So I wrote a blog (seen here) to name a situation in which I really felt single. As I thought about more and more about it, there were many times in which I was singled out for being single followed by other people giving me this look like they feel sorry for me.
It is like I should forget all the other accomplishments I have done in my life, but since I am single I am a loser. I would like to share my top 5 singled out moments, to let all single ladies out there know that I feel your pain.
I was visiting my grandparents home in Georgia during the summer a few years ago. I came in contact with relatives from Alabama that I had not seen in quite some time because they were visiting too. They greeted me and after saying hello and getting an update on what I have been doing in life they said “ Well maybe the next time we see you will be married.”
During my master’s program we were doing an exercise. It was a room of about 30 people. They asked many questions and if your answer was yes to a question then you step to the other side of the room. After a few questions the dreaded question came. “Are you in a relationship?” Everyone promptly went to the other side of the room. All 28 people and the only ones still standing on the original side was myself and another person. Everyone on the other side had this “aww sorry your still single” look on their face.
I ran into an ex that I used to date during college who was happily married with children and making a crap load of money. Shortly into the conversation he asked “ So you are not married? I do not see why, your a nice enough looking girl.”
Oh and let’s not forget the cheap shots that an ex took at me months ago, telling me I was always going to be single because no one would want to put up with or marry me.
And the constant reminder from family. Asking when are you going to get married? Even the question from grandpa telling me that perhaps I needed to go golfing more or to a country club, I never know who I might meet.
You know it is serious when grandpa is handing you out dating advice. I say that all to say this. There was a time in which people telling me these things were embarrassing. Not anymore. Counseling couples I have seen the insides of too many marriages that should have never happened to get married all for the sake of not being alone. And through counseling them, I learned that marriage it hard work AND doing it the wrong way I can have lifetime effects that you have to live with.
If you are single like me, or ever better if you are over 30 and single like me, and you are tired of getting singled out the advice I would like to give you is this.
No one can make you feel bad about anything. If you harp on the fact that you are single and feed into the idea that others want you to be married, you are going to lead yourself into depression or worse like I did at one point going on date after date, online dating, dating anyone for any reason to cure yourself of your single person’s disease. Once I went though plenty of bad experiences and relationships that way (see blog here and here and here and here). I decided to stop punishing myself.
I believe that God has someone for me. God has been a matchmaker all through time (see my blog here for more). And I rather have Him choose my man then lean on my own understanding on what I think I want. I have been there and done that and guess what it has gotten me no where.
There are alot of good things about being single. You can do things and be free while being single. Heather Lindsey has a great blog on this (see here). Once you realize this idea and take advantage of it you will be a lot more fulfilled.
I can tell you what God told me. I would not have attracted the same type of man now that I would have 7 years ago. I am not the same person. I am a better person,. Sometimes you have to grow into a better version of yourself so that you can become the right person for the one that God has planned for you. Trust the process. Being single is not the end of all eternity and no matter what other people say and how they make you feel. It is just a relationship status, not a personal identity.