Thursday, February 26, 2015

I am Single AND Happy.

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Yes I am single and I am okay being single.  But I must admit that it was not always this way.  I used to be like other single women filled with desperation and thinking that me not having a husband or being with someone was the end of the world.  With the prevalence of social media and everyone posting their happy married and couple moments all over it, I felt like I was missing something and I felt incomplete.

The idea of being 30 and single would lead the conversation with me and my over 30 single women friends.  It was as though we were obsessed with it.  I can recall one man that I dated in which he was attractive but no where near a good fit for me and he would often stand me up and not keep his word.  My divorced friend told me that since I wanted to get married I should just accept it and not make a big deal about it.  She also told me that I was too opinionated, and when talking to men even if I did not agree with them and felt like they were talking crazy; I should just nod my head and agree to show my willingness to submit.  At this I gave her a crazy look and the response, that I could not agree with being treated like a door mat.

I am all for being submissive to my husband but not being your bobble head girlfriend/wife that agrees with every thing you say, no matter if I agree with it or not (see my blog here on the true meaning of being submissive).  After many years, YES, years of getting myself into a anger frenzy about being single I just let it go. This is because I realized something.  There is more to this world for me then having the title as someones wife.  I started to dream and think of other things that I wanted to accomplish in this life and that put an end to my whining and pining over not being married.

Image result for being single and happyI think when you finally find a purpose in your life and when you find goals that you are moving toward, you no longer think of the minor things that are lacking in your life.  Because being in a relationship and being married is important to me, but it is not the only thing that matters to me.  What matters more is that I would like to give my son the world, I want to give myself the world.  I want to have the freedom and financial security to travel and make my mark on society by doing the things that I am gifted at.  All of a sudden this became more important to me than the ring on my finger.

“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”  1 Corinthians 7:32-35

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I am not going to sit here and tell you that as a single person you need to be a nun and spend every waking moment in church so that you can be fully dedicated to God.  I think being dedicated to God goes beyond that.  It is having a purpose, using your God given talents to do the things that God wants you to do on this Earth.  For me this is writing, counseling, speaking, and seeking to encourage others.  For you it may be singing, helping people manage their money, acting, or the other ten million things a person could be good at.  And you do not have to worry about spending enough time with your significant other,checking in with them every 5 minutes, weather they are going to approve on what you do or what you do not do.  Or if you have to be home by a certain time to have dinner on the table or because your spouse wants you to be home by 5:30.  You are free to do what you want, go where you want, and be where you want to be.

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For single mothers this is a double edged sword because I still have to spend and care for my son obviously, but it would be a whole lot harder for me to pursue my dreams with both and husband and a son, so now I know why God has not given me one yet.  And I am okay with that.  Even when I really, really, really used to think that being single was equivalent to having the mark of the beast.  I was really blowing it way out of proportion.

I have come to learn that as you learn and develop your life purpose you  learn more about yourself and what you want out of life.  When you know these things about yourself then you can better learn what to look for in the person that you are suppose to be with.  And while you wait, you can actively chose to be happy and satisfied being single.