive impact on this world.  It would be better in my opinion to have somebody change in a positive way because they knew you and because they meet you, then it is leave this world and people feel sorry for you, because you never did anything significant. For nobody to care if you were around or not, or being remembered for having a negative attitude all the time, or that you were the miserable psycho that everybody hated and everyone talked about behind your back.

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Unhealthy Single Behaviors to Purge Yourself From

Unhealthy Single Behaviors to Purge Yourself From

Sophia Reed MSHS

As far as relationships are concerned we all hear about people who want to be in relationships, but we never really think of the work that it takes in order for someone to have a successful relationship.  So here are some common behaviors that I myself had to purge myself of as a single woman and behaviors that I see in other women single women have that needs to be purged.

1.       Be a Giver- In case you did not know this.  Relationships are about giving.  If everyone in the relationships was always giving then the relationships would have a lot less problems.  So a single person, practice being a giver!  This does not always mean money.  It could be kind words, emotional support, a hug! Anything.  Many people come into relationships thinking “what can I get get” or “what can this person do for me.”  But get yourself out of that mind frame, do not think “what can I get” but rather “what can I give” in this relationship.

2.       Let Go.  Many times the reason why people remain single is because they do not want to let go of the past.  And by the past I mean the ex that you keep going back to even though to know that person is not for you, even though you know they told you that they do not want to be with you, or they have other women, or they don’t want to settle down…or a million or’s as for the reason that you are still hanging on to someone that does not want you.  Any person who wants to be with you, will!  Point, blank, period!!!  If for some reason they are not with you, then they are not your man, then MOVE ON!!!!

3.       Get some confidence.  There are so many people that believe that once they are in a relationship then they are complete.  A relationship does complete you, a relationship does give you confidence, it cannot do anything for you that you cannot do for yourself.  So if you are expecting a relationship to be the Savior to all of your problems, then you need to look for Jesus for that.  Be confident on your own.  When you are confident, you demand the type POSITIVE attention.  When you have low self-esteem, people can tell.  So if you are attracting a certain type of partner then you may need to have a self-reflective moment at what you are putting out.  Confidence will attract confidence person, and the opposite will have the adverse affect.  So if you are not right yourself, then get right, before bringing someone else in your circle.  

4.       Being Argumentative.  People confuse being argumentative with being confident.  When in fact that is NOT the case.  The Bible says

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.   Proverbs 21:9

  

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike Proverbs 27:15

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24

A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.  Proverbs 19:13

So if all these verses want to speak about an argumentative women, then I think that says something.  Ladies sometimes you just have to SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!!  There is time and a way to say everything, you do not need to scream your point of view from the top of your lungs all the time.  Pick and choose your battles, and you do not always have to be right!!!!  Learn when to talk, and when to let things walk. Stating your opinion does not always mean, being argumentative.

5.       Let Go and Let God.  I think that being bitter can be one of the number one reasons why future relationships fail.  Do not let the past fails of relationships be the reason why your future relationships fail.  So what such and such did you wrong in the past?  Build a bridge and get over it. There is no reason why the man that you broke up with 10 years ago is still affecting your future relationships.  People have a hard time trusting, being committed, telling the truth and whole slew of other things because they claim that they have been damaged in past relationship.  There is no reason for that.  We have all had bad relationships, break up, friendship, you name it.  But that does not prevent us from moving on.  So if you have an excess of baggage from past relationships.  Get rid of it, because with it you will never be able to move on to successful relationship.

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Five Quotes From The First Three Chapters Of My Upcoming Book ( unedited version) Waiting on a Man After God's Own Heart

Five Quotes From The First Three Chapters Of My Upcoming Book 

By Sophia Reed MSHS

1. “As I have matured, I look back now, and I feel that I am getting closer. I know this because I reflect on what God has done in my life, why He has done it, and where He is leading me.  This is something that I never did before.  I think before, I just made demands on God, and thought that as long as I followed Him, He would…no that He should give me what I wanted. As a matter of fact, I still struggle with that sometimes. I think the only difference now is that deep down I know better, and I am able to quickly see and recognize God’s plan for my life, despite my own selfish desires.”

2. “I am not going to fill you with fluff and say every day I thanked the Lord; it was not like that at all.  It was hard and hard to trust God. But like the Hebrews God brought me out.  He told me that He made me to be a survivor, to always get things done and not to depend on the hand out on others.  It taught me to trust God and not my own understanding, even though I had some angry conversations with God during that time.  He was always there, even when I didn’t think He was.”


