Look For Love Over Lust. Here is Why!

Let me try to explain this concept in a more tangible way.  When a man meets a woman the first thing that is going to attract him to her is more than likely going to be her appearance.  And there is nothing wrong with this. But you have to look beyond that.  If a man is looking for a wife and is so attracted to her that he marries her off the strength of appearance alone.  It could be possible that he could make a grave mistake.  The reason being, because he never got to know her inside.  

I am going to chose to address something that I often see when doing couple’s counseling or just observing couples in general.  And that is choosing their boyfriend or girlfriend based solely on how they look but never getting to know what goes beyond that.  The reason this idea first came to me because I feel that media has turned the outside image to being more important than your inside image (better known as your personality).  Now do not get me wrong, I personally feel that you should try to look your best and you should be physically attracted to your partner.  But after looking your best, you need to have something to go along with that. 

I often here men complain about wives or girlfriends do not cook, or clean, or they are a bad mother, or have a bad mouth, or party all the time, do hard drugs, cheats, run off randomly in the middle of the night, I mean the list can go on and on.  But at the end of the day.  They chose that woman, and had they not been so concerned with her outward appearance, they may have found out that she would not be a good long term partner.  

As I was watching television the other day, I saw a couple and was amazed. They were married for several years and the wife wanted a child and the husband didn’t  The wife of course was heartbroken over the fact that she may never get a chance to be a mother.  I found that I was much bewildered by this story.  When they were dating had they not discussed the very basics of a the relationship such as having kids.  Or were they too busy having sex to have real conversation about what their future together would be. 

Love does not equal lust.  And if you do not know the difference, I encourage you to stop having sex with your partner for a while and find out if you actually love them and not just their body. Or what they do to you in the bedroom.  

In closing I feel a quote that best sums up what this article is trying to say is “ Charm Fools, and Beauty fades”. Proverbs 31:30

Meaning that whoever you are with will get old, they may gain weight, or may not look so pretty when they are pregnant, or sick in the hospital bed.  And when that happens, you still want to be able to look at them the same way and feel that you love them.  When a baby pops out you want to know without a shadow of a doubt that this person is going to be a good parent.  Not a parent that is going to leave a 6 months old baby crying in the crib all day alone, while they are out getting their nails done. 

So I dare you to look deeper than what is on the surface.  Do not just think “I will get with her because we will have pretty children.”  Think once we have those children is she going to be a good mother.  Think is she going to be the type of women that I would like my daughter to grow up to be or my son marry.  If the mother of your child is walking around with her nipples, breast, and imprints of her vaginal lips showing while in public.  Then you may want to rethink having her as the mother of your children.  A child will do what you do and not want you say.   Looks are important when first meeting someone, but the inside is more important when it comes to weather the relationship will last or not.

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Children Do What You Do. Not What You Say

This article is going to address a topic that is near and dear to me, and that is parenting.  As I watch some of these reality shows or parents out in world, is amazes me on how bad some of these parents are.  I do not mean to come across as being harsh, but it would probably be best if some people just did not have children.  I myself am a single mother and cannot say that I have done everything 100% right.  But what I can say is that I do try, and with trying come improvement.  

A specific topic that I would like to focus on in regards to parenting is the image that you send out to your children.  Children are like blank canvases, they learn from their parents and the world around them.  That’ts why it is important to always portray your best possible self in front of your child, because they are watching.  

I will turn this idea on myself.  My son is 5 years old and I have noticed that when he looks at television, commercial, or see women in person and he is starting to notice that they are pretty.  For those of you saying that 5 years old is too young, I will disagree and say it is not.  I am not allowing my son to have sex, but to have a attraction or to start to view the opposite sex as pretty is normal at this age.  In any case, I have noticed in particular the type of women that my son thinks is “pretty” those are his words.  And they are women that sort of imitate me.  Let me explain what I mean by this.  When my son saw Kerri Washington in Scandal, he was so infatuated with her.  However, I notice that when he sees her outside of that character it is not the same affect.  Let me explain why I think this is.  In that role she dresses very professional.  When I stepped out of the home I tend to dress very professions.  In that role, she speaks very articulately, my sons know when mommy speaks she articulates herself well.  The list can go on and on, but essentially what my son is attracted to are the things that he sees that his mom his. 

He is attracted to women who are well groomed, well dressed, and are beautiful.  This is because this is how my son sees me.  I will take this a step further and even say that when my son sees a women that he feels is attractive, he even goes so far as to say that he s going to marry her.  And even though he is 5 I am proud of that.  At my son’s Christian school, they have already talked about the idea of marriage and how it is seen in the Bible.  I am glad that he did not say “ I want kiss her” or “I want to touch her boobies.”  This may seem a bit overkill for you, but you will be surprised at how many children his age will say that.  I know this because i have observed children his age talking about boobies and squeezing boobies.  Once again, this is something that I am sure that they have picked up from some where.  

My points is simple.  You are the best role model to your child.  A child is going to do what they see you do.  If you tell your child not to do something and they see you do it, they are going to gravitate to what they observed not what you say.  You then have not leg to stand on, when you catch them doing it.  The first thing they are going to do, is throw it right back in your face.  Parents, (both fathers and mothers) be the type of person that you want your child to be.  Be the type of person that you want your child to grow up and marry.  And do not wait until their a teen, start from the very beginning.  As soon as a child is born, the absorb everything around them.  Each behavior that you do, leaves in imprint on their little brain. So leave positive impressions over negatives ones.  It will help your child grow into a healthy adult. 

