Forgiving God.

As a Christian we always look to God for guidance through the tough times.  I am sure as your Christian walk continues, there have been times you have been disappointed in life and times in which you began to get disappointed in God.


If you do not want to admit the times you have been disappointed in God, then I will.  There have been times where I did not understand why God let someone I was close to me die or why God has not answered my prayers despite my constant prayers, fasting, and faith.

I am not ashamed to admit, I have had trouble forgiving God for not fixing things I felt He could fix.  As a Christian, we understand we are called to go through this thing called life and that our life is not going to be perfect.  We are called to go through hardships to make us stronger (read my blog here).  This is the natural order of things, since the fall of man, perfection on Earth was ended.

But, have you ever felt like God was putting more on you then you could bear?  Have you ever been put in or had situations in which you have been praying for a solution for days, months, or even years and no solutions come, instead it gets worse?


Have you ever prayed for a miracle, healing, or money and had the faith of a mustard seed but your prayers were not answered?

If this has happened to you, and you still have unshakable faith in God, then congratulations.  But if you are human, and like most humans the hardships that keep getting harder cause you to start to resent God, or at least wonder why if it is in His power to stop your suffering then why doesn’t He?

I cannot say I have all of the answers as to the way in which God operates, except for that God knows all and He knows the reason why He does what he does (see my blog here on unanswered prayers).

I can also admit that even though I knew this answer, it was hard for me to accept.  The fact that I went through continual hardship, I saw it as being within God’s power to stop it, and when He didn’t;  it mad me angry.  It made me mad at God.

I found myself in a position in which I had to forgive God.  I know this may sound crazy to some of you, but I can almost guarantee that many of you hold resentment toward God and are not even aware it.

I have a tendency to give God human characteristics, thinking He has abandoned me, is upset with me, or wants to see me suffer in His name for one reason or the next.

I came to view God as being selfish using us human to satisfy His vanity.  I came to think that He would allow us to suffer just so we can pray harder to Him.  I came to feel that when my prayers were unanswered my whole life was at God’s mercy and He was going to do what He wanted anyway weather I prayed or not.

This is dangerous thinking. But how many of you have thought the same way but have not expressed it.  How many of you have blamed God for a child or parent dying? For a rape, molestation, or a violent crime against you? How many of you still harbor bad feeling toward God for a terminal illness that just keeps causing you pain?

I do not know the answer.  But I do know you must be able to forgive God for the ways you feel He has let you down.  With the forgiving you also must trust God is what He says He is and that He will do what He says He can do.  That includes never leaving you or forsaking you.

Even as Jesus was crucified, one of the last words he cried out was, “My God, why has thou forsaken me?”  You see, we all feel lost, forsaken, or abandoned by God sometimes.  Even Jesus did.  It is important however, not to allow our hardships to loose sight of God and skew how we see Him.

Examine what you have been going through and examine your heart.  Is there anything you need to forgive God for? Perhaps once you do, you will be able to overcome your hardship and have peace.

My Book recommendations on this topic 

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Being Married To God.

In a past blog I spoke about women who are desperate for a relationship.  They feel because they are not with someone, this means they are lonely and depressed.  As I spoke in another blog (seen here), you are never single when you have God.

To those women who are single, you are already married, and you have the greatest husband of all. Jesus.

2 Corinthians 11:2 states “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.”

Every time you read the Bible you can interpret a verse a different way depending on your circumstances.  And that is a good thing.  It is God helping you learn His ways and what He wants for you in every circumstance.

Let me explain the idea of marriage and being single.  As the above Bible verse states God is jealous for us.  Do not get this confused with being jealous of us.  All this simply means that if we give someone or something our attention that takes us away from God, it makes God angry.

Marriage, despite popular belief, is suppose to be another way to honor God.  If you read Ephesians 5: 25 that states “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.”

The way God designed marriage was so people could understand how and why Jesus sacrificed himself for us.  Even with the first marriage, where Adam ate the fruit after Eve (read my blog here for deeper understanding). Adam gave up his place in the garden of Eden to be banished with is wife, because he did not want to see himself parted from her.