3. “Since I felt like all the signs were there despite him treating me like crap, I felt he just needed time to come around.  But boy was I wrong.   As I mentioned and will mention it again, signs should be followed by action.  If he was the one for me, then at some point he should have been aware of this also.  The enemy can lead people astray and I felt this is exactly what happened with this guy, because it had the devil’s work written all over it.”

4. “I only really felt sorry for him because I could not understand that A. as a man and B. as a Christian he could behave this way toward another person.  Granted we are not all perfect, but to seek to intentionally harm another individual in the way that he has over the entire year of me knowing him was mind blowing. And to think I sat by and allowed him to do it is even more mind blowing.  I should have been out of there. “


5. “I truly believe this from the bottom of my heart.  I am just a woman that is waiting, for a good man.  I am a woman that has chosen to no longer settle, compromise, or dumb herself down just so men would not feel inadequate around me. I have done all of these things in the past.  If God put gifts in me, like I am sure He puts gifts in you.  He is going to give you a match of someone that has equal value.  I have come to learn that not every man that bats an eye in your direction, deserves your time.  I think as women, we have to understand that.  As women you need to walk with you head high, speak like you have home training, look nice, and be confident.  Give off the impression to men that if they cannot come correct, then they need not come at all.”

Look For Waiting For A Man After God’s Own Heart. Coming 2014!!!!

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You Complete Me?

You Complete Me?

By Sophia Reed MSHS

It would seem that every since the Movie of Jerry McGuire the famous phrase to tell someone is that they complete you.  I know this sounds all romantic, but I would have to beg a differ.  I think that  this phrase sends the wrong message to people. Which is that someone needs someone else to complete them in a relationships in order for the relationship to be functional.  This may be why we have so many dysfunctional relationships going on in the world.  People expect for the person they are with to complete them. And when they feel they are not getting what they need from that person in order to feel complete; they move on in search for someone else.

Well, this is a news flash for you, do not expect anyone to complete you!  If you wait for someone to complete you in order to be happy, then you may be waiting for a very long time.  The point is, do not depend on someone else to make you happy, to do so would be giving that person way too much power over your emotions.  Do not wait until you are married until you feel like you can move forward into the next phase in your life, you can do these things now.

The main point that I am trying to make here is that you should be happy on your own and you should be completed on your own.  The only thing that the other person is going to come in and do is add onto the already awesome packaged called “yourself.”  Because if you depend on someone else for your happiness and that person never comes? Then what?  If you depend on someone else to complete you and they leave or disappoint you? Then what? Are you just going to fall apart.  Do you see what I mean. You have to have the strength to stand on your own.  When people see that you are confident on your own and that you are complete on your own, then people would be falling over themselves to be next to you.   Because they will feel like it is easy to be your friend and not feel responsible for your emotions.

No one wants to be around a needy and clingy person.  And at the end of the day, no relationship can survive like this.  Relationships are really about what you can give to the other person.  It is about what you can give to your partner, and your partner giving to you.  If in a relationship, everyone was always focused on giving, then the relationships would go a lot smoother.  However, if you are waiting on someone to complete you, then guess what, you have nothing to give to the other person.  You do not even have enough to give to complete yourself.  Therefore you have to think about that when you are looking for someone to complete you.  There the ones that are completing you, but what are they getting out of it?

Therefore, do not look for anyone to complete you.  That is because there is no one else out there that can complete such task, with the exception of God.   If you feel that you are in a place that you are not complete, then the last thing that you should be looking for is a relationship.  You need to be looking for yourself, and figure out whatever it is that you need to go do until you do feel complete on your own.  Then you can go out and find someone to add to you.  But while you are incomplete do not go around trying to find and/or expect someone to add to your already dysfunctional self.  It is not fair to them.  Be fair, and the type of partner that adds on to someone life, not someone that is incomplete and expect to be added on to.  Do not leave the responsibility of you being happy on someone else head.

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What Message Are You sending

I was watching a reality show the other day called Find Me My Man.  Most of these women on there are seriously wrong and misguided. For example, one woman was a lawyer, when she went on the first date (which was a mock date with a date coach) she proceeded to tell him all the piercings that she had on her body as well as other sexual innuendoes.  But yet she said that she wanted a gentleman.  How on Earth could she want a gentleman, when she was not even a lady?  I have seen women that do not care about how they look, do not have a job, do not even have their own or steady place to live, that will demand a man that works in business, keeps themselves well groomed, and has their own place to live.  These women are often shocked when they are looked over.  Let’s look at this picture here.  After this man has worked hard to get what they have and be where they are at, why on Earth would they waste that on the type of women I just described.  

