Tuesday, July 15, 2014

A Typical Single Mother Story With An Atypical Ending. My Single Mother Story.

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Often times I have done guest posts and have shared my story in becoming  a single mother.  It then dawned on me that I never told my story as a single mother on my own blog.  I am all about motivating and encouraging people to do better.

When I tell you my story, I think it would give you a clearer picture about why I am the way I am.  I am not a person that has been free from any sort of hardship.  In fact it is quite the opposite.  In the midst of hardship, this is where we learn to grow and be better.  So here is my story.

At the age of 23 I found myself pregnant.  I would like to tell you that I was this perfect Bible thumping Christian in which I did everything right.  But it was the opposite.  I considered myself a Christian and I would go to church, but there was a disconnect between me being a Christian and actually applying it to all areas of my life.

I was like so many other Christians, saying I was a Christian, but doing whatever I wanted to do and calling it okay.  I was single, I had a decent job and my life consisted of any 23 years old life.  I drank, partied, had fun, and lived for self.  When I found out I was pregnant, I knew my life would change but I just did know how much.

My child’s father wanted me to get an abortion, but I refused.  Since I did not do what he wanted me to do, he refused to talk to me for most of my pregnancy.  I can recall showing up to his house one day and him being gone.  I didn’t know where he had gone to, but I can tell that he was serious about not wanting the baby.

Since I made the decision to keep my son, I was bent on trying to be as positive as possible.  I went to classes and all of my appointments.  I tried to remain happy, which I was for the most part.  But I would be lying to you if I did not say that I would get into these spouts of being lonely and fearful about the future.

I was going to be a single mother.  I worked 12-16 hours a day.  I did not have a baby sitter.  There was so much that I needed to figure out.  By the time my son was born, I made an effort to reach out to his father.  He came over when my son was 4 weeks old.  He stayed for about 30 minutes refused to hold my son and walked out of the door.

I made the decision to file for child support, one that would do me no good.  About a week or two later I found out my son’s father had become incarcerated for larceny charges.  In prison is where he would spend the next 6 plus years. But I had a son to take care of.  I had a chance to be a victim or a victor.  So I decided to be a victor and push for a better life for me and my son.

When my son was a year old, I was sitting at my new job as a bachelors level counselor.  As I was sitting in a meeting on a of a paper I saw (LMHP).  I learned that this meant licensed mental health professional.  As clear as any other voice, God said “you need to be that.”

I did not question who, what, when, or how I was going to get this done.  I just followed.  I found an accredited school online (well blended online and in person curriculum).  I started this school and in 3.5 years I graduated with a Master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, with a 3.7 GPA.

During my stent in my program I had become a member of the Chi Sigma Iota, international counseling honor society and a student member of the American Association For Marriage and Family Therapy.  When I started my Master’s I knew my education would not stop there.  God told me to get a PhD.  This is what I am working on now.  I am working on my PhD in human behavior and have about a year left.

I would love to tell you that everyone in my life was supportive of me being a single mother and going to school.  But they were not.  Many of my family and friends told me that I was not going to be able to do it.  However, it was up to me to not pay attention to them and change their minds through my actions and doing what God placed on my heart and here I stand.

My journey does not end with my education.  As I look back on my life, I now know that some would consider this adversity.  Some people would call what I went through strength and perseverance.  As I went through it, I did not see it like that.

I  just wanted my son to have a better life.  I put him in extracurricular activities.  He goes to a private Christian school and I even manage to become a home owner.

Through my course of being a single mother I would love to tell you that it was all easy and I was content with being alone.  But this was not the case.  During the six years I was still going back and forth with my son’s father while he was in jail.  I was forcing relationships in effort to have a “traditional” family.  I was doing a lot of things that only caused me more pain, instead of letting God take care it.

It was through this that one day, I just began to type.  I would typed how I felt, what I was going through, how I felt God let me down, and how I felt like I let myself down.

I kept all this information saved on my computer.  It is amazing how God is all knowing, because after about a year of typing God told me “Now make it into a book.”  I was surprised to say, that putting my moments into a book took little to no effort.  It was a story that fit together perfectly.  As I read my story, I even thought “Wow I went through some stuff.”

Six years ago, I even thought that I could really be someone.  I never thought I had anything significant to say or that people would even listen. As I finished my book, I named it “Waiting For A Man After God’s Own Heart.

I chose this name because there was a time that I was waiting for a man to complete my family.  But most of all this was the phrase used to describe David in the Bible.  David was a murder, adulterer, and anything but perfect.  But God still saw him as great and usable to do His work.

This is a reminder to me, that we are not perfect.  But God does give an A for effort.  As He takes you from one scene of your life to the next.  He will reward you, as long as you just follow him and do what He requires of you.  And in the midst of it all, you can find a purpose.

If you have not already get my book, available through Amazon.  Read the first two chapters free.

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