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Top 4 Quotes from my upcoming book (Ch. 10-11, unedited version) Waiting for a Man After God's Own Heart

By Sophia Reed MSHS Coming Early 2014

1.  If you truly repent then you repent to God without the intent of doing it again.  So having sex, repenting, and then doing it again the following day or week is not true repentance.  Now if you truly repent and you truly accidentally mess up, then God understands that we make mistakes.  But this must truly be an accident and Gods know your heart. There is no fooling him and pretending that you accidentally had sex after you told God that you were not going to, and knowing that you should not have taken that man up on the offer to cuddle in his bed with no clothes on. Then when sex happens you see it as an accident because you only intended to cuddle.  I don’t think so. Let’s be real.  This is setting yourself up for failure. 

2. I have also learned that when you have sex before marriage, sometimes it actually makes a man drag his feet in marrying you.  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free right? When a man looks at you, he has to think “why I should marry this person.  What is going to be different from marrying this person that I do not get now?”  Well sex is one of the main things, and I am confident that when a man truly gets to know you outside of sex then it is easier for them to want to wife you up. 

3. The reason why I bring this is up is because there are so many women who abandon their children to be with men or even put men over their children.  Even looking at news stories some of these women are willing to kill their own children over a man or allow a man to abuse their children.  Something is really wrong with this picture.  First off, if a man allows you to continually put off your children to be with him, this is not real man.  A man that talks down to your children, talks bad about your children, does not like your children, or does not want to be around your children; is not the man for you.  

4. Another thing that I want to speak to single mothers about is not having you kids look like a hot mess.  There is no sense for you to wear all these name brand clothes and your 5 year old child running around in a pull up, with a snotty nose, and a shirt 3 sizes two small.  Please stop the madness! Take care of you children.  Like I mentioned above when a man sees you all dressed up and your kids looking like a hot mess they do not think “look at that hot woman and her little misfit let me approach her.”  They think how you are trifling and are selfish to have all new clothes and you children looking like little orphan Annie. 

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Celebrity Relationship Spotlight Real Housewives of Atlanta

In this article I wanted to do a celebrity spotlight on two relationships that I find interesting and that contain problems that could happen in any relationship.  Both of the relationships stem from, the Real Housewives of Atlanta.  And although there are many problems on this show, the relationships that I would like to focus on is Todd and Kandi as well as Pheadra and Apollo.

Lets first start with Todd and Kandi.  So, this is where we clearly see a mother coming in between a relationship.  And although I do not know either of them I would like to say that Todd really seems like a good guy.  A specific episode that I would like to focus on is where Kandi had the conservation with Todd about her mother not “feeling “ him.  After which point, Todd was understandably upset.  First I would like to say this.  There are times when you do not take a man side over your mother's.  But this is NOT one of those times.  At this point and time Kandi made a commitment to Todd and they are engaged.  When you are engaged or married to a man, its time to cut the umbilical cord and get away from your mother.  In a marriage you cannot be in two households.  This goes for men and women. You cannot be in a household with your significant other and still be in other household with your parents.  In this case, allowing her mother to come between a relationship can  possibly cause her to miss out on a good man.

Someone is going to have to be willing to put there foot down, and I think Todd did a good job at that.  He told Kandi to call his mother and set up a meeting between the three.  The only option that was given was to use his phone or hers.  Here I see Todd fighting for Kandi and their relationship.  But because, Kandi does not want to put her foot down with her mother, she may loose out on a good man.  A man can love you, but he is not going to continue to be in a relationship with you if you allow other people to talk bad about him or are not willing to stick up for him.  And if the shoe was on the other foot, I am sure Kandi would expect the same thing.  I think the biggest lesson that we can learn here is that allowing other people in your relationships that does not belong there can and will cause huge problems.

Also, when you decide to get engaged or married, then understand that they are your primary family now.  And obligations first and foremost belong to that person.  Don’t believe me, that why the Bible says that “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife” Mark 10:7.  This is just one example there are several versus that say this throughout the Bible.  You can have one foot in your parents door and then one in your husbands, a choice needs to be made and it should be your spouse.

The second relationship is Apollo and Phedra.  Now, this is something that is amazing to me.  I personally think that Phedra is way to calm, and Apollo is delusional.  In case you do not know about them, lets recap.  Phedra is not getting along with a fellow house wife Kenya.  For some reason, her husband Apollo and Kenya has been texting one another.  And for some other reason, Apollo feels justified in this and does not feel as if he owes his wife an explanation.  This whole thing is wrong.  I don't care weather the text was harmless or what.  No other woman that you do not approve of as his wife should be texting your husband, period.  And to really put icing on the cake, your husband should never under any circumstance text her back, and you not know about it or  not be fully in the loop about what is going on.  I do not believe in creating unnecessary conflict in marriage, but I think here it is warranted.  I think this is prime time in which Phedra needs to put her foot down and up Apollo’s hineparts.  Sometimes it just takes you to get crazy on your husband one good time before he realized that you are not the one to be toyed with.  I love Phedra for being an intelligent and educated woman.  And i know she has a backbone.  Sometime as woman we need to flex, and let men know what we will and will not tolerate.  And we should commit to showing them this by almost any means necessary.  I just want to tell Phaedra that she is letting Kenya come entirely too close.  I don't care if Apollo’s number needed to be change or I I needed to have regular access to his phone when and where I see fit.  It would not happen, or all hell would break loose on both of them.  And sometimes men just need to be reminded of that. That you are his wife, your are his flesh, and your opinion does matter.