When women enter into a relationship we need to begin to bring something to the table.  Let’s switch around the tables for a bit.  If you made 6 figures, travel on a regular basis, and in the cooperate world, are you going to want a high school dropout that has no goals in life,  only knows about boxed wine, and has not traveled outside of their state….let alone the country.  Therefore women, be what you asked for in a mate.  What type of mate do you want?  Let’s talk about the above example and let’s say this is your mate (6 figures, travels, cooperate, whatever).  Then the type of women you need to be is this.  You need to dress and look well, because other women will be after your man if he is all of that (I am just keeping in real) and although men are expected to be faithful, let’s not tempt things by you walking around looking like who did it and what for all the time, men are visual.  That is not going to turn them on and it is not going to turn their eyes toward you. 

You also need to know a little something about a little something.  That means you will be going to Christmas parties, country clubs, and other things that six figure people do.  So you need to know about wine, exotics foods, the proper pronunciation of exotic foods, how to speak properly, proper table etiquette, and how to speak like you actually have intelligence.    

The way I see it is like this.  Is a million dollar man going to walk into a “bring your own bottle” after hours spot and swept you off your feet ….no he is not….unless he is lost. So why on Earth would you even be at this pace in the first place.  Why are you choosing to hang around places where people get shot, do drugs, where the police have to be on the outside of the club to regulate things?  You are not going to find the man you want there, unless you want a thug.  If you want a man to that goes to nice places, you are not going to meet him in the places I just mentioned.  They are going to be in a place that you actually have to dress up to go to, so why are you going to places other than that is confusing to me.  You are setting yourself up for failure and you are absorbing the ignorance around you while you are in those places, dumbing yourself down, instead of building yourself up for the man that is planned for you.    

Also let’s take a look at what you wear.  If your breast, butt, vaginal lips, can be seen by what you are wearing.  Then take it off.  When a man sees this he is going to think you are easy.  It is going to attract the wrong type of attention and your time will be wasted on men that only see you as a sex object.  Why on Earth would a real Christian going man be attracted to that.  As a matter of fact, most real men that are not believers will not be attracted to that.  Some women make the mistake of thinking that showing this gets you attention.  It does, but it gets you the wrong type of attention.  If you dress like a street walker, then how can you expect to catch a man on Wall Street?  You are on two separate sides of town entirely, one is in uptown and the other is in the slums.   

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A Gut Feeling or God's Voice? Is it Discernment?

I was having a conversation with a fellow Christian last night and I was telling her how I have been sick that was associated with stress and difficult people I had been dealing with. She told me to consider that perhaps I was not sick but rather the Holy Spirit in me, sense the ill intentions, demonic spirits, hatred, envy, of others, and that me being sick is the Holy spirits reaction to that when I am around them....that and its way of letting me know not to trust the situation or perhaps even the person. I thought that this was a very interesting. When you think of the idea of discernment, when it is from God it is essentially telling you the intent of others.

When dealing with gifts, I think we never really know how some of these gifts may manifest.  Who is to say that when you are given discernment God may tell you out  right what is going on, but for me it may cause me to get sick.  For a long time now, years in fact, when dealing with difficult situations and difficult people my intestines are the first ones to get upset.  I always looked at it as some diseased or dysfunction, but when I really thought about it.  The only time that it gets upset it under certain situations when dealing with certain people (typically bad ones).  It is possible that sometimes even thinking about dealing with that person I could start to feel sick.  I guess the point that I am trying to make is that we always try to go and find some hectic complicated answer for something, when in fact the answer could be so simple.  It could just be God’s way of talking to us or trying to get our attention.  When I came to this realization, it kind of gave me relief that I am not going to die of some strange stomach virus.  It also gave me relief to know that the Holy Spirit is becoming larger and larger within in me, that it is not even going to allow me to stay in the presence of those that mean me know harm.  WOW!  When you really think about that, it is amazing.  It’s like God is grabbing my attention saying Sophia, "move on!!!" This place is not for you, this person is not for you, this relationship is not for you!

