As I was watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta (my guilty pleasure), I can say that I have been relating to the character Phaedra. For those of you who do not know my son’s father was incarcerated for the past 6 years since my son was born up until about 6 months ago (my son is 6 now). If you want to know more about this story click here and here for those blogs.
In any case it really saddens me how hard people come down on Phaedra.
Unless you have been faced in a situation in which you have to take your child into a prison then you have no idea how she feels. Unless you are faced with a situation where your son has no father and his father figure is not a good one because he keeps committing crimes, then you have no idea how she feels. Unless you are a single mother trying day in and day out to do the best thing for your son, you do not know how she feels. Well I know how she feels because; I have been there.
I did used to take my son to see his father in prison. Taking a small child in prison is not an easy thing. Taking off his diapers, shoes, not being able to bring any snacks in there in case he gets hungry is hard work. And the most thing is the struggle in your head wondering if you are even doing the right thing. No normal person wants to get their child use to the idea of a prison and thinking that this type of behavior and/or situation is normal. When my son was 2 or 3 he would ask why his dad could not come out? Why he had to stay there, why his father could not see him? He did not understand why we would go to this guarded place to see his father and never got a chance to see his father in his home life.
I would get frustrated getting up at the crack of dawn not knowing if I would get a visit, because one of his girlfriend may have visited him already. Or if our visit would be 30 minutes or two hours and having to drive hours in order to get there. None of that was easy for me as I am sure it is not easy for her.
Not to mention that she is a lawyer and that is a bad reflection on her. He knew her profession before he committed the crime and did he not once think that she may have repercussion in her profession because of his wrongdoing. For myself, I was given a job as a correctional counselor in a prison NOT where my son’s father was. The offer was retracted because I was visiting my son’s father in prison and they did not feel that was appropriate interaction for a counselor to have. Someone else’s actions that affected my life.
So while everyone sees it from Apollos side, I see it from hers. She does not have to do anything in order to make his life comfortable, he made his bed so he mine as well lie in it, and we cannot get on Phaedra because she is refusing to compensate for his mistakes.