Two of these relationships may seem distinctively different, but they are not.  They are both cases in which they are letting other people come into their relationships that do not need to be there.  Therefore causing much conflict, confusion, and other types of non sense that could have been avoided.  Therefore, the morale of this story is do not let any and everyone on your relationship. And never sit by and let someone else destroy your relationships.

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5 Reasons Good Reasons Why You Should Get Married

Although being single can be good. Marriage can be just as great, especially to the right person.  I hold the belief that people should get married.  Provided that they are mentally ready to do so.  However, society would have you thinking different.  They tell you that singleness is the way to go.  So here are five reason why you should get married.

1.       Regular Sex.  Yes, I starting with this one.  Although as a single person you can have sex with as many people as you want.  But you are also putting yourself at risk.  With as many STD’s and everything else going around.  It would behoove you to want to be with one person.  A person that you love and is STD free.  Having sex with everyone, is not the art of making love.  Being with everyone you miss out on what true intimacy is.  Being married, you have regular sex, with a person you love, that is clean.  Being single means trying to go out and find sex, sometimes having dry spells, and putting yourself at risk for STD’s.  There are some diseases that even condoms cannot protect you from.

2.       Financial Stability.  It does not take a rocket scientist to realize that two incomes are better than one.  And with two incomes you can have more.  A bigger house, a nicer car, go on vacations more.  Being married is not all about money.  But it sure does help with the paying of all the bills and knowing that someone has your back financially if need be. Also it is said that men who are married make more money.  This could be that they know they have responsibilities and a family to provide for at home.  Therefore, it sometimes being married can make you want to reach your maximum financial and career potential.

 

3.       Social Support.  Being married means that you know and make a dedication to this person.  We all have bad days and there are times that we just want to come home and tall about or just be held.  Or sometime we just want to come home to a hot plate of food and not want to cook.  Being single does not afford you that.  Sleeping with a lot of people may afford you that, but you will not be getting deep quality connection that you could be getting when you are married.  That is because you are spreading yourself between two many people and it cannot fully give yourself fully to one person.  Even if you just have one person that you are with, they can always just get up and walk away if need be.  A marriage says that they are committed to you, emotionally, socially, and every which way else.  It says that that person just can’t get up and walk about when things get hard.

4.       Build a Legacy.  You do not need to be married to have a child.  But there are so many benefits to the child by growing up in a two parent married household.  They are able to have the same last name and not have split visitation.  Not to mention growing up in two parent household means higher self esteem and the more likely hood that they would do the same and get into healthy relationships themselves. So you are really setting a good example for your children when you get married.

5.       Because God said to.  Do not get it wrong. Some people should not be married.  But the Bible says that it is not good for man to be alone.  Therefore creating woman.  The Bible, it describes marriage as the way Christ loved the church.  When you think about that, what a powerful type of love.  And when don’t and blessed properly by God, I believe that it can bear good fruit.  So get married, stop thinking the single life is so great.  There is a whole side of marriage that is being missed by some.  Causing them to forgo it.  However, when done properly, it can be most beneficial.  So look at the benefits and view marriage and different way.  

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Making a Change for the Better is God Pruning You

People often tell me that I am nice person and I have a sweet personality.  This is not to brag on myself or to say that I am better than others.  But it is rather to make a point.  This may be hard for some people to believe, but I use to really have an anger problem.  I used to be explosive, to the 10^th power!  I use to be the type of person that if you so ever looked at me wrong I would have a problem with it AND have no problems telling you what my problems with you was.  But the thing is, somewhere along the line in my life, that changed.  It was not over the course of months, weeks, or days, but rather something that changed over my life time.  I had come to realize that I could not have heartily serve God that way.  I was going to be a Christian or I wasn’t, either I was going to strive to be like Christ or stay within the world.  I could not be both. 

If you are a Christian you should always be growing, and you should always be learning about God and His word.  Because if you read and know God’s word, you are then responsible for practicing the word.  I could not continue to read and recite “love thy neighbor,” and then go and curse my neighbor out whenever they said something that I did not like.  I could not continue to read, “do not let the sun set on your anger,” but carry grudges for weeks, months, to years on end.  So what I chose to do, was to conform.  I chose to read the word, follow the word, and before I knew it I was changed. 

This is what we call God pruning us.  When you think about the idea of pruning, you think of weeds growing throughout a bush.  That or either dead leaves that are growing from a bush, causing it to look and be ugly.  The weeds are some entangled in the bush so much so that the gardener then as to prune the weeds from the bush.  Sometimes hurting the bush and breaking parts of it in the process.  When the gardener gets to the dead parts of the bush, the parts that cannot produce anything and makes the bush looks ugly, the gardener then cuts those parts from the bush.  We never think of the bush as hurting, all we see is this beautiful plant in the end.

This parable I just ventured off into may confuse you.  But I want to compare it to the way God prunes us humans.  We were born into sin and are selfish by nature.  However, if you truly follow God then he will prune you.  He will remove all the ugliness and things from you that do not bear fruit.  This may consist of anger, jealousy, negativity, promiscuity, along with a billion other things.  It is going to hurt when he does it. But if you yield to the process.  You will become the person that God want you to be.  A better and more productive person, that is willing to go out into the world with a purpose.  When all the negative things are pruned from you, you will notice that you are a lot kinder to others,  a lot more positive,  you will be changes for the better, and strive to be more like Christ.  After all that is what being a Christian is right, striving to be like Christ.  So I say to you today, stop fighting God.  He is going to have his way anyway.  So either you can work with him and have the minimal amount of pain as he prunes, trusting he is making you better for the best.  Or you are going to work against him, making him hurt, cut, twist, and bend you along the way so that you can conform into his image of you.  It really is your choice, I but I recommend doing it the easy way and just going with God.  

