Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Some People Just Aren't That Deep.

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If you are like me and have been frustrated in dating, wondering if you are doing something wrong as to why you are running into all these shallow non relationship orientated people; do not worry.  I have come to learn that some people just are not that deep of a person.  They may not want to take you on a date and you prefer to take you to their bed.  They may not want to talk about a future or purpose but rather the here and now, that includes getting you into their bed.  And they may not want to talk about marriage or an actual relationship, they only want the title that includes getting you into their bed.

I used to wonder if these were just my experiences or if there was something that I was doing wrong as to why these situations kept happening to me.  I can recall when I lived with my ex boyfriend some years ago, his main pet peeve of me was that I wanted to read and discuss the Bible with him.  He did not want to do that.  He just wanted to have sex (before I became celibate), play video games, and watch porn.  This is all that he wanted and this was all that he was about, he simply was not that deep.

I was brought back to a time in college in which I was living in Atlanta.  I met a man at a gas station in which he told me that I was pretty for a dark skinned girl (I know how offensive right).  After having plenty of phone conversations with him he decided to take me out on a date.  Or his version of a date.  When he came to pick me up, he took me to a cheap motel.  Once we got in, he undressed to his boxers and got in the bed.  I was in complete and utter shock.  I was even more shocked to see the house arrest bracelet on his ankle and he told me he had a limited amount of time to be with me because he had to be home by 7pm.

Imagine his disappointment when I just sat on the edge of the bed looking at him like he was crazy.  He tried convinced me to take off my clothes and get in the bed with him stating that I was crazy for not wanting to get in the bed with him.  After about 15 minutes seeing that he was not going to get any, he went to the front desk and ask for a refund stating that the heat did not work in the room.  He dropped me off back at the college telling me that he would call me.  He never did.  I did not expect him to, and surely did not call him.  He was not that deep of a person.

The last two men that I dated before I decided to take a break on dating all together was a man that kept saying he was going to take me out on a date.  And I guess he did technically.  But his dates consisted of going to the bar and buying me as man drinks as I could handle.  No food, just drinks, and more drinks.  Even after I told him I did not want any more drinks, he bought more anyway, to get me drunk so that I could go home with him.  And then wondered why after that I chose to stop calling or did not want to see him.

The other was a lawyer.  I met him when I tried my whole online dating thing.  We spoke on the phone I tried to engaged in an actual conversation seeing as how he was supposed to be educated and all.  This type of conversation would last for a few minutes before he wanted to go into some type of role play sex fantasy.  He wanted to email about it, talk about it, it was really sad.

This is why I took a break from dating because it was all so very frustrating.  I wondered if it was me.  But I came to the conclusion that it was not me.  It was them.  They were not that deep of men.  They did not want to get married, they did not want to talk about a future, they did want to think about purpose, or want to have a civilized conversation,  and most importantly, they simply were okay with the way that they were.  I could have been the first lady Michelle Obama, and I do not think it would have changed the way that they went about things.

And even more so I learned that it is not my responsibility to sit and try to make them be different or make them see what a wonderful woman they were passing up.  If they did not see that on their own then oh well.  It is their lost, and this is how we must always approached things when people pass us over.  Not beat ourselves up wondering why they overlooked us.  Not pray to God every day hoping that God will somehow open their eyes and MAKE them see that you are the one.  Getting mad at God when the person does not change.  It could be that God is doing YOU a favor and wanting you to see them for who they really are.

In the world that we live in it is easy for people to live for self gratification first.  Some people do not care to have a purpose, do not think about their future family, do not think about getting married, do not think about treating other people right, and do even think about where they will go once they leave this Earth.  And guess what? That is their problem and not yours.  It is not up to you to change every twisted and jilted person that does not know how to treat you right.  It is also not up to you to sit, cry, and be sad over THEIR shortcomings.  It is their issue not yours, just because they are not about anything special does not mean that you have to  be on their level.

Even if it means that you have to take a dating break, it is better to do that, then it is to engage in foolishness in which you know that you will ultimately get hurt.