And when you really of this like that, there really is no reason why you should go through life hanging around bad people and making bad decisions.  I think that when God gives us the gift of discernment it can come in many ways.  It can be a voice, chill, stomach ache, or a feeling that only you could know.  I think God talks to us all the time throughout the day, and as we develop a closer ear to hear and understand His voice, signs, and emotions that He is giving us, then will we always know where to go and what it is that He wants us to do.  He is always taking and communicating, but are you listening?  I challenge you to examine yourself when you have made both good and back choices.  Try to find the ways in which God has tried to warn you about the bad.  This was you can find how God is trying to get you to discern things.  For me, it is a GUT!!! Feeling, LITERALLY.  And instead of fighting it, now I will trust it, and let it lead me to the right people and places and lead me away from the wrong once.

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Be the Exception and Not the Rule!

In recent times I have been hearing people call me a reoccurring word.  And that is an overachiever.  I find it funny because I never thought of it that way.  I just thought of it as life.  I thought of it as me having a calling and being passionate about something and pursuing it.  Is that wrong? Or is that what we are supposed to be doing?

Let me explain what I mean by that statement. When we were created and put on this Earth, there were certain gifts, desires, passions, and callings.  When those gifts, desires, passions, and callings are screaming at you so loud that you have no choice but to pursue them, I don’t call that over achieving, I call that living.

One thing that I cannot stand are those people on the Earth that wonder around aimless, partying all the times, lolly gagging all the time, and not thinking that there is a bigger purpose to their life then what they were doing. 

The fact of the matter is that most people will come to the realization that they have a calling in life.  The down side is they come to that conclusion many times too late in life.  When they have too many responsibilities and too little time to try to pursue the things that were called for. Either that, or people become lazy and people feel like things should be handed to them.  By then they think, if their calling requires too much work they just give up and go for what is fun. Sadly,  the end result is a meaningless life in which you have not done or accomplished anything much.

Yesterday, someone asked me if I thought that I was taking on too much.  My answer, is no.  I know where I want to be in life and I know what I want.  I am willing to put in the work to achieve these things and I am willing to push myself to the limit to achieve these things no matter what. Because I know with hard work comes a reward.

A lot of people have an issue with what I am saying.  A lot of people have an issue with pushing themselves to the limit.  But if you don’t push yourself, you will never know how high you can fly.  You will settle for flying at the height of a sparrow, when you were meant to soar as high as an eagle.  How can you learn to fly if you don’t strengthen your wings and build up your stamina.  The only way that this can happen is to push yourself…..and hard!  Each time you push, you will find that you get stronger and stronger and as you get stronger you go higher and higher. 

So instead flying under the radar being satisfied with just being average or mediocre.  I dare you to break every expectation that people have of you and be an overachiever.  I dare you to be the exception and not the rule.

Everyday when you wake up make list of things that you need to do that day in order for you to feel successful.  And then get her DONE!!!  I make a practice of doing this every day.  And when I finish all that is on my list it is the best thing in the world.  This way you know you are making progress everyday toward your goal.  If you make a practice of this, before you know it you will reach your goal in no time.  And do not make your goals small and insignificant.  Make them hard to reach, so that when reach them you feel like you have actually accomplished something. 

So visualized, figure out what your dream is, and accomplish it.  Reach the highest and baddest dream that you can fathom and go for it.  Maybe you will get there and maybe you won’t, but at least you tried.  At least you attempted to be and do something better.  Which is what you should be doing anyway, because that was God created you.  You were created in God’s image, so what in the world is impossible to you.


In case you missed it, I am a author.  I have a book which is my exception not the rule.  Click on the book tab to check out my book and for more information.  Read the first two chapters free through Amazon.

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An FYI To Single Mothers

It seems that as single mothers, we never really get to enjoy single life because as a single mother we have responsibilities.  We have all the responsibilities of a full fledge family minus the man.  I am responsible for taking off from work when my son is sick or finding backup sitter when the school is closed. There is no one to trade places with, only me.  I am responsible for picking him up in time, dropping him off every day on time, or I have to pay a fee. I cannot go to happy hour after work; it is the same routine day in and day out. Sounds great doesn’t it. 

Sometimes it is hard, having only one income but wanting to give my son the life of a two parent household.  I know for me I did not want being a single mother to be an excuse for my son to lack for anything.  Therefore my advice to single mothers is to adapt the same attitude.  I know you want for your child or children to have a father figure, but you do not have to wait for a man to do things with your child.  Also I would like to say to single mothers that you do not need to ditch your children in efforts to stay out all night to go find one.  It’s okay to go out, but to go out every other day or every weekend without your kids, this is excessive. 