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Top Five Quote from my Book Chapter 7-9 ( unedited version) Waiting for a Man After God's Own Heart Coming Soon

1. I do not think that I disappoint God in the way that I serve Him.  And at the end of the day, what matters is what God thinks about me serving Him.  The best thing that I can say is that I know God, I know my relationship with Him, I know that He is proud of me, and that He knows I serve Him always.  Not just in church, but at work, and at home, and I won’t let anyone tell me otherwise. Do not allow other people to speak things to you if you know they are not true.  I do my best and spend as much time with God as I can. I encourage all people single or not, to do the same.  God knows our hearts, He knows are responsibilities, and He knows what we are physically able to do versus what we cannot do.

2. Through everything that I do and everything that I am, I asked God to make me what He wants me to be.  I transformed into His image of me.  So when people tell me that I do not know myself and this is why I am not married, I feel like this is an insult.  Even more, I feel like I have to know myself to not to feed into what these people are saying about me, because there was a time when I did.

3. The Bible speaks a lot about beauty.  Most says that beauty fades but the inside of a woman stays on.  Which is true, but I am going to be honest with you.  If you want a man, they are going to have to look at you and be attracted to you first.  That is the only way they will get to know your inside.  I would love to sit here and tell you that it is okay to step out of your home and not care about what you look like and that you will meet prince charming.  But it is not true.  Men are visual, and honestly as a woman I am too.  If you still do not believe me, why don’t we look at the book of Esther?  Do you know when Esther was gathered as one of the virgins to possibly one day be a queen, she had to go through preparation.  The preparation that she went through was for a whole year and it consisted of beauty treatments.  She had to go through beauty treatments before she was brought before the king.  I think because no king would want a sloppy woman that did not care about their appearance to be his queen.  We know from the Bible that Esther was beautiful and not sloppy, but none the less she needed to go through preparation to go before the king.

4. Okay so expectations are a big one for use women.  I used to be one of those women that did not have expectations.  My expectation first consisted of a person that was interested in me, then to one that was cute, but as you can see from some of the above stories this did not serve me well. Also I come to realize that I deserve better.  Now I am to the point that I do not even entertain those that I know are not right for me.  I think a large reason why I entertained those in the past for the simple fact I was bored, I wanted attention, or I thought that perhaps they would grow on me and I would not want to turn down somebody that was the one, so I just kind of gave everyone a chance.

5. As a side note, if you are in love I get it, but if neither you nor him have a job, money, or any way of making money.  Do not get married just yet.  Love is a part of marriage, but not all of it.  The other parts are finding a place to live, affording a place to live, paying bills, food, things that cost money! So if neither or you have any, you are setting up stress in your marriage.  This will cause a big strain on a marriage.  Just wait until you have things figured out first before making the commitment.

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He who find's a wife, finds a good thing. Not the other way around. Stop Chasing Men!

The verse that is ringing in my head today is “he who finds a wife, finds a good thing.’’  When you really think about it, it is a powerful statement.  I do not know what is going on with women these days.  It would seem as if the desperation is dripping off of them liked beads of sweat on a hot summer day.  You may laugh at this analogy, but some women are so hard up for a man or marriage, that they are willing to compromise their own pride and self-dignity to get it.  Women, in case you did not know, you are supposed to be the prize.  A man that is ready to get married will be looking for a wife, and if you are the woman that he is looking for then he is going to find you.  You should not have to chase him down, convince him of your worth, cook and clean his house, in order for him to realize that.  He should be in active pursuit of you. 

It would seem that men would have us thinking the other way around.  I was watching this reality show Real Preachers of LA.  On it was a woman in hot pursuit of a preacher.  She had been chasing him for about 16 years!  Cooking for him, cleaning for him, “playing” his wife, when he did not give her that title, nor did he intend to.  When she finally did have the marriage conversation with him, she was somehow shocked to hear that he did not see himself getting married.  You have to look at people’s actions, and if in 16 years he was not willing to claim you as his own, then you should have been gone 15 years ago!  Cease cleaning his house, stop making him food, and go about your business.  It would seem that women are afraid to walk ways from situations that are obviously jacked up.  Women, you do not need a man, you need a GOOD man.  I do not care how great the sex is, get a hobby to occupy your time and keep it moving.  Why would you want to sit and play someone’s “wife” when he is not willing to make you the real thing?  All he is doing is buying time until the “real” one comes along.  A man will let you cook for him, clean for him, tell you that he cares.  But actions speak louder than words! He should be willing to wife you because he sees the value in you, and the thought of losing you devastating to him.  No convincing on your part is needed.

If you are single, and have no options for a man right now.  That does not mean you have to lose all of your senses and go chasing after everyman you see. You come off as desperate, and it is a turn off.  If when you first met a man and within the first week he told you that he ready to get married, impregnate  you with his 5 kids, meet your family, and pulled out a wedding ring.  You would more than likely bolt to the nearest police station to get a restraining order.  So why do women feel within the first 10 minutes of meeting man you have to be coupled up.  Allow yourself to get to know the person, and figure out whether you really like them.  I get that you want to get married, but you should determine that.  You should be the one who determines if you like HIM, if he fits into your life and your goals, if you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him.  Women, sometimes you have to get off of the idea of being a wife, to see if the he would make a good husband.  Stop being so thirsty!  When you do this, you find out that the man your chasing, really isn’t a good fit for you at all.  It could also be the strength and independence that draws the man to you.  Not the “ready to get married” sign around your neck.  I have come to find that men want to get married just as much as we do.  But they do not want to be forced into it.  And that is exactly what chasing does.  So stop chasing a man.  Be yourself and let your future husband find you.  It’s the best way, and chasing a woman is in a man’s DNA.  So let them do it.

