Thursday, April 30, 2015

What About Your Friends? Letting Go of Frenemies

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What I am about to tell you is a lesson that I had to learn through time.  I will be the first to admit that I do not have a lot of friends and at the end of the day I do not care and it does not bother me.  Not to sound harsh, but I have learned what type of people to have in my life and what people to cut out.  I used to like to invite everyone into my inner circle only to be faced with frustration and drama, that is really something that I do not have time.  I do not have time for the negativity, the drama, the arguments, the non encouragement; and if the person that I am dealing with is about that then they can bounce.

For example, when I started my Master’s degree I had a girlfriend that told me that I could not do it being a single mother, I was going to quit before finishing, and how it was going to be hard.  Perhaps in her mind she meant the best, but in my mind she was being negative and discouraging me from what I wanted to do.  These are the type of people that you have to weed out of your life and that is what I did.  And low and behold, 3 years after starting my Master’s I finished with over a 3.6 GPA and she is no longer my friend.  I will take this a step further

Take this Bible Example

“When Jesus came into the ruler’s house, and saw the flute players and the noisy crowd wailing, He said to them, ‘Make room, for the girl is not dead, but sleeping.’ And they ridiculed Him. But when the crowd was put outside, He went in and took her by the hand, and the girl arose.”

Matthew 9:23-25

Image result for frenemiesIt was not that Jesus could not heal the child, but he sent everyone out because their unbelief and negativity was going to interrupt his process and who has time for all of that?  Who has time to sit and hear people tell you what you cannot do when you know that you can?  Who has time for people who have nothing nice to say to you or about what you can accomplish?  If they cause you more stress than anything then why are they in your life?  And when you take them out of your life please know not to get all depressed and bent out of shape about it.  I cannot tell you how many times I hear people get all depressed about not having any friends, sitting and crying about it.

I hate to sound insensitive, but that is nothing to cry about.  If the people that you are dealing with do not value you or your friendship, then that is their lost and not yours.  So why are you upset about it.  I have learned to be content weather I am with myself or weather I am with others.  And now in this day and time I really prefer to be by myself.  It is when I am by myself that I listen and hear God speak.  If you are always around other people who thoughts, words, and opinions drown out your thoughts; then how can you hear your own voice?  How can you hear God’s voice?  So while some of my so called friends were speaking negativity, the only thing that kept me from feeding into it was the words of God.  When you speak to God you know that He is telling you the truth and you know that He wants the best for you.  So really when you have God, you can never say that you do not have any friends when there is the best friend in the whole universe just waiting for you to get away from negative friends who tear you down so He can build you up.

I have had friends that I have known for a very long time, but it was not until I started to know God and know myself that I started to see the real people around me.  I have noticed many friends that I have had for a long time that were negative, they have nothing positive to say, they are always gossiping, bragging, their life is messy, or they are messy.  Sometimes when you are in the midst of the mess with them, you do not see how jacked up of a person they are.  It is not until you step out of their world of dysfunction that you see, that perhaps you need to step away from them and their none sense.

Looking back over my teens and my twenties, I think back on the words that people have told me. At the time not understanding that these word were like backhanded compliments.  Oh you know the statements that seem nice on the surface but when you think about it, it was there way of tearing you down on the low.  Stuff like saying,

“Oh you look a little chunky today; but your outfit is cute.”

Or “Are you wearing your hair like that, I wouldn’t but do you?”

Phrases like these seem harmless but if you hear them over and over again you will start to question you weight, your hair, things about yourself that your saw call friend-emies have put into your head.  That is why it is so important to have real people who are for you no matter what and not against you.

Image result for toxic friendsNow lets flash forward.  Once I let go of alot of the negative people and people who did not really want me to do good, guess what?  I started to do the things that I felt I was called to do.  And I am getting further and further on my path, and I am completely happy.  And now the same people who said I could not, either are trying to still rain on my parade or they are trying to get all up in my space and pretend to be my friend now that they see that I am doing better regardless of what they said.  And these are the people that you need to be careful of.  It is not that you do not want to forgive, but just like Jesus sent out the people to prevent them from speaking negativity into his atmosphere is the same way that you have to keep negative people out of your space.  And not only keep them out of your space, but do not let them make you feel bad for doing it.  You know what is best for you, and do not let any one guilt you or make you feel bad for not letting their negative energy and unbelief into your personal space.  Does that make sense, I hope so.  Until next time lovey people.