Tuesday, December 2, 2014

You Are Single For A Reason.

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For anybody dying to be in a relationship, I think it is important to reflect why you want to be in a relationship.

Are you doing it because you do not want to be lonely?
 For financial gain?  What?

I know many people have heard this but being single is not a curse, it can actually be a blessing.  If you are like who I was, I know you are saying that you do not want to hear that right now.  You are lonely and you do not understand how being single can be a blessing.

I will explain it this way.  Have you ever seen someone jump from relationship to relationship, and depending on who they are with, it determines who they are?  For example if they are with someone who likes cars then they like cars, if they are with someone that is a Muslim then they are a Muslim, if they are with someone who likes partying then they like partying.  And then when they are no longer with that person their interests change when they get with someone else.

There is a danger to this.  This is also why sometimes it is a blessing as to why being single is important.  Being single is first about getting to know yourself, your wants, your purpose, and your life path.  When you grow to be comfortable with yourself this is when you can go into a successful relationship.

Once on Facebook a friend of mind posted something that was interesting.  She said that it was not about finding the right one, but making it work with the one that you are with.  I disagree with this whole heartily.  I think it is about finding the right one (see my blog here).  But the key to finding the right one is knowing what to look for.  The person that you look for comes with knowing yourself and your purpose in life.  This way you are able to recognize what person will go good with you and help you in your purpose versus what person would just hold you back.

If by chance you want to be a preacher, it is not going to behoove you to get with someone that is a stripper.  This is because your congregation is not going to have respect for you.  They are going to find it very hard to respect you to lead them in spiritual guidance and your wife is out there swinging on a pole.

I am sure that before our President, or any president for that matter got into politics they knew someday they wanted to be president.  They also knew they had to choose woman and first lady that was going to coincide with their purpose.  This is why our current first lady is a lawyer herself.  As a first lady he knew his wife would have obligations and would need to serve as a role model.  Do you think he could have won the presidency if he had a wife who was a drug addict?

I once had a male friend that has been married for 10 years.  He and his wife were having a lot of trouble.  The reason being is because he married young.  Through the course of his marriage his wife was into other women and like to swing with other  couples.  At first this may have seemed cute to him when he first got married.  But as you get older and have children, this type of behavior is not very becoming on a mother.  He told me after 10 years that if he was the person that he was now he would have never married her.  This is why it is so important to know yourself and not to rush into marriage or a relationships.

If you are the type of person that is interested in only what your partner is interested in, then you do not know yourself.  You are simply faking the funk so that you can get the ring.  But sooner or later the real you is going to come out in the wash.  If you convert to being a Muslim and you really believe in being a Christian, then how long are you going to be able to go to the mosque and worship Allah, before you feel convicted?

I once dated a Muslim.  I knew right away this would not work.  I am a Christian to the bone and I am not bowing down to any other God.  I am not converting, I am not covering my head, and I am not risking me salvation.  He told me many times that he wanted to get married, but I knew that it simply would not work.  We are too different people on to different life paths.  To be with him would compromise everything that I am and what I belive.  It would set me off my life path.  And the fact that he wanted to marry me was not worth it to me.  It was not me worth giving up my religion or the things that God called me to do.

But it took me to being strong and understanding these things on my own.  I am sure many women would have taken him up on his offer only to be dissatisfied in the end.

I know many women who are married now because they wanted a husband, a two income household, the right to be called a wife, and many other minor reasons.  Now they are miserable.  Because once the wedding is over guess what? You have to live and be with that person for the rest of your life.  If when you were dating he told you that he wanted to stay at home and have you work and you went long with this, then why would he change when you are married?

If when you were dating he wanted you to swing with other men and women and once you got married he continued on with this, even as you have children, then this is your fault?  You changed yourself and what you believed based on someone else.  Because you wanted to be called a wife.

So being single is not the worse thing in the world.  It is better than bending to become something your not just to appease the person you are with.  It is better to get to know yourself, this way yo know what you look for, and when you know what yo look for you know who to marry, and the person you should marry should compliment you.  But you can never get to that point if you do not know who you are.