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Out of the Abundance of the heart the mouth speaks

Sophia Reed MSHS  

Over the past few days there have been two Biblical verses that have been ringing in my head that I feel the need to speak on.  The first is: 

“The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth that which is good, and the evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth that which is evil, for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:45

And the second is

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 18:21

These are two different verses found in two different part of the Bible, but essentially they say the same thing.  The main message of this verse is that your mouth has power.  So often we get into the idea of complaining and saying negative things out of our mouths.  But do you really think of how that negativity that is coming out of your mouth, affects you!  When reading the verse above it clearly states that the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  Therefore, if negativity is coming out of your mouth, then what does that say about your heart? And if your heart is negative, then what does that say about you as a person? 

Let’s just stop to reflect on where negativity starts.  When things start to get bad, we first start to think of how bad things are, then we start to complain about how bad things are, and then before we know it, complaining is all that we do and soon this is what consumes us.  Have you ever just encountered a person and everything that came out of their mouth was just so negative.  They did not just get like that in one day.  It started from within.  And what starts from within must come out, and when it comes out it comes out of the mouth! And when negativity comes out of your mouth you are speaking death to a situation.  Have you really reflecting on what speaking death to a situation means?  Every time you open your mouth and say that you can’t do something, or something is hard, or when you complain, or when anything comes out of your mouth that is negative, you are speaking DEATH.  You can be speaking death against your own progress, just by simply saying you CAN’T do something.  You can be speaking DEATH to your destiny, with what is coming out of your mouth. 

I will turn back this back to myself to use as an example.  There are many things that God has told.  Many things that seem almost impossible to reach.  I can chose to believe God and speak life into my situation or I can chose not to believe God and speak death.  

Now you may asked, what speaking life to a situation may look like?  Speaking life to your situation means getting up every day and thanking God for your future, even though you have not seen it yet.  It means speaking words of encouragement into yourself and other people.  It means speaking and doing as if things were, even though you have not quite gotten there yet.  It means transforming your heart, so that your mouth cannot even phantom saying something negative.  Speaking life means transforming your heart so that nothing but positive things comes out of your mouth.  And please believe, this is not an easy process, you are going to have to bridle your tongue and train your mouth.   But once you have mastered this skill, then what is impossible to you?!

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 18:21

If we know that the tongue can bring death and you reap the consequences of that, imagine if you were to speak life how much consequence you can reap.  Not just speaking life into yourself and your situation but speaking life into others.  If you see your fellow sister or brother down, give them encouragement.  Speak life into them! Do not let your friend, family member, brother, or sister sit and be down around you.  Do not let them die! Even if they are sitting around complaining and speaking death into themselves, as their friend, co-worker, associate, or person just passing by,  speak life into them! It can make a world of a difference to them and for you.  For “of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” so if your heart is good, you should be speak good anyway.  And if you are a type of person that speaks negative, then I am sorry to say but your heart is corrupt.  It is not me saying this, but GOD!  So be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to anger.  Before you speak, think about what you’re saying.  Think about whether what you are saying is adding value to the conversation or taking away. Think about whether your words are speaking life to a situation or death.  If the answer is the latter, then it is best to not say anything at all.  I challenge everyone to examine your own heart and mouth.  Think about the things that you say and have said.  Purge yourself of complaining, negativity, and anything that comes out of your mouth that is negative and just speak life.  

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In the dry Season

In the Dry Season

Sophia Reed MSHS

I recently read and article in which a paster killed himself. In the article it quoted that the pastor's last sermon was about him feeling like he was talking to God and he felt as if God could not hear him or was not speaking back to him. I first want to note. that suicide is not the answer. Never make a temporary problem into a permanant solution. But I must also say that I can relate a lot to.what he was saying. Have you ever been in a season where you felt like you were talking to God and he was not talking back? Have you ever felt like you were begging God for a direction and he just was not answering? I have been in that place and it is one of the worst feelings in the world.....when your used to talking to God and all of a sudden there is a silence. I want to note that I do think God can be silent but i don't think it is torture us or to hurt us, sometimes there really just isn't anything to say. There have been times in which I was going through a dry season and I didn't know what God was doing nor would he tell me.


