Sunday, February 8, 2015

Why I Said No, To His Marriage Proposal(s).

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Would it shock you that as a single woman in her 30’s that I actually turned down chances to be married.  I did not consider this to be detrimental to my own wellbeing, until I get the confused look from other people.

The look that says “ Sophia you are in your 30’s and you are turning down marriage?”

First I want to say that I never had a ring.  I never let it get that far.  One was the late night conversation with my live in boyfriend at the time where he asked if I wanted to go to the courthouse in the morning to get married.  I said no. Not because I did not love him, but because it did not feel right.  Our relationship was jacked up and I was not too far infatuated with marriage to ignore that fact.

Another was when an ex of mine was joining the military and every one else was getting married so I guess he figured he would propose in a letter while he was in boot camp.  Once again, not what I wanted and by that time we had already been broken up for a year or two.  Why on Earth would I go back to more dysfunction?

The second and the third were both men that I dated but really did not like let alone love.  I could not stand to be around either of them for a few hours at most let alone the rest of my life.  One while I was talking to him I would actually envision smacking him in the face.  I know it is wrong but he simply annoyed me so much and I could not put my finger on it.  Not my idea of love or a marriage.

I say all that just to say this.  Just because you are 30 plus does not mean you have to let go of all your standards and what you want out of a husband just for the simple fact that you are ready to get married.  You do have to spend a long time with that person and it is going to feel even longer if you do not like them or cannot stand to be around them.

You cannot let other people’s ideals of when you should or should not be married pressure you into anything.  Lord knows I have been there, family pressuring me to go back with my ex, marry him, and telling me how he still loved me.  But it did not matter.  They do not have to live with him I do.  And unless I am at peace about it then I am not going to do it.

Even my 6 year old son is pressuring me to get married.  Something he and I both have a laugh about.  He goes to a private Christian school so me being a single mother there is like a person having leprosy.  I stick out like a sore thumb.  I love his school they are great and other students father’s are very nice to my son and show my son what a true father is, which I am grateful.  And even though I love my son Lord knows I am not going to find some Tom, Dick, or Harry just to satisfy my son’s needs for a father.

I am the adult and I decide the man that I want to bring around him and who would be a good father to him and who will not.  He is only 6, he actually suggested that I marry this old man in his 60’s that he knows because he looks up to him.  Flattering that my son wants to hook me up, but I do not think so.

I can tell all you single women like I told my son.  Pray about it to God and in due time God will answer both of our prayers.  I am not desperate for a man and I am patient enough to wait for the right man because Lord knows I have been in some wrong ones and as I get older I do not have the temperament for none-sense like I used to.

If you know that you were meant to get married then you will get married.  You have to stay positive, go on your own path in life, and trust that your God given path will lead you to the person that God wants to bring in your life.  By standing still and refusing to walk that path, you are actually putting yourself at a disadvantage and holding up your own progress.  In the last six years since having my son, I have learned so many lessons in relationships that indeed will prepare me for marriage.  I may still have some more lessons to learn.  Or perhaps the one that God has for me has lessons to learn.

Forcing or putting things into place before their time can be detrimental to you.  So many singles want to get married not realizing the work that it takes to stay married.  In closing trust the process, trust God’s timing, and let go of people you know for a fact that you do not need to be with.