One thing that God has spoken to me is that when a man looks to date a woman with children the first thing they are going to look at is how they treat their child, especially if the man has children or wants more children.  They may flirt and talk to you.   But trust me; no man is going to take you seriously if you are in the club all night leaving your children with your mother or babysitter all the time.  They are going to think that this behavior is going to continue if they marry you or have children by you. Therefore it is good to do things with your children and have them in activities.  

Another thing that I am going to speak about is really going to get some people heated….and that is some women need to stop procreating.  I understand women who were married and have several children and are now divorced.  However if you have one child by one man, then go and have another by another man, and then by another, and another….at what point are you going to learn your lesson.  Having a baby is no way to keep a man. So stop. Also for FYI when you are looking for that husband it is not a good look to have 5 baby fathers.  Honestly, even if you have multiple children by one man and you are not married.  STOP!   If he does not want to marry you, why do you keep pumping out his children?  Babies are a blessing and even if they are intentional, if he wants to continue to have babies with you but not put a ring on your finger, something is really wrong.  Yes I do have a child.  But I am not going to continue to have more and more children out of wedlock.  I have been there already and done that! And news flash it’s hard!  Women do not fall for the man that does not believe in marriage and it’s a piece of paper.  That is BS, and they are full of it.  It is not just a piece a paper.  It is a responsibility; it is a vow before God that he is willing to step up and be a man to take care of the children that he created.  If he is not, then move on, why waste your time. I feel a real man that wants to be with you; will not want to keep you on the market for another man to snatch you up. 

I am tired of parents being selfish and crying all the time treating their child bad because they feel that their child is the reason they have no man.  Your child is here, you are their parent and you are responsible for their wellbeing.  So stop being so selfish.  Even when you get married do you think that it will be all about you?  No it will not be.  It will be about being a mother and being a wife.  Those things take unselfishness despite what you think.  I can speak so harshly about this because I know that being a single mother is hard.  I know what it is like. I have been there and am here now.  But, as a single mother do not be a victim.  Do not play a victim in front of your kids.  Be strong and the man that will find you will see you as strong, they will see you as a good strong single mother and want you even more.  If you are doing well on your own as a single mother, then imagine how they view you would be as a wife or to their future kids.  

Next I am going to address priorities with single mother.  There have been so many times that I have seen the children wearing all name brand clothing.  There is nothing wrong with name brand clothing.  But if you cannot pay your rent and bills then perhaps you need a readjustment.  At the end of the day name brand is not what matters.  What you instill in your kids matter.  I am not saying have your children looking like a hot mess walking around,  but why at three years old spend $100 on shoes that the child will only wear for a month and grow out of, and you to fall behind on your utilities bills is beyond my understanding.  I mean really get some insight and priority.  I once had client that missed weeks of school because their parent did not buy them back to school clothing.   And what is worst is that the parent had no problems with this.  It is okay for them to look good, but because you do not have Ralph Lauren for back to school it is not the end of the world, and keeping your children from school for this is ignorant on the part of the parent. 

Instead of seeing single motherhood as a burden, I now see it as preparation.  The better mother you are, the stronger you are, and believe it or the better you are prepared for marriage.  So you really have one up in this regard.  Having someone live in your household and being solely responsible for their wellbeing is preparation for marriage.  When kids are young they are selfish.  They want what they want and do not see a world beyond what they want, and cry when they can’t get it.  This is normal; it is part of being a kid.  

When my son was born he would wake up every few hours.  He didn’t care about how tired I was; the only thing he cared about was he was wet, hungry, cold, or whatever, and he wanted me to fix it. Therefore as their mother you give and give to their demands.  For me, I feed my son first, make sure he has what he needs first; I always put his needs before my own.  This is what a husband is like.  Not saying that you are a door mat because your husband should put your needs before his own.  Marriage is about giving and not taking.  So if you have a child and have raised the child, knowing that children are selfish by nature, if you can handle all of this successfully on your own, then imagine how you can bring this into a marriage. 

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Dating Online

 I have heard of people that have met their mate online, or though Facebook, MySpace or whatever.  So I will not down online dating.  But what I will do is tell you how dating online can be effective.  I have been on several sites where the only objective of the man was to get inside of my pants. 