Looking back now I know there was no answer that God could have gave me that I would have been satisfied with understand. The only thing I was suppose to do was to trust God and go through the season and know that it if He loved me then everything will work out in the end. So many times we get into the mentality that God is disappointing us. We try to give God a "people" charateristic. We think that if wedon't feel God or if we do not hear him then he is not there. But I have come to learn that Gods ways are not our ways. God never leaves us but yes he may be silent. That does not mean that he's mad , or has forsaken us its just means its a time for everything and sometimes its just time to be silent. When God was silent with me it was because there was nothing that he wanted me to do other than what I was doing. I was going through a hard time and I thoguht that God was some how punishing me..I would cry and ask God what it was or what had I done and he would not respond back, it was like it could not even feel his presence . Now that the situation is over I see what God was doing. I see that there was nothing that needed to be done on my part except for to get through the hardship and to get through it as gracefully as possible. You see God could not tell me that because he knew that I would not understand and that I would moan and groan all the way. As we know from the book of Job, you could be good in God's sight, blameless, and still be put through both hell and high water. So why is that? Because we know that through hardships it builds both your faith and character as a follower. And I believe the more faith you have the more God can trust you with. That is why God tells us to whom much is given much is required. Its not that God will just require much but that you are going to go through much in order to get the reward. The bigger the hardship I am convinced the bigger the reward. So you just have to go through it. God is not going always going to tell you why or even speak to you in the process, he just wants you to rest assure in his word...and his word says that he will never leave you or forsake you. When God says something you can take that check to the bank and its a guarantee that it won't bounce. So in this season, if it seems dry, or lonley, or like God is just not there. Take heart and know that he is. It may just be time to do your part or just get through the season before God give you your next steps. But the important thing is to just keep going!

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My top Five Quotes Ch. 4-6 From my Upcoming Book ( unedited version)

Sophia Reed MSHS

Coming Soon 1/2014 Look For it!!!

1. The point I am trying to make is not everyone is good for you or means you well despite what you think or they say.  Actions speak louder than words.  If a person loves you, you should know it and there should be no second guessing.  Do I think it was meant for me to go through these situations?  Yes I do, because of the overall lessons I learned

2. If you are to get married, do you really think your husband is going to allow an ex-boyfriend or male friend that is interested in you hang around his wife?   I think not! So it is best to cut that off now.  Not only that, but having all these different men around you may be blocking the energy of the one that you are really meant for.  It is okay to be alone.  Yes it may be sad or de
pressing, but to carry on and on with people you know do not want you or that you do not want you is dumb, and not to mention a waste of time.


3. There is no sense in trying to convert.  Pray for his deliverance and keep it moving. I personally feel if a man does not believe in God or a higher power for that matter you are setting yourself up for failure.  What would tell them not to cheat, commit adultery; how to love you, whenever we get confused we can turn to God’s word for that.  If he doesn’t have anywhere to look to, or feels he is accountable to anyone, then he can go on doing anything without any sense of right or wrong.

4. The point of this story is to show you that as a single mother it is hard and I did not always do everything right.  However, in my mistakes God decided to bless me anyway.   He did so as long as I was willing to listen to Him. In my opinion, everyone was born to be great.  It is up to you weather you get there or not.


5. The main phrase that I like to remember is that tomorrow is not promised to anyone.  Therefore, live each day like it is your last.  That does not mean to be reckless, doing drugs, and drinking and driving.  Its means that you should strive to put your mark on this world one way or another.  Make your life matter, to somebody in this world.  Put a positive impact on this world.  It would be better in my opinion to have somebody change in a positive way because they knew you and because they meet you, then it is leave this world and people feel sorry for you, because you never did anything significant. For nobody to care if you were around or not, or being remembered for having a negative attitude all the time, or that you were the miserable psycho that everybody hated and everyone talked about behind your back.

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Unhealthy Single Behaviors to Purge Yourself From

Unhealthy Single Behaviors to Purge Yourself From

Sophia Reed MSHS

As far as relationships are concerned we all hear about people who want to be in relationships, but we never really think of the work that it takes in order for someone to have a successful relationship.  So here are some common behaviors that I myself had to purge myself of as a single woman and behaviors that I see in other women single women have that needs to be purged.

1.       Be a Giver- In case you did not know this.  Relationships are about giving.  If everyone in the relationships was always giving then the relationships would have a lot less problems.  So a single person, practice being a giver!  This does not always mean money.  It could be kind words, emotional support, a hug! Anything.  Many people come into relationships thinking “what can I get get” or “what can this person do for me.”  But get yourself out of that mind frame, do not think “what can I get” but rather “what can I give” in this relationship.

2.       Let Go.  Many times the reason why people remain single is because they do not want to let go of the past.  And by the past I mean the ex that you keep going back to even though to know that person is not for you, even though you know they told you that they do not want to be with you, or they have other women, or they don’t want to settle down…or a million or’s as for the reason that you are still hanging on to someone that does not want you.  Any person who wants to be with you, will!  Point, blank, period!!!  If for some reason they are not with you, then they are not your man, then MOVE ON!!!!

3.       Get some confidence.  There are so many people that believe that once they are in a relationship then they are complete.  A relationship does complete you, a relationship does give you confidence, it cannot do anything for you that you cannot do for yourself.  So if you are expecting a relationship to be the Savior to all of your problems, then you need to look for Jesus for that.  Be confident on your own.  When you are confident, you demand the type POSITIVE attention.  When you have low self-esteem, people can tell.  So if you are attracting a certain type of partner then you may need to have a self-reflective moment at what you are putting out.  Confidence will attract confidence person, and the opposite will have the adverse affect.  So if you are not right yourself, then get right, before bringing someone else in your circle.  

4.       Being Argumentative.  People confuse being argumentative with being confident.  When in fact that is NOT the case.  The Bible says

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.   Proverbs 21:9

  

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike Proverbs 27:15

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24

A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.  Proverbs 19:13

So if all these verses want to speak about an argumentative women, then I think that says something.  Ladies sometimes you just have to SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!!  There is time and a way to say everything, you do not need to scream your point of view from the top of your lungs all the time.  Pick and choose your battles, and you do not always have to be right!!!!  Learn when to talk, and when to let things walk. Stating your opinion does not always mean, being argumentative.