You may be asking how this ties to you as a single unmarried women.  Well it simply means this.  Why are women crying over just any man, wanting just any man? This is not God’s ultimate design.  He wants each women to be married to a man that is willing to give his life up for her to make her holy and clean.

If by chance women you are single or are in a relationship that does not provide you with that, it makes God jealous.  Because that relationship is not what He designed and He knows you can do better.  He wants to give you someone that loves you like He loves you and sees you like He sees you.

Just like it is stated in second Corinthians, He wants you to be his bride first.  This is for a couple of reasons.  The first is by knowing God, you work on yourself and you conform to His image.  The second is because once you know God you know what to look for in a potential husband.

Once you have mastered these two things, then God will give you up to a man that He feels worthy.  Also, you do not have to worry about Him being jealous for you.  Because the right man will not take you away from God but push you more toward Him.  Thus, causing you both to grow together and glorify God with your marriage. Make sense?

Lusting after the idea of marriage, man, or relationships is an idol.  Thinking about or putting anything before God is an idol.  This is why God wants you to spend time being married to Him first. Commit your whole heart to Him, just as you would your natural husband.



When you achieve this, the husband you have been waiting for will appear.  Your husband can be just a step away, and the only person that could be keeping him away is you, and your refusal to grow.

Check out my book (here) it goes into all of this as well as my relationship with God and how I became content with waiting for a godly marriage.

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How To Spot Mr. Wrong

Everyone wants to know how they will know when they have met Mr. Right.  They want to know where to find him, how to find him, when will they find him.  This leads to them to finding any man and overlooking some major red flags about the guy they are dating.

For myself, as a Christian woman, I know I will end up marrying a Christian man.  But I have learn that some Christian men are like wolves in sheep's clothing.  They pretend to be Christian, but their only mission in life is to deflower an unsuspecting church going women.

In fact, I think some men get off on it.  I have been on dates and in relationships where there was one red flag after the next.  There was sign after sign screaming to me “This man is psycho” or “ This man just wants one thing” or the biggest one we overlook is “ This man is under no circumstances the right man for you.”

Instead of listening to these screaming voices in our heads, telling us to let someone go. We keep holding on, wishing, hoping, thinking, and praying they are the one.

But I am going to do you a favor, and give you some tips I have learned along the way.  Tips on how to spot that the one who is NOT the one.

1. He tells you he is not the one.

This may seem like a no brainier.  But how many times has a man told you that he does not want a relationship, does not want to be in a relationship, or does not want you.  Yet and still women bend over backwards trying to change their minds.  They tell themselves that this is some defense mechanism and he is just wounded.

Don’t fool yourself, if he is telling he is not the one.  Then he isn’t.

2. He does not call you, spend time, with you, or take you on a date.

If all of your activities are spent inside his bedroom, then that is him trying to get to know your body and not you.  If he does not call, then he is not interested in checking on you or caring about what you are doing. Take this as a sign.

3. Avoiding questions about himself.

I have been with men that when I ask them questions they get nervous.  This is a red flag.  When you are with someone the key is to get to know them, and you do that by asking them about themselves.  If for some reason they do not want to answer you, then they are hiding something. Perhaps a wife and three kids at home.

4. All they want to do is talk about sex or your body.

If this is all they want to talk about, then this is all they want.

5.  They have not introduced you to their family, friends, or anyone they know.

Do not expect them to introduce you on the first date.  But after a few months if you have never met any one concerning their personal life, either they do not plan on having you around that long or they have some jacked up past they are trying to keep your from finding out.

These are just a few tips on how to spot a frog posing as a prince.  But the biggest thing women is to remain logical.  When you meet a man, do not fantasize about your wedding or kids.  If you do this, then you are likely to miss all of the wrong things coming out of his mouth, telling you your relationships is going to be a hot mess.  Lastly, pay attention to what he does and not what he says.  Actions speak louder than words.  So if he is acting like a jerk then he is one.

Check out my blog on my encounter with a Mr. Wrong (here).

