I know you may be wondering how this happened and what in the world I am talking about? Well let me just give you a situation so that you can better get a grip on what I mean. I was in one of my PhD classes, many people who were older than my, more experienced then me, or had better careers than me. All of a sudden this put my in a position to care about what they thought and to look at myself of being inadequate. In all reality I was not inadequate, but for some reason I viewed myself this way.
So many times I look in the mirror and thing I am too fat, or wish my skin was clearer, or wish I could do something better or be better at this. And the end result is me trying to make myself into something that cannot be achieve. It was God that told me that I was my own worse critique.
What is crazy is that I thought I saw myself as God saw me. But I don’t. I think that God is proud of me, the way that I am, the things that I have done, and the things that I still want to do. But it hard for me to look at it this way, the only thing I look at is all the things I have not done and then I get upset about it and beat up on myself about what a worthless person that I am.
I feel I am not finishing my PhD fast enough. I am not losing weight fast enough, I am not this and I am not that. I literally am exhausted about thinking about all of my shortcomings. That I run myself ragged. As I was speaking to God about it He told me that this was just the trickery of the devil. He told me that the devil can pick up on just the smallest insecurities that you did not even know were there and run with it. And if you do not shut it down, then you can fall pray to it and go into this cycle that I have found myself in, which is seeking perfection that does not exist.
I am not saying that you should not try to better yourself, but I am saying that when you are attempting to better yourself, appreciate your efforts and do not beat yourself up because you have not reached the top yet. As long as you are still making the climb, God is satisfied with you. And if He is satisfied with you, then you must be satisfied with yourself.
The Bible states
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5
God know you, He knew what He was doing when He made you . Flaws and all, and guess what? He loves you anyway. So it is about time that you recognize that and start loving yourself. As imperfect people in an imperfect world we are always a work in progress. And we always will be, no matter how high you go or how much you better yourself, there is always another set of problems that comes with it. And if you allow these problems to overwhelm you all the time, then you will miss it. You will miss the beauty of life that God wants you to see. Sometimes there are beauty in your flaws. Sometimes it is the shortcoming about you that set you apart. So instead of rejecting your shortcoming, embrace them and figure out what God wants you to do with them. Does that makes sense? Hope so.