5.       Let Go and Let God.  I think that being bitter can be one of the number one reasons why future relationships fail.  Do not let the past fails of relationships be the reason why your future relationships fail.  So what such and such did you wrong in the past?  Build a bridge and get over it. There is no reason why the man that you broke up with 10 years ago is still affecting your future relationships.  People have a hard time trusting, being committed, telling the truth and whole slew of other things because they claim that they have been damaged in past relationship.  There is no reason for that.  We have all had bad relationships, break up, friendship, you name it.  But that does not prevent us from moving on.  So if you have an excess of baggage from past relationships.  Get rid of it, because with it you will never be able to move on to successful relationship.

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Five Quotes From The First Three Chapters Of My Upcoming Book ( unedited version) Waiting on a Man After God's Own Heart

Five Quotes From The First Three Chapters Of My Upcoming Book 

By Sophia Reed MSHS

1. “As I have matured, I look back now, and I feel that I am getting closer. I know this because I reflect on what God has done in my life, why He has done it, and where He is leading me.  This is something that I never did before.  I think before, I just made demands on God, and thought that as long as I followed Him, He would…no that He should give me what I wanted. As a matter of fact, I still struggle with that sometimes. I think the only difference now is that deep down I know better, and I am able to quickly see and recognize God’s plan for my life, despite my own selfish desires.”

2. “I am not going to fill you with fluff and say every day I thanked the Lord; it was not like that at all.  It was hard and hard to trust God. But like the Hebrews God brought me out.  He told me that He made me to be a survivor, to always get things done and not to depend on the hand out on others.  It taught me to trust God and not my own understanding, even though I had some angry conversations with God during that time.  He was always there, even when I didn’t think He was.”


3. “Since I felt like all the signs were there despite him treating me like crap, I felt he just needed time to come around.  But boy was I wrong.   As I mentioned and will mention it again, signs should be followed by action.  If he was the one for me, then at some point he should have been aware of this also.  The enemy can lead people astray and I felt this is exactly what happened with this guy, because it had the devil’s work written all over it.”

4. “I only really felt sorry for him because I could not understand that A. as a man and B. as a Christian he could behave this way toward another person.  Granted we are not all perfect, but to seek to intentionally harm another individual in the way that he has over the entire year of me knowing him was mind blowing. And to think I sat by and allowed him to do it is even more mind blowing.  I should have been out of there. “


5. “I truly believe this from the bottom of my heart.  I am just a woman that is waiting, for a good man.  I am a woman that has chosen to no longer settle, compromise, or dumb herself down just so men would not feel inadequate around me. I have done all of these things in the past.  If God put gifts in me, like I am sure He puts gifts in you.  He is going to give you a match of someone that has equal value.  I have come to learn that not every man that bats an eye in your direction, deserves your time.  I think as women, we have to understand that.  As women you need to walk with you head high, speak like you have home training, look nice, and be confident.  Give off the impression to men that if they cannot come correct, then they need not come at all.”

Look For Waiting For A Man After God’s Own Heart. Coming 2014!!!!

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You Complete Me?

You Complete Me?

By Sophia Reed MSHS

It would seem that every since the Movie of Jerry McGuire the famous phrase to tell someone is that they complete you.  I know this sounds all romantic, but I would have to beg a differ.  I think that  this phrase sends the wrong message to people. Which is that someone needs someone else to complete them in a relationships in order for the relationship to be functional.  This may be why we have so many dysfunctional relationships going on in the world.  People expect for the person they are with to complete them. And when they feel they are not getting what they need from that person in order to feel complete; they move on in search for someone else.

Well, this is a news flash for you, do not expect anyone to complete you!  If you wait for someone to complete you in order to be happy, then you may be waiting for a very long time.  The point is, do not depend on someone else to make you happy, to do so would be giving that person way too much power over your emotions.  Do not wait until you are married until you feel like you can move forward into the next phase in your life, you can do these things now.

The main point that I am trying to make here is that you should be happy on your own and you should be completed on your own.  The only thing that the other person is going to come in and do is add onto the already awesome packaged called “yourself.”  Because if you depend on someone else for your happiness and that person never comes? Then what?  If you depend on someone else to complete you and they leave or disappoint you? Then what? Are you just going to fall apart.  Do you see what I mean. You have to have the strength to stand on your own.  When people see that you are confident on your own and that you are complete on your own, then people would be falling over themselves to be next to you.   Because they will feel like it is easy to be your friend and not feel responsible for your emotions.

No one wants to be around a needy and clingy person.  And at the end of the day, no relationship can survive like this.  Relationships are really about what you can give to the other person.  It is about what you can give to your partner, and your partner giving to you.  If in a relationship, everyone was always focused on giving, then the relationships would go a lot smoother.  However, if you are waiting on someone to complete you, then guess what, you have nothing to give to the other person.  You do not even have enough to give to complete yourself.  Therefore you have to think about that when you are looking for someone to complete you.  There the ones that are completing you, but what are they getting out of it?

Therefore, do not look for anyone to complete you.  That is because there is no one else out there that can complete such task, with the exception of God.   If you feel that you are in a place that you are not complete, then the last thing that you should be looking for is a relationship.  You need to be looking for yourself, and figure out whatever it is that you need to go do until you do feel complete on your own.  Then you can go out and find someone to add to you.  But while you are incomplete do not go around trying to find and/or expect someone to add to your already dysfunctional self.  It is not fair to them.  Be fair, and the type of partner that adds on to someone life, not someone that is incomplete and expect to be added on to.  Do not leave the responsibility of you being happy on someone else head.

