This is going to sound crazy vein and/or conceited, but I really like me. Before you judge you have to understand that it took a long time for me to think that. There were so many things in the world that were telling me that I was less than. Being black I went to mostly white schools. I did not have many high school boyfriends, was the source of some racial jokes, and besides that I was really freakin weird.
It was not until my sophomore year of high school that I told myself I was going to be me. I was going to dress like I wanted to dress and act how I wanted to act, and left it at that. I never thought about myself being pretty or being desired, all I knew was that I was going to embrace myself, my weirdness, and my own sense of style.
It was not until my senior year of highschool that about 4 random boys decided to give me Valentines day flowers. I was shocked, I did not know why. The crazy thing about it was that they were not even black.
This is not to make anything about race, but to state that somehow we can down grade out ourselves in our own mind. We may say “because I am dark skinned” or “because I am black” or “because I am short, or fat” I am not attractive. These were all the things that ran through my mind as to the reason I told myself I was less than.
As I got older, things did not change. I still did not see myself as God saw me. I still struggled with self esteem, and what I thought I wasn’t. It was not until God waved a magic wand over my eyes and all became clear. I began to see myself as pretty, funny, smart, unique, fashionable and all the rest of it. Even if what I had to offer did not fit into some tiny mold of what others were doing so what.
God showed me, it is the people who are willing to be themselves and stand out no matter what other people say, are the people who make the marks on the world. So many people try to be like Marilyn Monroe, Anna Nicole Smith, Beyonce, or Kim Kardashian. Well guess what, there is already a them. And they are going to be the best them they can be because that is what and who they were made to be. You can never truly imitate someone else, because it is not you and the end result will be some watered down corny version of them.
I urge all of you, to put on your God glasses, see yourself the way that God sees you, and when you do you will see the beauty in yourself that you did not even know was there. Like me I used to get embarrassed by these thing, but now I have no fear if I make a complete and utter fool of myself as long as I was being me in the process and I had fun.
Living by other people’s standards or ways of being will lead you into a life long of regret, bad relationships, and all the rest. Living the way you want to, may not lead to a perfect life, but you will be much happier for doing it. Understand! I hope so. Until next time.