If it is a paid site.  I think that you can have more success and people are more serious.  However, I can say that I have met dogs there too.  But I think that you will have more luck on the paid sites and know that they are more prepared for love. 

I think that the pros of online dating is as I have experienced them include the fact that you can scroll through the people that you want and do not want.  Although people lie, it takes some of the guess work out of things about them.  If you have a list of what type of man you want, you can quickly eliminate people based off of the answers to some of their questions. For example, if you want someone who has a college education, who is a Christian, who has a decent job, then you can rule out the profiles that say they are non-religious and unemployed.  If they are proud of themselves and what they do, then more than likely they are going to be open and list these things. 

I can recall one man that I meant online.  He wanted me to give him my number.  Upon viewing his profile I found that many things were blank, his education, employment, kids, I mean almost everything.  What is the big secret? So I kindly asked him what he did for a living.  He actively avoided my question several times.  I decided to ask him one more time and he told me I was either going to give him my number or I wasn’t.  I chose not to.  At the end of the day what is the big secret that you cannot tell me where you work, what you do, or what type of field you are in.  What are you a drug dealer?  This is not like I am asking you classified information.  So be wary of people that do not want to tell you anything about themselves.  They could either be married or losers, perhaps even a combination of both.  What is the point of creating an online profile if everything on it is blank?

Also be wary of people who do not have a picture.  A prime example of this is in the early chapters the man who was engaged and I saw his wedding on the internet.  He would only send a picture by email and he sent it under a false email (which should have been a sign).  If you are on a site looking for love, then a person should not want to be super secretive.  How are you going to expect anyone to want to talk to you if you do not have a picture?  Most, if not all dating sites you cannot search other members unless you are a member yourself.  So they cannot say they are afraid of who will see them.  The same person that is seeing them is a member themself.  If they do not want to put a picture up, I fear that are hiding something, mainly their wife or girlfriend who they don’t want to find out that they are on the site.

 

If you asked them to send you a picture and you do not like what you see, then what?  Is it this awkward moment where you are just not going to respond back.  I just feel like people who do not put a picture have something to hide.  In this day and age people put their picture on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, so what is the big deal about putting it on a dating site.  Also be wary of people who only put one picture.  They should have several.  If you have ever watched the show Catfish, then you know how people can pretend to be other people online. A quick way to ensure that they are the right person is to see multiple pictures of them in different settings.  To make sure that it is them.  

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Be Single, Be Happy

Why does it seem like the word single seems like a death sentence?  Why do people feel that being in a relationship is the only way to be?  I asked you, instead of looking at being single as something that is non-desirable, why don’t you look at your singleness in a different  way.

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen people go into a relationships, knowing that it is not right and knowing that the person is not right, and stay in the relationships all for the sake of not wanting to be alone.   If you are never alone then how on Earth are you going to know what it is that you do want out of a relationship when you get in to one?

If I confuse you when I say this, then how about lets looking at it like this.  If you are always jumping from one person to the next. Never getting a chance to understand what it is like to be alone then how are you going to know what it is that you, yourself like.

The opportunity to be single is an opportunity to get to know yourself a little bit more.  It is a chance to be alone with your own thoughts so that you can say to yourself “this is what I am looking for” versus “this is what I am not.”  You see so many people jump from relationship to relationship that they never stop to think what is going wrong is the relationships that they are in, and they never learn how to fix it. As a result the person keeps making the same relationships mistakes with the same type of person, and then they wonder why there relationships always ends up in the same space (not working).

The reason why is because sometimes we just need to be alone.  We need to be single and we need to have a moment where we can just hear our own voices in what we need out of a relationship without another person in our ear, telling us what is best.

So I say to you, singleness is not a death sentence, so stop viewing it in this way.  It is an opportunity to take time out for yourself and to figure out what we want out of life and a partner.  It is the time in which we need to reflect and position ourselves for the right one.  During your singleness complete a goal or do the things in life that you always wanted to do.  Do not sit around in one spot, waiting for a significant other to complete your life.  Live for you and realize that that your soul purpose in life is not to be someone else’s wife.  Do not let a relationship define you, define yourself.  Do not let a relationship or lack of a relationship get you down and out.  A relationships is really only one minor aspect of your life, so do not the fact that you do not have one keep you from your mission. Do not let chasing after a relationships keep you from your mission. In the right time the right one will come.  While you wait, take this time to learn more about yourself and what you want.  It is only through knowing these things will you truly be able to have a satisfying relationship anyway.   The right one is out there, take rest in that.  But the only way that the right one will come is when are in a good space to receive it.  Do not look for someone else to complete you, complete yourself and the other person will add on to what you already have. 