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What Message Are You sending

I was watching a reality show the other day called Find Me My Man.  Most of these women on there are seriously wrong and misguided. For example, one woman was a lawyer, when she went on the first date (which was a mock date with a date coach) she proceeded to tell him all the piercings that she had on her body as well as other sexual innuendoes.  But yet she said that she wanted a gentleman.  How on Earth could she want a gentleman, when she was not even a lady?  I have seen women that do not care about how they look, do not have a job, do not even have their own or steady place to live, that will demand a man that works in business, keeps themselves well groomed, and has their own place to live.  These women are often shocked when they are looked over.  Let’s look at this picture here.  After this man has worked hard to get what they have and be where they are at, why on Earth would they waste that on the type of women I just described.  

When women enter into a relationship we need to begin to bring something to the table.  Let’s switch around the tables for a bit.  If you made 6 figures, travel on a regular basis, and in the cooperate world, are you going to want a high school dropout that has no goals in life,  only knows about boxed wine, and has not traveled outside of their state….let alone the country.  Therefore women, be what you asked for in a mate.  What type of mate do you want?  Let’s talk about the above example and let’s say this is your mate (6 figures, travels, cooperate, whatever).  Then the type of women you need to be is this.  You need to dress and look well, because other women will be after your man if he is all of that (I am just keeping in real) and although men are expected to be faithful, let’s not tempt things by you walking around looking like who did it and what for all the time, men are visual.  That is not going to turn them on and it is not going to turn their eyes toward you. 

You also need to know a little something about a little something.  That means you will be going to Christmas parties, country clubs, and other things that six figure people do.  So you need to know about wine, exotics foods, the proper pronunciation of exotic foods, how to speak properly, proper table etiquette, and how to speak like you actually have intelligence.    

The way I see it is like this.  Is a million dollar man going to walk into a “bring your own bottle” after hours spot and swept you off your feet ….no he is not….unless he is lost. So why on Earth would you even be at this pace in the first place.  Why are you choosing to hang around places where people get shot, do drugs, where the police have to be on the outside of the club to regulate things?  You are not going to find the man you want there, unless you want a thug.  If you want a man to that goes to nice places, you are not going to meet him in the places I just mentioned.  They are going to be in a place that you actually have to dress up to go to, so why are you going to places other than that is confusing to me.  You are setting yourself up for failure and you are absorbing the ignorance around you while you are in those places, dumbing yourself down, instead of building yourself up for the man that is planned for you.    

Also let’s take a look at what you wear.  If your breast, butt, vaginal lips, can be seen by what you are wearing.  Then take it off.  When a man sees this he is going to think you are easy.  It is going to attract the wrong type of attention and your time will be wasted on men that only see you as a sex object.  Why on Earth would a real Christian going man be attracted to that.  As a matter of fact, most real men that are not believers will not be attracted to that.  Some women make the mistake of thinking that showing this gets you attention.  It does, but it gets you the wrong type of attention.  If you dress like a street walker, then how can you expect to catch a man on Wall Street?  You are on two separate sides of town entirely, one is in uptown and the other is in the slums.   

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A Gut Feeling or God's Voice? Is it Discernment?

I was having a conversation with a fellow Christian last night and I was telling her how I have been sick that was associated with stress and difficult people I had been dealing with. She told me to consider that perhaps I was not sick but rather the Holy Spirit in me, sense the ill intentions, demonic spirits, hatred, envy, of others, and that me being sick is the Holy spirits reaction to that when I am around them....that and its way of letting me know not to trust the situation or perhaps even the person. I thought that this was a very interesting. When you think of the idea of discernment, when it is from God it is essentially telling you the intent of others.

When dealing with gifts, I think we never really know how some of these gifts may manifest.  Who is to say that when you are given discernment God may tell you out  right what is going on, but for me it may cause me to get sick.  For a long time now, years in fact, when dealing with difficult situations and difficult people my intestines are the first ones to get upset.  I always looked at it as some diseased or dysfunction, but when I really thought about it.  The only time that it gets upset it under certain situations when dealing with certain people (typically bad ones).  It is possible that sometimes even thinking about dealing with that person I could start to feel sick.  I guess the point that I am trying to make is that we always try to go and find some hectic complicated answer for something, when in fact the answer could be so simple.  It could just be God’s way of talking to us or trying to get our attention.  When I came to this realization, it kind of gave me relief that I am not going to die of some strange stomach virus.  It also gave me relief to know that the Holy Spirit is becoming larger and larger within in me, that it is not even going to allow me to stay in the presence of those that mean me know harm.  WOW!  When you really think about that, it is amazing.  It’s like God is grabbing my attention saying Sophia, "move on!!!" This place is not for you, this person is not for you, this relationship is not for you!

And when you really of this like that, there really is no reason why you should go through life hanging around bad people and making bad decisions.  I think that when God gives us the gift of discernment it can come in many ways.  It can be a voice, chill, stomach ache, or a feeling that only you could know.  I think God talks to us all the time throughout the day, and as we develop a closer ear to hear and understand His voice, signs, and emotions that He is giving us, then will we always know where to go and what it is that He wants us to do.  He is always taking and communicating, but are you listening?  I challenge you to examine yourself when you have made both good and back choices.  Try to find the ways in which God has tried to warn you about the bad.  This was you can find how God is trying to get you to discern things.  For me, it is a GUT!!! Feeling, LITERALLY.  And instead of fighting it, now I will trust it, and let it lead me to the right people and places and lead me away from the wrong once.

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