Also check out my book in the my book section, if you want to read about many of my Mr. Wrongs, and how I became stronger because of it.

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Letting Go Of Your Perfect Man.

Throughout my dating life, I have been attracted to a certain type of man.  There was a list in my head that I wanted a man to meet before I became serious about him.  Most of them were about the man’s appearance.  I was, and to an extent,  still am a very “visual” person when it comes to the men that I date.



Some of my must have included the man being tall preferably over 6 feet and athletic, preferably a 6 pack.  These were my standards, very shallow, and pointless.  It took God giving me what I thought I wanted a few times before I figured out that these types of men were not what I wanted

I soon discovered that relationships take more than just having a good physical appearance.  I had to find out the hard way through a string of bad dates and relationships., but eventually I gave in.  I gave in to what I thought I wanted in a man, and let all of my ideals go.

Sometimes what you think you want, or when you have a list in you head about your perfect mate, you are more than likely selling yourself short.

If you are single and you keep going after the same type of man again and again and getting the same type of results, it is time you start trying do something different.y.

You do not have to drop your standards all together and just go with anyone.  I am sorry to report that I am still a very visual person, I simply cannot under any circumstances see myself with someone I am not physically attracted to.

However, I have opted to look deeper than what I had been looking before.  Although I still have a list of the type of man I want, it is a more realistic list, such as him being a Christian, his having morales, being good with children, where as before I just rested on looks.

Sometimes the key to finding your ideal partner is letting what you thought you wanted go.  The man I end up with, it is no longer necessary for them to have a 6 pack and if they stand a little under 6 feet, then I am not going to have fit.

I have decided to look past looks and actually look at the heart.  I decided to determine if the person I want to date will actually add to my life and not take away.  And even bigger, the man that I am looking for will add to my purpose in life so that we will be able to complete our life mission together.

This may sound confusing, but I feel like everyone was put on this Earth for a reason (see my blog here). The person that you ultimately the person you find should add to your value of life purpose in some way.  This does not mean, you have to d the same thing, or have the same job.

It means they should be able to be an encourager when you do not feel you can go on, it means they should offer a world of clarity when your mind is cluttered, and it means they should be so “right” for you that you are able to give up the reigns and trust their opinion and what they have to say.

My biggest problem is I never feel like I can give up the reign to someone else in relationships, this among other things, ( see my blog on relationships demons).  But what I do know is the right one for you will add and not take away.

In closing I say to you, throw away that material and superficial list you have written down or that is in the back of your mind.  No one is ever going to meet that imaginary partner in your head.  You have to let go and let God.

He knows you better then you know yourself, He knows who would be a better partner than what you know.  So just release the reigns and let God do it.

You want to read more about how the men I thought I wanted went terribly wrong, check out my book.  Click on the “my book” tab for more information about the book.

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Tackle Your Relationships Demons

Anyone who know me knows I am a big advocate for knowing/ improving yourself first before getting into a relationship. Even after extensive soul searching and knowing what you want out of a relationship; something is still going to be wrong with you ( TWEET THIS).  As a matter of fact, I am almost sure of it.  These are what I call “relationships demons.”

Through every relationship or life experience you have gone through, it has left little deposits in your personality that you carry with you (TWEET THIS).



Some forms of these deposits may come off as neediness, distrust, abandonment issues, and the list goes on and on.  Part of getting to know yourself is also getting to know your demons so you can learn to deal with them in the best way possible (TWEET THIS).

Take a long good look at yourself.  I have had to take a long and good look at myself.  Some of my relationships baggage I have been able to fix over time, some of it I just traded it in for another set of demons, and some I have not gotten rid of nor do I want to.

Just to give you an idea, I will go first and let you know what my relationships demons are.

Emotional detachment- I do not like sharing my feelings, talking about my feelings, and some of the times I won’t like listening to my man’s feelings either.

I used to tell one of my boyfriend while he was speaking, that I did not care about what he was talking about.  I have since gotten over that and have learn to listen and at least pretend that I care.



As for my emotions, that’s still a work in progress and honesty, it may never even happen.  I am just not a very super emotional person.  I do not like for people to see me cry or talk about how much we love each other, its not my thing.