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Let Go Of Broken Relationships

Often times when we are in bad relationships the first thing we want to scream out is "but I love him." Then when you look at the apects of the relationship there is really nothing pointing to love. He does not treat you good,he lies to you, and most of all he does not love you. So therefore the question remains is why do you love him and most importantly why are you chasing him.



I think what it boils down to is that we don't like to lose.   Because when you end a relationship that mean that they are not going to be with you. They may move on before you do, get married before you do, go be happy before you do. So as a result we hang on to something that is not love and try to mask it as that.

I am here to tell you to wake up. Weather its the fact that you do not want to loose him to another woman or you just don't want to be alone. When you end a relationship and you feel sad,  that is okay. But before you get too sad realize the relationship is over for a reason. It is not love because if it was then the person could not stand to let you go. So being sad over a relationship is fine, having a total break with reality is not okay. if it is over then it over for a reason. Don't go calling it love when in fact it is something else. And don't go beating yourself up about it either. At the end of the day rest assure what is meant to be will be. So don't cry over the relationship that didn't work it just wasn't meant to be that's all. So get over it and walk toward future relationships.

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A Sprit of Fear Or a Mountain of Faith.

By Sophia Reed

When you look at the idea of both faith and fear, they can seem so opposite end of the spectrum but often times go hand and hand.  I know for myself, God has been asking me to trust him more and more.  To some degree I could always see the other side. Because I could always see the other side, I would not be afraid to walk or go forward because I knew what lied ahead.  However, recently God has been pushing the other side farther and farther away that I am to the point that I cannot see the other side at all.  Therefore, I can see how easily it could be to just stay in the same spot and not move forward, because of not knowing what’s ahead.  However, it is through God’s grace and testing through the early times when I could see the other side, that He got me to trust him during these times when I can’t.

With that being said I ask you to figure out where you are.  Do you have a fear of falling or not being able to make it to the other side?  You could chose to stay in the same spot, never growing, or never even attempting to trust that God has something better in store for you.  Or I could step out on faith and trust that God will not leave or forsake you.


I think we all say that we trust God blindly, but you have to really reflect on that that means.  If you say that you trust God for your fiances then why are you going out everyday spending $100 on the lottery?  If you trust God for your future, then why are you consulting psychics or believing in astrology and horoscopes?  If you trust God, then why are you doing everything in your power to make sure that something comes true? Instead of trusting God for it. Is it because you are fearful that what God said won’t come true or do you think that you can get the task done better and faster than God?

I guess the point that I am trying to make here is that I want each person look at whether they are living for faith or living for fear?  Are you doing what God wants you to do so to prosper you?  Or are you trying to rush things for God and in the place of God because you feel that you can do it better and faster?  How can you say that you trust God, when you are trying to take things into your own hands?  Would that be faith or would that be fear?  This is because perhaps you fear that if you yourself do not do it, then it would not get done at all. And you can see how that is not trusting God.

Now let’s move to a different end of fear.  It is my belief and experience that God is calling many people every second of the day, but for some reason many are either to deaf or to fearful to accept that call.  This is something that I had to learn and am still learning.  If God told you to do something, then guess what, it is going to work!  Why would God put in large amounts of work on you and lead you down a long windy path with Him, only to see you fail or to lead you to a dead end road.  That is not God’s way.  Even if it may seem like you are failing, if you are doing what God told you to do, then then rest assure you are not failing, despite what it may seem to you.  You have to both trust and have faith in that.

I have both been there and done that.  Thinking that I was so far behind the race that I would never catch up, when in fact I was so far ahead, I was just starting to overlap people.  So it was not that there were people in front of me at the race and they were beating me, but rather I was going so fast I was starting to run overlap  them…Make sense?

If it doesn't, then I will end with this.  God did not give you a spirit for fear.  Whatever is in your heart, it is meant to be there.  If you pray and follow the direction that God gives you (not moving out on your own) you will succeed.  The problem is that people get fearful and clam up all together.  The point is to asked God for a direction, know the direction that He gives you, and follow that direction at the right time.  There is no need to have fear about it, just trust it, and have faith. 

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