Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Too Old To Get Married?!?

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I was having a conversation at church about two weeks ago with a fellow single mother that was in her 30’s.  Her main fear was that she was not married yet.  When speaking to her I can get her fears.  I have lived her fears.  But realistically, since when is being over 30 old?  And even if you are beyond 30 and you are not married yet.  So what?  Are you afraid of the dreaded old maid reference to being an adult woman and not being married yet.

I will tell you like I told her.  God’s timing is God’s timing, either you are going to trust it and enjoy life or you are going to get up everyday and kick and scream over the fact that you are not married.

If this is not convincing enough for you, let me spout out some fun facts.  In the United States the divorce rate is roughly 50%.  That is literally about half.  So what it is that one can do to make sure their marriage survives?

When you look at the facts, getting married when you are older actually works in your favor. Variables like age, education, socioeconomic status, and even the time of year all play a important role in if you marriage will last or not.  Things such as having an education, being 25 and older, and being financially secure, all play apart on if you have a better chance at marriage or not (see reference here).

With that being said, you have to look at where you fit into all this.  While you are waiting for the one, you can became a one.  Where is your education level, perhaps you want to go back to school?  If the one for you is college educated, then the last thing you want to be in someone who cannot keep up with intellectually.

Even if college is not for you, get secure in your career.  Find your purpose and work toward it.  This way that when you find the one, you actually have something to offer the person.  Or you can try to save up some money so that you can in a better place financially so that perhaps when you do find the right one you can move into that dream house you always wanted.

There is nothing wrong with waiting, but while you wait it is better to perhaps do something productive and actually improve yourself so that you can look like the ideal candidate to your potential partner AND you can decrease your chances of divorce.

As your grow older, you have an advantage believe it or not.  But that it only if you are willing to take advantage of your age and be able to progress through life instead of staying stuck in one place until your knight and shining prince comes and rescues you on a white horse.  Who do you think he is coming to rescue? A princess or a raggedy Ann?

I once read an interesting concept in the Steve Harvey's book Act Like A Lady and Think Like a Man.  Steve says that men are ready to get married when they feel they are in a good place career wise and that they can provide for a family.  A least a good man anyway, which it what you want.  Right?  So you need to be equally yoked with the man you want to attract (see blog here on being equally yoked with your partner).

Woman can stand to learn from this idea.  Before you get married be secure in all areas.  Marriage is not the fit all fix to your dysfunction.  If you get married as a dysfunctional the person will only bring out and highlight all your insecurities.  Sometimes with age brings wisdom, purpose, and life security.  And these three things are a great recipe for a successful marriage.

That and keeping God first.