 I don’t like people in my space.

 I was brought up as an only child and I have always had my own room and bathroom growing up.  I do not like people in my personal space.

This means I do not like having people over my house.  I do not like people going through my closet, my stuff, or my refrigerator, none of that.

I also like to be left, the H-E double Hockey Sticks alone.  Being around people for too long bothers me.  I like to sit and think to myself.  As you can see this may prove to be problematic in a relationships.

I am going to say what I want to say

Some men appreciate this about me. Just because he says something does not mean that I am going to agree.  I am not argumentative, but if a man is looking for a “yes dear” whose head is like a bobble head nodding up and down all the time, this is not me, nor will it ever be me.  Through time, I have learn when to just be quiet and let my opinion go unknown.

But if it is an issues I feel strongly about, do not expect me to be silent.  Another relationship demon I have is I tend to think I am smarter than the average bear, and I think I know everything.

Now see, seeing your demons were not so bad.  I can freely list mine and probably think of more if I really put my mind to it.  There is nothing wrong with having this baggage, but you would not be doing yourself a favor by not acknowledging them.

It will also help you know what who to choose for a relationship.  For example, when I talk to a potential date, and I see they have a problems with opinionated women, then there is no need in going there.

Instead of trying to make something happen with someone that does not like aspects about my personality, I choose to go for men who do like women who openly share their opinions.


My relationships demons are simple.  Some of you may have ones that are worse.  If you have demons you simply feel you cannot get over on your own.  Then it is best to seek professional help for them.  You can check out the coaching section on this website to see what services I offer.

Also do not forget my book.  Go the “my book” tab for buying information.  You can read the first two chapter’s free on Amazon.

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Being Single is Not A Death Sentence.

Is it just me or does it seem like when you tell people you are single, they look at you as if you have just been diagnosed with a terminal illness.  It seems that my singleness bothers other people more than it bothers me.

I think even more so, is that after all that I accomplished or all that I seek to do, people do not see me as complete because I am 30, am not married, and not in a relationship.  This is mine blowing to me.  Especially since I am perfectly happy.  I have been through so many bad relationships or relationships with men I had no business being with, that my singleness is a welcomed changed.

I will admit, there was a time when I was single, that I felt depressed down and out and lonely. But then I realized two things.  The first is that when I have God I am never alone (see my blog here) and the second is if I cannot be happy on my own, then it is going to be very difficult for me to be happy with someone else (see my blog here).  After all, it is not other people that you should depend on for your happiness.

Once I grasp this concepts, I became quite content with being single.  Even more so, I focused on God and the path that He has for my life, and this makes me happy.  Not only that, but knowing God, helped me know what type of man to look for. Which is a man in His image.

Had I now known this information before, I would have settled for any “Joe” and had a bad marriage.  In fact, my relationships before finding out what God wanted for me, turned out to be more of a headache than they were worth.

So while other people feel that being single after 30 and even before thirty is a sign that you are going to be an old maid, I see it differently.

Being single is an opportunity to know myself, what I want out of a relationships, and a chance to get on my God given path.

It also gave me chance to mature and know what type of man was right me versus what type of man wasn’t.

Most importantly it made me realize and understand not to force relationships..  I can say that out of all the relationships I tried to force, none of them came out right.  Had I just trusted God and not gone about things on my own, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.

Now I trust there is a man out there for me.  It could come now or 10 years from now.  Either way, I am not going to be sitting here in depression mode because I am single or not married.

Instead I am going to keep doing what I feel I was called to do on this Earth. I am going to keep on being a good mother weather my son has a father or not.  I am going to choose to be happy in my singleness.
This is a foreign concept to many of those who feel they NEED a husband, but follow my instruction and see where it gets you.  I can guarantee that once you get more content with yourself, that you will be happy no matter what your relationships status is.

If you want to read about my journey and see how I got so much peace about being single.  Get my book “ Waiting For A Man After God’s Own Heart.” Click on the “my book” tab, to get purchase information.  Read the first two chapters free through Amazon.

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